My Journey Towards Self-Improvement

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by usernotfound, Sep 30, 2017.

  1. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    I want to put this out there for others to see because I think it could be helpful, and it would be nice to get all this off my chest.

    I started masturbating with porn when I was 12. I was a daily masturbator, sometimes more for a while, and by the time I was in middle school there were some days where I would pump out 3 or 4 sessions. I remember several times in my life where I became raw.

    I'm sure that bullying and social anxiety had something to do with me developing such a strong addiction here. I managed to find some real tangible happiness back in high school and I have been able to retain that through my college years, but I never have had a physical relationship with a girl. I'm sure the longer that went on, the worse this made my problem. I'm at the point where I'd be scared to have sex for fear I couldn't get fully erect and that I'd orgasm instantly. I don't even want to think about trying that until my spontaneous erections come back, as to me that's the only way to be sure I'm OK short of masturbating.

    As of right now I have seen very small progress, but the urges are still really strong. I've become someone who is oversexed. I feel obsessed with sex often times, and I just want to bang every girl that is even remotely attractive. It really weighs on me. It makes me feel like a piece of shit.

    All in all, I've made a lot of progress in overcoming depression, learning to navigate the social world, and learning to have a healthy relationship with women, but I still have this one last hurdle to overcome and it's really been rough. I have put myself in this position and no one can help me but me. For the first time in a while this whole issue is pushing me back towards the sadness I used to feel, and it makes me feel really alone. There's hope in all of this, but I think this is the hardest thing I've had to deal with in my life.

    I apologized for this extremely emotional outpouring. I just felt like I needed to vent. So far I've made it a week without orgasm, and 5 days with no porn or masturbation. Here's hoping to beating this habit once and for all! The urges are strong but I will be stronger.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2017
  2. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    A lot of things are going through my mind lately. I am still having doubts about this whole thing and feeling confused. I don't get how I can't even get fully hard even with porn. I still haven't really seen much in the way of improvement, and I'm just depressed that I can't function normally. I don't want my sex life to be over before it begins. I want to find someone I can really connect with on every level, and the fact that I can't perform just ruins that. I just don't know where to go from here.
     
  3. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    Had a bit of a relapse. I pmoed once and have been doing some edging. My eq was pretty good, but has been going down the more I edge. I think I can kick this thing. I think I can regain my potence, and I hope I can get back to the point where I don't have to limit myself to one orgasm a week or less. Has anyone here been able to have sex often after getting clean?
     
  4. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    I met a really great girl, so I'm really feeling like I should get myself clean ASAP, but she just gets me going. EQ keeps going down. I need to learn to control my libido. It's so easy to get me going it's pathetic. I think if I can break a month I'll be OK. This will be the time I finally make it to a month cold turkey.
     
  5. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    I'm finally seeing some progress! Even with a couple relapses thus far, I've gotten to the point where I got morning wood for a change, and I've managed to get some erections that are closer to full strength with no stimulation. I think if I can truly beat this I'll be back to 100% normal. I hope that kicking this habit will also free me of the PE I've dealt with.
     
  6. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    I really need to figure out a better way to control urges. Just can't help myself sometimes. It's worse when I feel more more confident. I've been having several good days in a row, and I'm sure if I continue like this I'll destroy my progress. I need to figure something better out soon. Does anyone have any tips?
     
  7. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    I've been reducing the amount of edging I do. Tomorrow I'm going to be going back on hard mode. I've been 3 days with no orgasm but showing little improvement since I've been edging, and since I had a really bad weekend and destroyed all my progress. The good thing is I'm taking things really slow with this girl I met so I don't think I'll even try to have sex with her for a month or two. I think by that time I'll be in good enough condition to have sex. I still really need to get my libido under control though.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2017
  8. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    I'm finally feeling like I'm in control of myself. I wasn't able to competition abandon edging until 2 days ago but for the first time in a while I feel like I'm in control of myself. I don't feel so ravenous lol. I feel free. I have not noticed any improvement in the past couple days like I did the first time I tried rebooting, so I'm hoping this is just a flatline. I'll keep this updated and hopefully when I beat this I can help people beat it as well.
     
  9. Elrond15

    Elrond15 New Member

    Just wanna say keep it up man, and respect the process. You may not know it but you are encouraging people
     
  10. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    Thanks dude. Good to hear.
     
