My Journey To Success

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by ace1234, Aug 2, 2012.

  1. Lifeisbeautiful

    Lifeisbeautiful Active Member

    Never give up!
    ace1234 likes this.
  2. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    i've been on this journey as long as you mate, and we will achieve it..we will reach who we want to be..We have to go to the root cause and attack it, and we cannot let boredom and curiosity overtake us...
    I've made a grave mistake, and if I can come out of it alive, I will change my life and go back to being the man that I always wanted to be

    So ask yourself, what kind of person do you want to be? What kind of person do you admire? Push to become that person
    I'll be on this journey with you brother
    Let's do it
    ace1234 likes this.
  3. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Went 17 days no problem. I was out hiking in the mountains and hiked 10,000 feet. It was a great experience. All the while I was keeping in mind returning and preserving my state, but alas when I got back one of the first things I did was watch P.

    On to a new start. I need to focus more on meditating "the urge to watch" out.

    Also thanks for the post Cham.
  4. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 1

    Complaining on your journal. Is it worth it? Probably....

    Why? I think it allows you to express your frustration with relapse and allows you to get on with your life in a good way. Instead of always trying to be positive and happy and carefree, like "Oh, I relapsed, no big deal... I'll do it someday" how bout we just cut it out and get a little upset. There is nothing wrong with being dissatisfied and displeased with yourself because for the 400th time you've relapsed after making another firm commitment to quit. Like when are we just going to man up and destroy this altogether. I read just recently that you've got to want this more than you want to eat and sleep. Like all success, it makes sense.

    So let me start with just being pissed so I can start a fresh reboot.

    Damn. Damn it again. Why the hell am I such a bitch. Just do it man. Always fail. Everything repeats itself. Why can't you just do one more reboot. Why can't you just get passed the day. Get passed the day dude. One day at a time. Whatever happened to that. Whatever happened to journaling every day. Whatever happened to believing in yourself. Whatever happened to that optimistic kid who just wanted a girlfriend?

    Dude where the fuck have you been? Think you're too important for this shit? You can't even get passed a fucking week and you think you don't need the forums. Fucking take care of yourself man. You're going to die sooner than you think and it's going to be full of regret if you don't change NOW. Stop with the bullshit.

    Where is the drive? Where in the world is your fight?

    Maybe you don't want it, but I know you do. Don't cry. Stop. Be a man, a warrior. Commit and change. Force of will. BECOME.



    Day 1 let's do this. 90 days and beyond.
  5. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Do it, man. You have it in you.
  6. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.


    Day 2

    Show up & pay respect. Meditate on the day and your future. Meditate on your goals & where you want to be.
  7. Lifeisbeautiful

    Lifeisbeautiful Active Member

    That post really shook me. Well I can relate to you about the mindset of not needing this forum anymore and still relapsing badly. Well this is what is called as giving up but we are too afraid to admit it. I needed that reminder. Thanks a lot.
  8. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    I've given up so many times, but I've been too afraid to say it. I've been too afraid and ashamed of it. When all you do is relapse sometimes you give in to the thought that you won't make it, but you have to snap out of it and wake up. I literally look like a failure here on the forums, but I want to be a success for myself first and then for others. I feel ashamed that I am still stuck in the same cycle after all these years. I don't want to keep going like this. I've tried a lot of things trying to quit and I have really good memories of the times where I was successful. I know it's possible, it's just I've become more negative as time has gone by. It's our outlet, but fuck that. We've got to face our problems and not run from them or try to cover them up. We have to rise to the challenge every day. If we messed up, lets dust ourselves off and fight even harder to get back to where we want to be.

    Ever since my bout with cancer I really do feel that time is limited and that we should really struggle and try to overcome things like this in our lives. I think if I died never having know what it feels like to be a year clean, or even 5 years of my life clean, I would die with regret.
  9. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Ok checking in. Resetting my counters. I'm going to get this. Getting back into the habit of coming here and making a solid effort. It rages pretty hard when you make a determined effort to quit. I'm doing better though. It's good that I'm journaling. Today I peaked but came here to post and read some brief stuff on recovering.

    I think 90 days is a real bitch to be honest. I am gonna do 15 days.
    Then 30.

    I can do this. I see it in my head.
  10. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 1

    Not Giving Up

    Came here and realized I had forgotten about my 15 chunk goals. Good thing I dropped by, even if for a minute. 15 days seems easy enough. Just reading up on creativity, book called Big Magic by the woman who wrote Eat, Pray Love (never actually read that book) and in it she's talking about something called a $#!+ sandwich. Basically, you have to find the thing you love enough to eat the sandwich because everything in life has a $#!+ sandwich and if you really want something you'll eat the sandwich regardless. While it applies to the creative process, and in her case writing (as a writer and artist), it can also apply to the reboot. While I will be happy to be rejected from record labels (my sandwich) I will continue to make music and eat it. Somethings aren't worth it (and it's why people give up). What about the reboot?

    Yes, I think it's definitely worth it. I think relapse is not the sandwich, but can be part of it. I think the sandwich, is the withdrawal, the depression, the moodiness, hornieness, loneliness, sadness, hopelessness (of never having a girl, never recovering), temptation, triggers, boredom. Are we willing to eat it to become who we really want to be?
  11. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 2

    Clean. Day is done.

