My Journey

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Robane, May 7, 2012.

  1. Robane

    Robane Member

    This past week has been pretty rough in terms of recovery/rebooting. I had a string of relapses to P and MO in this past week. Yesterday I decided to install K-9 on my computer, and I got rid of all devices with access to P. My energy levels are so low in comparison to the last 3 weeks. I need my energy for my business. I need my business to be profitable so I can make money and move out. I'm almost there. I know I'm close to the break-through point. But I need to get this addiction under control. If I don't, I'll be stuck here, where I am.

    I have finally realized that my compulsion to use porn right now is to great for willpower, alone, to overcome at this time. For the past 2 years, I had been trying to develop the will power to stay off porn for good, but I have only been able to make it around 30 or so days before relapsing. If my finances and sex life were good, then i would have been able to use willpower alone to combat this addiction. The catch 22 is that I have to get porn under control by removing access to it (i.e.e not relying solely on willpower) in order to get my finances and sex life together, and only then will I be in a position to resist porn with willpower.

    I'm also going to add a no edging counter. Lately, I've been edging to fantasy while in bed again. I need to get that under control as well. My short term goal for no Edging is 7 days. For some reason The counter app on this site is not allowing me to create a new counter, so I'll manually keep track of my progress and report it here.
     
  2. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    So you want to quit MO and P, and that is taking something away. But the thing I've found in my experience is you have to replace it with something. P and MO have a kind of use imo, to address the stress or negative feeling or inactive coping strategies to some emotions (resistance to do work, excessive tiredness, guilt, regret, feelings of underachievement...). What purpose does P/MO have in your life and what are you going to do instead to address that need?
     
  3. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Dude Robane! We have got to be long lost brothers! Understandingrelationships.com is my shit! Tons of good stuff, I haven't read his whole book, having a lady at the moment, but I will read it as soon as I'm single again. Another good one, which really changed my life is "The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give it to Them". Bet you would like that one alot man. Great thing about that book is it's not dependent on your self esteem. Gives your tons of strategies and perspectives to apply that don't directly relate to the so called "holy grail of attraction", aka "confidence"...

    What type of trading do you do man? From the way your post was, it sounds like you do day trading or swing trading? Seems short term. Would love to hear details, I use a simulator myself, haven't taken the plunge of using real money yet. Still in the learning process. Also I'm worried the stock market is gonna crash here in the next 6 months or so.. Ehhh.

    Any good resources you can suggest towards building my skills of trading?

    Also, I suffer from PIED, which has turned into performance anxiety... Have you thought of using a natural libido booster to help? Or even viagra? I was in my first relationship ever just recently (about a year and 3 months ago) and I know for a fact if I didn't have viagra I would not be as far along and as rewired as I am not without it. Would still not be with my girlfriend either. I don't encourage it every time, but man if it's the first few times with a girl, and you want to let go and have fun without the worry of ED coming in, viagra is the way to go. And after a while, when you have had some consistent sex and built up your confidence, you can supplement with a natural libido booster, or going normal with nothing.

    Weird to think about it, but honestly, if i didn't use viagra or libido booster, atleast at first, my girlfriend now who I have a great relationship with, which adores me, and loves me, and looks up to me as a hunk, wouldn't be in my life... Not trying to boost my ego by saying that, just that's how much it has benefited me and my self confidence, of being able to take that next step with women and taking advantage of those opportunities that are out there.

    All the best man, keep up the good work. I see your doing A LOT of great things for yourself that a lot of people are simply too lazy to do. Just wait for all that compound interest to build up from those positive actions.
     
  4. Robane

    Robane Member

    Hey! Haven't posted in my journal in a while. However, I have posted in other people's journals. My last relapse was 9 days ago. The reason for the relapse was because I had forgot to put a counter on my old computer (I hadn't used it for a while up to that point, and I actually forgot it was still in the house). Ironically, this was the same computer I used back in college to download gigabytes of porn, and I totally forgot to put K-9 on it. I'm going to list out the steps I took to remove access to P on my devices

    1) I installed K-9 on both of my laptops. I had a friend make up the password to both of those accounts (I used two different email addresses to set up the K-9 on the two laptops, but I probably could have used one email address for both)
    2) I set the filter to block only "Adult Websites" and "Pornographic Material". Every other category I left unblocked. (e.g. If you set the filter to default, it would block "Open Media" sites such as youtube and vimeo)
    3) I manually added this site (YBR), YBOP, rebootnation to the ''Always Allow" Category, and I added the following sites to the "Always Block" Category:
    vk.com, imgur.com, twitter.com, tumblr.com, reddit.com
    4) Gave the battery for an old Android phone to a friend
    5) Enabled restrictions on both of my iphones to block Adult websites and to block the websites I listed above. I also added YBR, YBOP, rebootnation, and wikipedia to the list of websites to always allow
     
  5. Mr. Tony

    Mr. Tony Life is like a game of chess.

