Hello everyone, I've decided to give this forum a second try. Like all here, I have struggled with pornography addiction, and am currently still. I decided at the beginning of this year, that I would really start to get a grip on this porn habit that I've had for quite a while. One of my goals, was to go to 90 days without porn, at some point this year. I surpassed that goal two times this year. With all the hard work that I've put into it however, it's still something I have not completely overcome as I've had a few slips recently. There are many reasons for that, I can list some of those reasons here. One of them is because porn is truly a Symptom, not the cause, of having a life that, we don't particularly feel proud of. It was hiding some extremely powerful emotions- Anger, Shame, Depression, Guilt... Emotions of the painbody. Porn fills a void- that void is very real when you start. So then the question becomes, how do I deal with this void? These emotions? This emptiness? That is where I struggled for much of this year, was with my absolute utter rage, shame, depression, and guilt. It has been a real rollar coaster. But what I found super helpful- is that we don’t need to define ourselves by our emotions. If we look at them in a different way, and think of them as separate entities from ourselves, they will be easier to live with. A big part of overcoming porn, is accepting yourself. Accept yourself, where you are in that moment. Regardless of whether you have gone 90 days, 40 days, or are starting back from day 1. We ALL have flaws! That is something so important to realize, and for me, so hard to accept. I know, it is perhaps the hardest thing in this world for me. Because after every relapse, I would feel this crushing shame, and guilt, and sadness. And it's a vicious cycle, cause that shame, leads to more porn, which leads to more shame, and then more porn, and then you know where it goes from there. But, if you can accept yourself, accept where you are, and that your not perfect, because no one is, and accept that yes, you are trying, you are really, really trying to get a handle on this, and that, yeah, it will take a while, but this is where you are AND THAT IS OK!! . Comparing yourself to others is poisonous, because there are SO many factors in this world, and so many differences between people. Comparing on the basis of one difference, "oh he has a better paying job than me" or "oh damn he's on day 300, I'm only on day 3!" is just hurtful to oneself, and does not capture everything. Everyone has different struggles, Everyone is coming from a different place, and everyone has their own heavy load- their lead. Our most important journey in life, is being an Alchemist. How do we turn our Lead into Gold? How do we turn our Suffering into Conciousness? This is the journey for all of us. To turn our lead, into gold. I used to come from the mindset that porn addiction is a curse, it is something that I have to deal with and something heavy, but right now at this moment, I think it is actually a blessing. Because through my journey, and through all of our journeys, we can look at our journeys recovering from porn addiction, to find out what we really want in life, to find out what works for us, and what does not. Because what works for one, may not have any effect on someone else. How can we live our lives, so that we are content, and happy? And conquer this, one step at a time. I will be writing in this journal my own thoughts, and share what has helped me so far in my journey. I intend to use this journal as a helpful, uplifting source of empowerment, for myself, and hopefully others. I had a journal on here before (under Mr. Metalsnake), however I quickly started using it as a stomping grounds for my own negative emotions. I was coming from a place of hatred, of nonacceptance, and I think one of my posts got me temporarily suspended once from here. I plan on not letting that happen again. I will instead, come from a place of presence, and intend to be present, when I write here. Perhaps dealing with one emotion at a time is the best way to organize this, so right now, I'm thinking of journaling one emotion, for every post I make. There are so many things I want to talk about, and I'm not entirely sure how to organize it at the moment, but I will start by writing what I know, and what I've learned.