My Journey

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by StarWarsFan, Jan 4, 2022.

  1. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Active Member

    Yeah, I have a way of doing that even though it's not really been easy at all. I can say that I have not gone to the P sites, but I can't say I haven't wanted to, sometimes that want was pretty strong. Since I WFH (own my business) I've been able to get up and do something, like taking a walk, to get the urge to pass. It's still a work in progress, especially urges to MO, but it's getting better and easier to deal with. I also have a very supporting wife in this and I know not everyone does.
    path-forward and Saville like this.
  2. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    SWF. Keep it going! Your strength and journey is very inspiring to me!
    i sense the “want” will be a long term challenge for me as well. As you said, you need to push back on the triggers and resulting urges. Creating new behavior patterns.

    And it definitely helps a lot to have a supporting wife. I thanked my wife yesterday for her strong support - and mentioned some wives on the forum feel betrayed and upset and relatively unsupportive.
    she emphasized that addiction in any form needs very strong support and encouragement to beat it.
    And that one’s wife needs to understand their support is necessary to ultimately help the marriage survive and grow stronger.
    Most importantly - she is not making me feel small or weak. On the contrary - she is making me feel much more deserving of her love and attention. And that she understands my PIED will take some time to get “fully better.” She emphasized that she is not expecting a quick fix - but that I am already showing signs of great improvement.
    I’m in this journey will for the long term and feel very blessed for her support. she has been very concerned about porn’s affect on our sex life for a long time and is very happy that I am finally working hard to help both myself and our marriage.
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2022
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  3. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Hey SWF. Just checking in. It’s been a while since you posted on your thread.
    Though I very much appreciate you acknowledging and giving feedback on my own thread.

    Hope you are doing relatively well.

    I find staying active journaling and keeping up with other brothers very helpful for me - both in regard to maintain discipline and also emotional peace of mind overall. I have come to realize I can’t do this alone and truly need the support and counsel of my brothers on the forum.

    while my wife is very supportive and nonjudgmental about my PMO addiction - I much prefer to rely more on the forum for ongoing encouragement and support - as it brings out much more masculine feelings.
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2022
  4. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Active Member

    Hey path-forward, thanks for checking up on me, appreciate that more than you know. I've been meaning to get back to journaling even if just as an outlet for my thoughts and such, even though I do come on here near daily.

    As to PMO, I've been doing alright although I have had occasions of peeking lately. Not on direct P sites, but it's P no doubt. I'm not doing anything and rarely watch for more than a few minutes, but I'm doing it and need to stop. My streak is still good in my book as I haven't combined PMO, but barely. However, my sex life continues to improve and we're finally (after 25 yrs of marriage) able to discuss it like adults.

    Other than that, life in general has been a bit stressful. Car stuff is annoying and somewhat expensive, and not easy to fix. Job search is not going as well as I would like and my current practice is seeing a bigger decline in new work coming in than ever. So, lots of stuff that would see me doing PMO to cope with it. Luckily, I'm not using P. I have gone to a couple concerts and trying to get back into a couple of hobbies. Strength training for my sport is going alright, seems to be moving in the right direction, so that's good. Not as much as I would like but what can you do.
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  5. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    SWF - you’re very welcome and glad to hear you’re in a good place with your wife. And kudos to you for staying strong in dealing with life’s speed bumps. Tho sorry you need to deal with them.

    Overall - you are doing great! Very happy for you!

    Just try to keep stepping farther and farther from the P subs. It was my downfall 2 weeks ago - and I learned a valuable lesson. You need to starve the addiction. Any morsels of food just increases the urges.

    keep up the fight!
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  6. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    SWF, sounds like you are indeed doing well. path-forward is right, though. We can't give the addiction anything to latch onto, or it will do just that.
    Keep going!
    StarWarsFan likes this.
  7. badger

    badger Well-Known Member

    while i stay away from pmo, my addiction is doing push-ups in silence. it is getting stronger. waiting for me to challenge it. if i don't want to keep getting my ass kicked, i stay out of the ring with the gorilla.
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  8. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Active Member

    Thanks guys, appreciate the support.

    The last few days have been decent. Misunderstood the wife Sunday and gave up a chance for sexy times, then blathered about it a bit too much that night as I'd had a bit too much to drink. Not a real argument as just trying to understand each other more in this regard. She took it in stride and we're good.

    Life wise, I made some time to go visit my dad's grave in early Nov., and I'm low-key looking forward to getting out of here for a few days. Job search is still going and potentially have a couple good leads but who knows if they'll go anywhere. And, I do have a little work possibly coming in so that's good. Anyways, just a quick update.

