My Journey

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by StarWarsFan, Jan 4, 2022.

  1. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    No PMO today.

    Very unmotivated to work today, so kind of took it off. However, was tempted several times to PMO but resisted. Coming up on 2 weeks clean.
     
  2. badger

    badger Well-Known Member

    i know since i gave up alcohol completely, my life has changed dramatically. all for the better. now i'm working on this filthy addiction. much tougher than the alcohol. hang in there my brother.
     
    StarWarsFan likes this.
  3. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    @badger I doubt I'll give up beer completely, but greatly reducing intake is what I'm after for now. Sleep quality is taking some time to get back though.

    No PMO today. But, had some temptations this afternoon when the wife left for a happy hour with her work friends. I'm pretty sure this came about from earlier, though, when I went back to her and had a very intimate hug/kiss where I actually felt like I might rise to the occasion if it went further (I kind of wanted it to, but it was middle of the day). There was definitely some movement down there. I'll take that as a good sign!!
     
    realness, badger and CleanBootsBaby! like this.
  4. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    It is a good sign, buddy. Keep at keeping it!
     
  5. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Thanks guys. Had a good weekend, no PMO. Got intimate with the wife Sat night, but a bit too much alcohol caused problems down there. However, she went away more than satisfied so it was all good. Next morning, I decided to MO in the shower, no P or F. No regrets and no chaser effect. Working on some solutions to cut back the drinking on the weekend. Also, got all the preliminary stuff done before doc visit next Mon.
     
  6. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    No PMO today.

    In fact, I think I'm in a flatline the last couple of days. Have very low libido and no real interest in sex or PMO for that matter.
     
  7. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    No PMO today.

    Might be getting something back in my libido but it's not much at this point.

    My lower back soreness seems to finally be getting better due to some technique changes in my lifting. Also, have an important meeting set up for Friday morning, so hopefully that will go well.
     
  8. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    No PMO today.

    That's about all.
     
    Saville and CleanBootsBaby! like this.
  9. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    Good stuff!
     
  10. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    No PMO yesterday or today (about to head to gym then out with friend for UFC watch).

    It occurs to me that I'm not sure whether it's my libido coming back this week or just wanting the release that PMO gives. I want sex with the wife but she hasn't seemed in the mood lately so PMO or even just MO sound like a good idea. I'm bad about communicating to her that I'm interested or pretty much always open to it, probably need to just have a chat about it.

    Also looking forward to Monday's dr appt to see if my hormones are out of balance. Been thinking about this quite a bit lately (I overthink about things a lot, btw).
     
    realness likes this.
  11. realness

    realness Well-Known Member

    I think you're right on SWF! Wanting sex with the wife is a great sign that you are making great progress toward sexual sanity and the proper exercise of your manhood. It will create some problems, good problems like awkward conversations, uneven sexual drives, differing opinions on when/how to have sex, spontaneity, etc. Problems that are healthy and normal to confront and grow relationships, but problems we've avoided through PMO. I'm going through them now. But I love these problems compared to the guilt and power-down escape and unreality of PMO.
     
    Saville, StarWarsFan and Libertad like this.
  12. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Thanks @realness

    I did MO yesterday morning. Woke up with strong wood and just couldn't/didn't let it go. No P and definitely going to keep it that way, but no MO has been more difficult even if it's only once a week or so. Will have to be more vigilant.

    Doc visit went alright, but it's clearly a TRT clinic not a real doctor's office. They took blood so that will be good to go over next week, but then he spent about 30-45 min going over TRT and how his approach is different. I'm not really looking to get on it unless my levels are pretty low, so after going through stuff next week I'll be asking for a general PCP doc he can refer me to.
     
  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I'm personally against chatting with a partner about sex. The conversation will never go the way the man is intending. Basically, no conversation with a spouse ever does go the way you want. Instinctively women know they are in the drivers seat when it comes to talking. From the time they're little kids they are practicing their lawyer act and men can never catch up. We just want sex, to release our load, but the woman believes she wants intimacy. In this case intimacy means power. That's why, when a woman lets us have sex with her, she's exercising her right of possession over us; we are her man.

