My Journey To Success

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by ace1234, Aug 2, 2012.

  1. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 4

    Early in the day here, but I have accomplished nothing so far and am tempted to watch porn. I can feel the desire to do so along with the emptiness and existential nothingness that I feel. It's not a good combination. Drinking an energy drink so it feels nice. That's literally all I have to look forward in my day is an energy drink. I am just gonna keep reminding myself why I can't look at porn and why I don't want to either.
     
  2. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 5

    So last night I got really depressed and peaked a few porn vids. I was able to stop, but it was really difficult. I hate porn and how it just makes me keep looking at it.
     
  3. John Smith

    John Smith New Member

    dont get distracted by porn. my gf broke up with me a year ago, thought she was the one; was together for 3 years then one day gone. got super depressed for many months, recently became emotionally detached from her. lost 200k in a failed business. its at these down times that one is able to surpass the old self.

     
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  4. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Damn John. I don't know much about you, but you got to tell me more. I lost 50k about a year and a half ago and have barely been able to pick myself up from it. I had to move back in with a friend of mine and it's been really bad since then. That was the most money I have ever had and I lost it all. It's absolutely devastated me. I've been searching for some kind of material or something to help me get over it, but all the content online is just so generic none of it really relates to me.

    How much money did you have before then and what are you doing now?
     
  5. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Im gonna reset

    Just keep watching the stuff. I never orgasm. Just edge. Still inflames my acne. Is there anyone who reads this journal? I need help and some encouragement. I really want to end my life. I am utterly helpless and I don't think there is anything that I could do to stop watching it. It's too powerful of a drug and addiction. I don't know sometimes I feel like I am typing into the the ether. Someone say a prayer for me. Where are you God? Save me.
     
  6. Bestrongnopmo

    Bestrongnopmo Member

    Keep strong man!
     
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  7. John Smith

    John Smith New Member

    today my depression came back with a vengeance. thinking about the good times 2-3 years ago. good times at work, my relationship with my gf was at its peak. sometimes i wish i could go back in time and just relive those days forever. i guess downfalls happen for a reason. soon im going to watch a bunch of zyzz motivational videos then workout
     
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  8. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Thanks Bestrongnopmo. I'm doubling my efforts.
     
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  9. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Hey John. Thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear that the depression is coming back. I totally understand and can relate to everything you wrote. That's exactly where I am at myself. I keep thinking about the past and the good old times. I had a very similar situation. I had a great job, lots of money, and I was 2 years younger. I just want to relive those days myself and fix the mistakes that I made that put me where I am today. Glad to hear you are working out though. I also recently, just 2 days ago renewed my gym membership. I did some easy exercises and it's amazing how out of shape I am. Even easy stuff made me sore. I think if we hit the gym then we are doing something positive for ourselves despite being in such a negative space. We can do something to feel better about ourselves at the end of the day.
     
  10. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 1

    today I talked to my friend/roomate about my addiction, my hair loss, and acne and how they are all related. He knows about my PMO struggle and amazingly he actually doesn't suffer from this addiction at all. I look up to him in a way because of this. It was good to get out all that anxiety. I made a commitment in front of him to stop PMO. It begins and began today. When I was a kid I would look at addicts or alcoholics and think "just stop". Now that I am an addict I know how hard and difficult it is to do so. I know the tricks the mind plays in the addict and the doubts that constantly bombard the man who is trying to quit. They try to confuse him and overload him with ideas to make quitting more complicated than it is. When overthinking, I am just going to go back to "just stop".

    Feel a bit nauseous so thats it for my post
     
  11. John Smith

    John Smith New Member

    just stop. simple in theory, difficult in reality. im going into week 3 now, probably the longest streak i had in years and the urges are kicking in. luckily i have safesearch on so nothing will be available in my browser. the urges do feel bad but knowing that if i do pmo i will feel worse and lose progress.
     
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  12. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    John what safesearch are you using?
     

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