    By the way, I noticed that after a serious number of days/weeks of no PMO my libido has taken off to uncharted territory. It's always been a bit higher than my wife, but nowadays it seems like that's all I think about!! Anyone else have this happen?
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  9. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    SWF. Sounds like you’re being very reflective about things. And staying in the present. Good for you!

    and yes - I definitely can relate to the increased libido! I’m always generally horny - when things are working well in the bedroom with my wife!

    thankfully if there are no health issues, My wife is typically receptive. She definitely tries her best to make up for the time when she’s away

    very happy for you with your long streak of no porn! Great inspiration for me.
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2022
  10. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Active Member

    Haven't watched P and starting to rein in the MO occasions a bit. Without being too graphic, I think my morning M sessions in the shower with soap is/was causing some oversensitization and PE. Haven't done that all week and will hopefully see the effects this weekend.

    Training has been going okay, but getting a bit fatigued due to a challenge I'm almost at the end of. I'm ready for it to be over as it's taking a toll on me. Ordered and started a shoulder rehab program and initial impressions are very good, so we'll see how it continues to go.

    Job search is depressing even though people keep trying to tell me the market is hot. Will keep plugging away while hoping that new work will start flowing in soon.

    Finally made the decision and booked my flight back home to visit my dad's grave. Will be the first time since he passed back in 2013.
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  11. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Active Member

    Everything still going pretty well. Have started working on reducing/eliminating sleep aids such as melatonin and other supplements. Starting to work, but sleep quality is still inconsistent. Also keeping my drinking to a more moderate level.

    Training has been going pretty well, just kicking my butt. But, that's to be expected. Have had a couple interviews for positions with law firms and looking forward to getting an offer from one soon. Also looking forward to shutting down my solo practice and just being able to do the work. Things looking up for sure.
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  12. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Active Member

    Managed an emotional trip last week without acting out on PMO. Huge win for me. Some details:

    Went back home to visit my Dad's grave (he passed away 9 yrs ago at the age of 66 due to complications from surgery recovery). I had last seen him that year but in July, so I wasn't there when it happened. I had thought I had come to terms with him being gone, but the last couple of years had me wanting to visit his grave. I'm really glad I did as it helped me to process his death. I came home feeling at peace.

    Also, while there (for 3 days) I was able to visit one of my best friends to catch up. Additionally, met up with more of my biological family along with the previous members I had met. For reference, I was adopted when I was approx. 18 months old and had never met my biological family. It's been extremely cathartic to meet and get to know them. My bio mother has passed away but she was part of a large family.

    Anyways, all that to say that although the week was seriously emotional I was able to handle it much better then I would have previously. I was tempted several times, but tried to keep myself as busy as possible and not stuck in my hotel room.
    badger, path-forward, Mozenjo and 4 others like this.
  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    What an incredible week you had, SWF. Congrats on staying the course.
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  14. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Yeah, very touching and inspiring story, SWF. You are doing great!
    path-forward likes this.
  15. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

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  16. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Active Member

    Hey Rudolf, thanks for checking in. Been doing alright, generally, no PMO. However, I have slipped a few times recently regarding viewing P (no MO associated with it though). I lied to myself that because it wasn't on a specific P site that it was P-subs but have been working to be honest with myself regarding the true nature of it. I feel it may be why I'm still struggling with some PE during sex. The biggest positive is that our sex life has been revitalized this past year and we're communicating much better with each other than before. I'm still working on my personal issues regarding stress and anxiety that drove me to PMO for so long, also still working on finding a job so I can close my practice. Things are looking up, so I'm hopeful that something will come along sooner rather than later.
    Saville, Gil79 and Rudolf Geyse like this.
  17. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    SWF - Overall - You are doing wonderfully and are definitely an inspiration to folks like me on this forum - who need to work on staying focused and disciplined for much longer periods than we have accomplished so far.

    Great work with being honest with yourself about viewing P.

    And best of luck finding a new gig that allows you to move on from your current employment situation.
    Gil79, StarWarsFan and Rudolf Geyse like this.
  18. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Active Member

    Thank you, that means a lot. I still have my issues to work on, that's for sure, but I'm happy to be an inspiration to others here on this journey.
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  19. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Active Member

    So, I know I've said this before but I'm going to really try and journal here once a week. I think that will work for now.

    I've had a decent amount of stuff happening the last week or so. The contract work I got became a toxic relationship and it ended last Friday. Although I was relieved it was bitterweet at the same time. I really wanted the work, I just also wanted a more open communication with the client/contact. I'm going to continue looking for something more like that.

    I've also applied for a couple of jobs and looking at another one this week. I'm a little anxious about them but dealing with it fairly well. I would be lying if I said that I haven't thought about PMO, for many reasons including the stress from last week, the anxiety of job searching, and just in general after having gone so long without viewing porn.

    Weightlifting wise, I'm planning a trip to New Zealand for a competition (mainly because we really want to go there) and vacation in March. Trying to get my lifts in a good place to make this worth it.
    Gil79, Rudolf Geyse, Mozenjo and 2 others like this.
  20. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    SWF Job stress is always a tough one. You are showing a lot of fortitude in fighting back on the urges! Great effort!

    And a trip to NZ sounds amazing!

    Power lifting takes a A LOT of dedication! Channel that sense of discipline into fighting back on PMO.

    You are doing great - given everything going on with you. Hang in there and keep up the good work!
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2023
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