    If we say, "gee honey, I would really like to have sex more," she is going to say something like, "well, how about you help more around the house? I'm so tired after work and you're bugging me about sex?" Or it could be another tack: "I don't feel sexy anymore." "I'm too stressed." "I've got too much work to do." This is why I just put myself front and center when I really want sex. I touch her a lot and kiss her neck. I ask her for hugs and kisses. This is a signal that I desire her. And, it is through signaling that we truly get our messages across. Sometimes, if the mood feels right, I'll pull my dick out and say "just give it a touch." Of course, sometimes this gets her ticked off, but it let's her know I have a libido that needs servicing. I sometimes just say: "I'm really horny."

    I decided a few years ago that I know longer care about my wife's feelings. Okay, fine, sometimes she's not going to want to have sex and I'm good with that. But, I do extract a promise that we'll do the bumpy bumpy the next day.

    As men we've been inundated about everything that women want. We are told to listen, to talk, to be sensitive, and as far as I can see that's just led to a lot of unhappy marriages or, at best, sexless ones. Old-fashion, cave man, "me want you" has served me better than all the pains I've gone through trying to understand any woman and trying to have them understand me.

    23 days, my man! You're killing it!
     
    Libertad likes this.
  14. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Women want attention, men want sex. The bargain chips of each side. They are the gatekeeper of sex, men are the gatekeeper of relationships.

    Once a man gives a women a commitment through an exclusive commited relationship or through marriage, his negociating power deminishes, esspecially with the laws in western countries. which make it difficult to exchange the wife when she does not fullfill her part, but the women negociating power is still the same as it was at the beginning, because it is not a one time thing like marriage is intended to be unless a divorce is filed which can be expensive.
     
  15. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    No PMO today.

    Have had urges, but that's mainly because I'm tired and a bit overwhelmed with work to get done, not to mention the dr visit yesterday was nothing more than a TRT sales pitch.

    Onward and upward.
     
  16. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Last night I MO'd. Stress and such came to a head from this week after my laptop decided to crap out on me yesterday. Basically, it was a 5 yr old gaming laptop that somehow had the OS and/or Windows get corrupted. When I booted up it yesterday it gave me an error "Automatic Repair Failed" and would not allow me into the system. I tried everything my family/friends, who are very techie, gave me all to no avail. So, went out and bought new laptop and while setting it up knocked over and spilled most of a very good beer I was thoroughly enjoying. Then, as I was reading before bed I started touching myself because it felt good, and one thing led to another. I told myself I shouldn't do it but don't think my heart was really into stopping myself. No P at all and I had had a few beers (minus the amount I spilled) so getting it up at all was somewhat satisfying. I'm just disappointed in myself so reset my counter. Going to try and treat this next 30 days like a competition with myself, so we'll see how that goes.
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2022
  17. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    No PMO the last couple of days.

    Had sex this morning and it went better. Got about 90% erect and it stayed during PIV. However, as it was happening, she slowed me down due to her adjusting (she even said it felt like I was bigger) and that was all it took for me. Still going to call it a win. Still working on confidence regarding keeping it up but I like where it's heading.

    Also, realized this morning afterwards that it's really been about just over 2 months of no P (except for that experiment about 4 weeks ago).
     
  18. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    No PMO through the weekend.

    Not looking forward to this week with several appointments along with finishing getting the new computer set-up (mainly installing a couple of programs and resetting some client files which were lost). Also, have the follow-up with the TRT doc this morning so I'll report in regarding the results.

    Onward and upward.
     
  19. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    No PMO

    So, got my blood test results back yesterday. Total T was normal, maybe even above normal for a 48 yr old guy. Free T was low as was IGF (both related to my lifting and recovery) whereas Cortisol was a touch high. After discussing it seems I'm drinking too much caffeine (400-550mg per day) and that's affecting my sleep quality to a larger degree than I thought. So, today was first day in decreasing that amount by over half. Everything else was fairly normal and good, except cholesterol and LDL, which were both pretty high. Not going on anything but will be working on diet a lot.
     
  20. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    No PMO. I've M'd a few times the last couple of days, though. Need to get a handle on this.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2022

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