    I counted, 6 times, that my hand went into my pants today. It happened in the span, of like, 15 minutes, as if my hand had a mind of it's own. Habits are not easy to break, but it can be done. What price did I pay today to earn my day?

    I had to put forth conscious effort to take my hand out of my pants (I know this sounds absurd)
    I had to accept the fact that this is what it's going to take in order to get what I want.

    My explanation, here, is not perfect, but it doesn't matter. What matters, is I got through the compulsive actions and made the choice that I needed.

    Small goals. Today, was a victory. Little bigger goal not too far away.
  12. Lifeisbeautiful

    Lifeisbeautiful Active Member

    Good job, well done. Looks like my journey is in parallel to yours. Let's get our acts together and create a wonderful future for ourselves
  13. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    I second that.

    Day 3

    Day isn't done, but it isn't requiring much of me. Most of the day I did what I needed to do so now I'll get to my plans for the rest of the day.
  14. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Well Day 3 is officially done. Came here because I faced some difficulty later on, but to be expected. I think my hand went into my pants 7-10 times. It's such a compulsion. Finished what I set out to do and completed a personal project that I spent a lot of time on. Now I'm kind of celebrating, but it's pretty lack luster (just tired, but bored and don't want to go to bed). So I'm coming here to vent my boredom and potential insomnia here.

    Anyway... next day right around the corner.
  15. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 4

    Feeling the burning emptiness set in. Good thing I'm ready for it and I've accepted it's presence. Welcome friend! Take a seat and enjoy yourself, but don't get too cozy! We have strict rules here now so whatever you're looking for isn't happening today, or tomorrow!

    Will take a cold shower if need be.

    Worth a read if you need some motivation:

    I feel like I'll be back once or more times today to log my progress. Already 3 times this morning my hand went into my shorts to try something. I feel like I'm slapping a kid's hand that is reaching for a cookie in the cookie jar.
  16. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    More like one moment at a time. Like when I used to go to SA before I moved out of the US, they would say surrender one moment at a time.

    I'm back right now because I'm triggered. Going to take a cold shower. I'm going to hate it, but going to do it anyway as a way of shocking my system and snapping it out of autopilot.
  17. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Back again. Took that cold shower. It was a good experience. I think it calmed me down a bit. It sends you into this state of shock which felt like what I was already in to be honest. I don't know if that makes sense, but the withdrawal itself kind of shocks the system. When you take a cold shower it's almost like a mirror of reality in the form of a shower... idk wtf I'm saying.


    It's OK, every humans reflect on life during shower... Or enjoy some lonely delirium.
  19. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    thanks this is pretty funny

    Day 1

    I relapsed yesterday and I didn't want to come to the forums from shame. I feel like such a failure, over and over again. Going to keep going and try again. No PC after 8:00 PM?

    I want to read up on some of my older successful reboots.

    Also yesterday was pretty depressing. Found out through facebook that a female friend of mine who I once felt a little crush for is now married and she's going to MIT.

    Like, she's so happy. Sigh... my life is so bad compared to that. 27 and not married & haven't been able to even find a girlfriend.

    I know I'm complaining, but I want to get this out off my chest.
  20. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Shame is good.
    It means that you believe in something better.
    If you didn't believe, you wouldn't feel ashamed.

    It's difficult to stop if you keep things the same - it's not because there's something wrong with you.
    Your habits are there and they pull on you over, and over again.
    I've been having a tough time this month, because I moved back to a place where I have set habits.

    In Vietnam, loads of soldiers got hooked on heroin (20%).
    When they came back to the US only 5% of these soldiers continued using.
    That means 95% of them stopped using one of the hardest drugs in world.

    Why? Because they changed their environment. They didn't have their addiction habits ingrained.

    I'm not the greatest person to give advice (I'm having issues as well), but I hope you find this helpful.
    ace1234 and MarstonS like this.
  21. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Hey thanks for stopping by and taking the to write that. Yeah I guess shame can be good, but not when it prevents you from moving forward or actually owning up to your mistakes. Shame prevents me from coming here and posting another reset, so I just end up not caring and binging.

    True, environment is a huge factor. Smoked cigarettes for very brief period of my life, like half a year off, but I was able to drop it. It was nothing compared to this so I don't even know why I'm mentioning it other than to say yes, I was able to cut something out of my life even though I felt a slight dependency.

    Day 7

    Since I reset, but I've been M'ing every other day. I figure just stay away from P as much as possible. When I was staying just away from P I felt a lot better and wasted less time on P. I just got it over with and there was not much energy spent thinking about it.

    Right now, though, I'm here because of insomnia. I can't sleep. Eyes are very tired, but body will just not fall asleep. I don't want to M or anything either. I feel that now that I'm focusing more on my creative art I'm less motivated to keep yanking it, but at the same time it's such a compulsive habit that it's very easy to give in.
  22. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    My advice. Don't care too much about MO'ing, that's what I did in the past and it didn't work for me. When I'm about to relapse I force myself to MO first and decide later. It takes away the cravings and you can think clearly again. And if it comes back. Repeat. The first thing is to break those brain pathways to porn. You can always go back to reducing MO when abstainfrom from porn comes easier over time. Just my 2cent's though everybody should find what works for them

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