My Journey

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by StarWarsFan, Jan 4, 2022.

  1. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Have been doing well, no PMO, although I have MO.

    I decided to change my counter back to the no P, which fits my goals better. I'll be working on longer streaks of no MO, but that's not really my ultimate goal in this.

    Last couple of weeks have been a little stressful due to recovering files from crashed computer and working on existing client matters. I seem to be over the worst of it at this point, though.
     
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  2. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Friday, 3/4

    Viewed no Porn today.

    Had a decent work day then went to gym and lifted. Had sex with wife and feel asleep pretty quickly. Good day.

    Saturday, 3/5

    Viewed no Porn today.

    Relatively busy day with lifting then D&D at a friends house. Drank a bit and gamed a bit later than normal but all good.

    Sunday, 3/6

    Viewed no Porn today.

    Decided to actually compete again and registered for Nationals at the end of April. I have no hope of medaling if the other athletes show up but that's okay. I'm just looking forward to getting back out there. Only got about 6 hrs sleep due to getting home late Sat night. Ready to start comp prep tomorrow.
     
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  3. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Monday, 3/7

    Viewed no Porn today.

    Pretty boring day really, work has started to slow down a little bit. Lifting went decently well and low back is starting to feel better. Sleep improving little by little (greatly reduced caffeine intake)

    Tuesday, 3/8

    Viewed no Porn today.

    A couple instances of M, but no urge to finish. Not really sure why I do this. Light training then D&D which was fun.

    Wednesday, 3/9

    Viewed no Porn today.

    Another light work day, but had a couple of potential client calls. Had an in person networking event that was fun. Good day.
     
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  4. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Thursday, 3/10

    No Porn today.

    I M'd a couple of times but didn't let it go very far, just focusing on how good it feels.

    Lifted tonight and moved well, then ordered pizza for dinner as the wife worked late and it arrived completely destroyed (think it fell off the seat and sat on edge in the box). It was edible, though and I didn't feel like going back out.

    Friday, 3/11

    No Porn today.

    Took a pic of the pizza delivery debacle back to the place and showed manager, got a credit for free pizza. Talked to a colleague about a matter I'm dealing with for work and that went well.

    MO'd. I knew it was coming and I need to handle this better. Going to work on headspace related to this.

    Saturday, 3/12

    No Porn today.

    Good day just chilling out. Was a bit tired all day, not sure why, and my workout showed it.

    Sunday, 3/13

    No Porn today.

    Had sex this morning and it was good. Otherwise, just a basic Sunday not doing much. I realized I sit in front of the computer a bit too much on the weekends, so I'll likely be working on that also.
     
  5. True Change

    True Change Active Member

    Keep up the no porn streak @StarWarsFan

    Have you noticed your lifts going up from abstaining?
     
  6. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Thanks @True Change

    Yes, but I think there are multiple factors at play there, including greatly reducing my caffeine intake, but all of those things seem to be increasing my sleep quality which is key.
     
  7. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Monday, 3/14

    Viewed no Porn today.

    Pretty boring day really, work has started to slow down a little bit. Low back is feeling way better but strained my left bicep tendon on a lift and now it's pissed off. Sleep is still not great as I'm waking about 4-5 am and not falling back asleep quickly, leading to sleeping in a bit too much (insomnia).

    Broke down and ordered generic cialis to get my EQ back along with some confidence. I already struggle with low level anxiety. Took a 5mg tonight to determine how I react (slight stuffy nose).

    Tuesday, 3/15

    Viewed no Porn today.

    A couple instances of M, but no urge to finish. Not really sure why I do this. Light training then D&D which was fun. The cialis definitely works as I got pretty solid nocturnal and morning wood.

    Wednesday, 3/16

    Viewed no Porn today.

    Another light work day, but had a couple of potential client calls. MO'd today. It's been building up from short but frequent M sessions. Really need to rein that in.

    Thursday, 3/17

    No Porn today.

    Lifted tonight and moved well, then decided to take another cialis (generic) since we were going out on a date. Had sex later and it was awesome. Erection was full and solid and stayed around easily without me thinking about it (very happy I went through with getting it).

    Friday, 3/18

    No Porn today.

    Getting better and reining in touching myself and M'ing.

    Saturday, 3/13

    No Porn today.

    Still working on bettering my sleep quality/insomnia. Trying to stop drinking earlier before bed and quit the benedryl (was only taking half dose anyways). I think my body is still trying to figure this out.

    Sunday, 3/13

    No Porn today.

    Left shoulder bicep tendon still bothering me but I'm working on it. Found a small bullet style vibrator in my wife's nightstand (looking for something else entirely). It was in a pouch but I curiously looked to see what it was. I know prior to last Dec she was "taking care of herself" due to our great lack of sex (about 1-2 times a year), so pretty sure that's why she had it. Debating asking her about it though. Had a discussion about our/my newly reinvigorated sex drive due to removing porn and limiting M and that went well (lead to another round of sex which was pretty fantastic).
     
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  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This is awesome!
     
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  9. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Just a quick update, sorry I haven't posted much lately. Haven't watched any P, although I have been having more urges to do so lately, not sure why.

    Relationship with the wife, and sex, continues to get better and better. Now I'm working on getting my sleep quality better. Pretty sure I'm going through some insomnia related to cutting back my drinking and maybe even some catch-up with P withdrawal, but who knows. Most likely it's a combination of the two conspiring to wreck my sleep.
     
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  10. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Haven't posted in a long while, mainly because journaling is not my norm. However, I decided that I would like to do it more and I do come here to read other experiences. So, here we go. Keep in mind that I've decided to make this a more all-around journal rather than just my PIED and porn addiction journey, so there will be other stuff I talk about such as my training, working on my sleep, and other personal battles I'm working on for myself.