  11. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    I'm fully back on hard mode today. I haven't given up on my goal of one month, and I know that I can get there this time. The other day I just felt like I absolutely had to let one go because my balls had started to hurt really bad. When I did it was the most painful orgasm I've ever had. My balls kept hurting for 2 days after on and off. Has anyone ever had this happen?

    Another thing I have found really helpful is listening to philosophy. I've found some stuff to be really helpful, and I am feeling like I can really take responsibility for myself. My urges are growing weaker and easier to control. Hopefully I can get fully healed eventually.

    I'm also gonna try adding horny goat weed to my regimen and see if that helps. I've heard a lot of good things about it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2017
  12. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    I have added horny goat weed to my regimen and the first day I tried it, shit went through the roof. I went from the beginning of a flatline to like 60% hard with just thoughts. Now though it is having minimal effect. I'll start to gradually increase the dose and see if it helps. I'm taking the minimum right now and only that was enough to get my heart racing so I want to be careful.

    Beyond that, I'm 3 days on true hard mode. No porn, no touching whatsoever, no cheating in any way. I'm feeling really good about myself even though I really haven't seen many improvements. I think I should go back to doing consistent pelvic stretches because I have been slacking off lately. I've also been noticing a shooting pain in my penis and testicles that only last for a flash, so that has me worried. I am however, very hopeful that I can beat this, and feel well on my way to doing so. My urges are just gone. I still feel like I want to have sex, but I never feel the urge to M anymore.

    I've also finally found the motivation to start doing things I've always wanted to do in my life. This change is helping me take responsibility for my actions and add meaning to my life. This is a change for my health and for myself as a person. I'm getting there this time.
     
  13. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    Been having some pretty strong urges today. I have found it helpful to keep thinking that nothing is worth sacrificing my health for. The satisfaction I get from this will be nothing compared to what I get from a real woman. I'm not going to give in.
     
  14. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    I'm making great progress. I was able to get keep hard with just erotic thoughts today several times. One time it was for quite a long while and was probably 60-70%. I'm getting a ton of urges now and my libido is fucking through the roof. I keep having to tell myself it isn't worth it. In the past I've never been able to stop at even the slightest urge but now I feel I can. Only 5 days of detoxing and I'm doing much better. This is the time I make it work. I'm going to make it at least 30 days and hopefully by then I will be feeling up to trying something with a girl. My confidence is way high too so I'm hoping I can translate that into something positive. I'll keep everyone posted. Good luck to everyone else on the journey.
     
  15. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    I'm a whole week clean. No cheating, no anything. This time I'm having more of a flatline than the last time, and I'm not really getting many random erections as I did the last time. I have one day I'm unbelievably horny, and the next day I feel like I should be but I'm not. Hopefully things will even out and I won't be so all over the place.

    I've also found a lot more motivation for things. My hair doesn't fall out as easily anymore and my vision is improving. I go through days where I have shaky hands and a lot of itching, but that's less frequent now so hopefully all the withdrawal symptoms will go away.
     
  16. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    I decided I needed a release today. My balls were hurting a lot but when I went to get off I was doing amazing. Still had pretty bad PE about after 12 days of perfect hard mode, I was probably 90-95% the whole time. I had an easy time staying hard and easily got hard with minimal simulation. I also had a great orgasm today. I nearly hit myself in the face lol. I'm beginning to think that the bigger part of my issue is burnout not porn use itself. I'm gonna try masturbating every other week, and eventually hopefully less if my body can get used to it.
     
  17. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    I'm starting to see some incredible results. I've been talking with a girl I really like and I have managed several spontaneous erections that were 80+%, sometimes even above 90%. They last for at least a few seconds before going down. I have realized that I subconsciously kegeled in the past to keep my erection, so I need to learn to stay hard without kegeling. I'm making tremendous progress though. When I finally get back to full health I will go over in detail everything I did and how I think you guys can help yourselves. I hope to be fully healed in a few months.
     
  18. usernotfound

    usernotfound Member

    Today was a real mixed bag. I finally got back in the gym for the first time in a while, and was seeing some of the benefits of my abstinence, but I had a relapse, and towards the end of my relapse I was losing my erection quality. Even though I fucked up today I really felt myself get triggered. I now know what kinds of stress trigger me and can maybe work to counter that. Going back on my goal of one month clean, but I'm gonna go off the horny goat weed. That stuff is helpful for EQ, but I think it may be giving me a false positive and it also makes it hard to resist temptation because I'm pretty much constantly horny. I'll experiment with it more after I get through one month. Hopefully my progress isn't totally lost and I wasn't having a false positive or exaggerated results.
     

Share This Page