    Very nice!!

    I'm close to going a week without pornography myself. My, has this week gone by. And to be honest, I feel a lot better about myself. Thanks for the tips that you have given me.
     
  6. Robane

    Robane Member

    No problem Mr. Tony!
     
  7. Robane

    Robane Member

    Yesterday (Monday) I had minor slip-up in my reboot. Last night I ended up MO'ng to fantasy after several bouts of edging to fantasy during the day. Yesterday I was stuck at home all day with a bad case of stomach problems. The urge to edge actually started Saturday night. I binged watched a show on TV until 3 am Sunday morning. The show had a rating of MA, but it comes on one of the major cable networks. There is no nudity, but there's a lot of soft-core sex scenes and sexual references. I only got 3 hours of sleep on Sunday. Lack of sleep and binging to inappropriate TV shows is a recipe for disaster in terms of rebooting. The lack of sleep dis-inhibits me and my brain then travels to sexual la-la land. I already have a tendency to sexualize my thoughts (i.e. I can very easily shift regular thoughts into sexual fantasies) and lack of sleep accentuates that tendency.

    I will keep track of MO and edging with a separate counter. My initial goal is to make it 1 month without both of them. Will be more vigilant about going to bed on time, and I will not watch any more sexually explicit movies/shows for the next couple months. Before Sunday I made it 21 days without any form of stimulation. In the last week my libido had been pretty high. I've been having MW everyday, including today (after yesterday's MO).

    Still trying to gain consistency in my trading. Had a bad 3 weeks on that front. But I have improved in a lot of areas that are also involved in trading, such as researching and scanning for good picks, and cutting losses early. My problem now is actually trading these picks, and getting out of them with profits. Also I have issues with greed and pride. I can get into a stock at the right price, be profitable for a while, but end up losing money because the trade didn't go as high as I thought it would, and I wouldn't pull the trigger and collect profits because it would mean admitting that my predictions for the stock were wrong. I have to learn how to take what the market gives me, instead of imposing what I want on the market. I will overcome this mental block, and get back into profitable territory again.
     
  8. Robane

    Robane Member

    I made a second counter for No MO and Ediging. For some reason, I can't create a new and separate counter for them, so I just used the default no PMO counter instead
     
  9. Robane

    Robane Member

    I found this quote from someone who commented on BWGIA's video. It really attests to the seriousness of porn addiction:

    "finally on day 43 after 10 months of failing.. some years ago i was for 3 years opium addicted and can't say what's harder to quit. opium you can throw away but your snake you can't."

    Here's a link to the video, which is really good by the way:
     
  10. Robane

    Robane Member

    Between last night and today I struggled with excessive fantasy, P subs, and edging/MO. It was probably due to familial stressors over the holidays. Also the holidays have caused change of my routine, to where I'm stuck at home for the majority of the day. My goal is to go 21 days without artificial stimulation. Starting tomorrow I will change my daily routine and leave the house early in the morning.

    In general, I'm optimistic for 2017. This year (2016) was tough, but I was able to get a clear vision on what I want to do in my life, and I have a general outline of how I'm going to realistically go about achieving my goals.
     
  11. Robane

    Robane Member

    Just a quick update on my progress. I purposefully decided to reduce the amount of time I spent researching ways to quit PMO, or reading YBR, YBOP, and Reddit forums. I've come to the realization that all many of us seem to do is either spend countless hours watching porn or countless hours reading about how to quit porn. Both activities seem to eventually lead to each other. Now I'm just trying to live my life. I'm striving everyday to become the person I really want. Last week I passed a licensing exam that I'd been studying for the past couple weeks. A research paper that I co-authored got published recently as well. Still have some issues to work out in terms of removing P completely. In the past 45 days I watched P on 2 occasions. But I feel that I'm doing a lot better at avoiding relapses than I was 6 months ago. I removed all filters from my devices. I started going to an actual gym 3 days a week (instead of working out by myself at home). I also started doing a vegetarian diet Mon.-Thurs. For some reason I feel less compulsive urges for P and other compulsive behaviors/mindsets that I had before. In subsequent posts I will go into more detail about what I experience reducing/eliminating meat from the diet and how it can affect compulsive behaviors.

    Enjoy:
     
  12. Robane

    Robane Member

    Some good video resources for anyone who happens to stumble upon my journal




     
  13. Daimon

    Daimon Member

    Been a while, man. Hope all is well. Seems as if you've found the Law of Attraction -- there's some truth to that stuff.
     
  14. Robane

    Robane Member

    Hey Man! Long time indeed. I’m trying to periodically come back to the forum in order to post helpful links and resources for everyone. I definitely need these resources as I find myself going back to the old ways from time to time.

    I need to remember that porn is just a symptom of deeper issues that I keep putting off at resolving. Will keep everyone posted.
     

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