    I won't go into too much right now, just want to get this restarted. But, I'm still P free and only MO about 1-2x's a week. Sex life has improved and our communication related to it has improved drastically. It could still use some work, but I'm pretty happy with where we are (1-2 x's a week right now). However, I'm a little worried about getting too comfortable in this situation and relapsing back to old habits. I've recently been viewing some P-subs. It's really only peeking and no MO but it's troubling all the same and I need to get it out of my head. Other than that, I'm really happy with my progress here.

    Sleep has continued to improve along with being comfortable cutting back my drinking. I've instituted 2 nights a week of not drinking and my sleep those 2 nights has been measurably better.

    Enough for now, but I'll go into more stuff related to my weight training in the future. Not really sure if I care if I dox myself considering the sport I compete in is relatively niche, but we'll see how that plays out.
     
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  11. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Went out for date night last night and had a great conversation regarding me and my business. Basically, I've been in a bit of a funk the last couple of days and yesterday was the worst. But, talking it out and realizing that it's not a big deal if I decide to find a job and give up the business was a huge weight off my shoulders. Don't know if I said it before, but I'm a Patent Attorney running my own law firm for the last almost 7 yrs and I think it's time for a change. I hate running my own practice, all of the little admin stuff I have to do all the time frustrates and annoys me and induces too much stress. So, I've decided it's time to move on. Ideally, I would like to find a contract job (Of Counsel or otherwise) with a law firm or an in house position where I just manage their IP portfolio. We'll see what's out there.

    I've decided to modify my training a little bit to get some leg strength back and rebuild my overhead strength which has suffered the last couple of years due to unforseen issues. Wed training went well, just lighter than I wanted, but something to build off of.

    Going to a concert tonight with the wife, one of her favorite bands, and really looking forward to it. The band is called Kongos, look them up. You're welcome.
     
  12. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Pretty good weekend. Friday, after turning on my LinkedIn profile to accept jobs I received a response from a company with what I consider to be a dream job. Responded this morning and now I'm updating my resume. Been feeling much better all weekend, stress wise. Saturday training went pretty well, legs are sore as crap and have to manage that but comes with the territory.

    Have a great week guys and keep fighting the good fight!!
     
  13. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Yeah man!

    Nice to hear about your change, hope it goes well for you. Also glad to see your good streak. And being aware of potentially slipping into old habits. All positive, especially if you pre-empt those old habits with constructive ways to deal with triggers which you prepare in advance. Frequent MO is not helpful for me, but you gotta know yourself. All the best
     
  14. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Just a quick check in, everything is going pretty well. Not really tempted to go back to P but have been more tempted by the P-subs lately.

    The position I was interested in ended up being put on hold, so nothing going there. Have been quietly reaching out to some colleagues I've networked with in the past and will probably start looking at some recruiting boards soon.

    Also, going to the Tears for Fears/Garbage concert tonight here locally and really looking forward to it, although it'll be hot out. Cheers all, keep on fighting the good fight!!
     
  15. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Figured I would throw an update in. Currently sitting on the back porch of an air bnb on the north shore of Oahu on vacation with my in-laws for the first week then we go to the big island to Hilo just ourselves for the second week.

    Been doing well in not viewing P and have calmed way down on the P-subs. I still M about every other day or so, but mostly just because I like feeling myself get hard (not sure why I do this) and MO about once a week. I'm sure this will go down some over time, but not too worried about it. Have slowly been trying sex without the C and it has been working, so good news there too. Didn't bring any with me on this 2 weeks so we'll have to see if that holds up.

    I have been tempted a bit more lately to go back to P a few times, but that seems to be stress related and I've been able to fight off the urges. I don't think I've got this in the bag, but I'm feeling pretty good about not having PMO as a default for my daily/weekly stresses.

    Cheers all!!
     
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  16. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    So, to back off my last post, still going well. No P, but did have a bit more MO than normal that first week of vacation. However, did well after that.

    To give a bit more explanation, I've been sick (cold, no Covid) since the Thursday before we left). We attempted sex while at the vrbo, but she had gotten the cough also and it wasn't really that great. In addition, my nephew is autistic and his antics (for lack of a better description) got to me during the week.

    After we traveled to the big island on Sunday, without the in-laws and my wife's sister's family, we had a great week. My birthday was this last Tuesday and we had sex twice, of which I did not need the Cialis since I hadn't brought it with us, and I was able to perform well enough. Then, she was very much in the mood Wednesday night, and we had a very nice more drawn out night where I was a little worried about performing but it all worked out pretty well. To be more precise, she got me hard and I got her off fingering but lost the erection and was slightly worried about getting it back, however that turned out to not be a big problem and I was able to (pardon the pun) rise above my thoughts and have some good intercourse.

    Now we're home and just trying to get back to somewhat normal, but good things came out of this last week and I really hope that my performance continues to improve and get better.
     
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  17. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    If you can ditch the MO you'll be golden. Love the progress!
     
  18. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    If I'm honest with myself, I agree. Thanks!!
     
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  19. path-forward

    path-forward Active Member

    @StarWarsFan. I’m new here. Just read through your posts. Really appreciate you sharing your journey!

    Your progress was very inspiring for me! Congrats and best of luck keeping it going!

    And good luck with your lifting! Respect you taking on that level of competition!
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2022
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  20. SomethingElse

    SomethingElse New Member

    You make it all seem like smooth sailing SWF, but that's usually a sign of someone who has worked hard at honing their craft. I hope the rest of summer sets up nicely for you too.
     
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