First of all, SWF, congrats on a year under your belt! And the power lifting trip sounds amazing! I've wanted to go to NZ for a long time, and to couple that with the competition is really admirable. Go0d luck to you!
Thanks @Mozenjo and @path-forward, seriously appreciate it. At risk of doxing myself, I actually compete in Olympic Weightlifting consisting of the Snatch and Clean & Jerk. Honestly, not sure how much I care about doxing myself anyways at this point. Things have been going alright, but have been fighting some urges lately to "peek" or "just take a look" for old times sake. I've resisted so far, but I'm a bit surprised the urges have even been there. Mostly I've been fighting back the debates in my head regarding it being okay, it's just one time. As we all know, just one time turns into another binge or restarts my old habits of "well, it's just 1x a week/day" and "what's the harm?" Don't really have too much going on mentally right now either other than a little nervousness relating to the travel and competition coming up. Here's to all my brothers on here fighting the good fight. May you have a great clean day!!
Sometimes urges can just be triggered by an activity or an event that has been wired to porn use in the past. This can be something like closing the curtains so no one can see you fapping, or something more incidental like a song on the radio that happened to play when you were watching porn. Maybe it even has to do with your travel plans? By not giving in to these urges you're changing your brain: you're disconnecting those trigger events from the behaviour, so they won't bother you in the future.
I'll say! I've had NO actual desires to load up any porn for viewing sake or from active libido, but just by being bored/tired/depressed/lonely (any of the above) while being home alone. Your mind just tells you that PMO IS WHAT YOU DO NEXT when feeling that way. It becomes as second nature as getting a drink of water when thirsty. That it's what you need to feel normal again and think nothing of it, UNTIL you do the reboot! It's crazy how 'wired' PMO gets! It reminds me SO MUCH of quitting Oxy or Benzos (done both) there are times you convince yourself that you NEED it without even feeling any real NEED. (Never backslid at all quitting Benzos after 25 years! Backslid SLIGHTLY 2 times off Oxy but clear for years now on both. Who would have thought the MO part of PMO would be just as tough at times, or tougher!)
