My Journey To Success

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by ace1234, Aug 2, 2012.

  1. Purity Power

    Purity Power Member

    It's OK, every humans reflect on life during shower... Or enjoy some lonely delirium.
  2. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    thanks this is pretty funny

    Day 1

    I relapsed yesterday and I didn't want to come to the forums from shame. I feel like such a failure, over and over again. Going to keep going and try again. No PC after 8:00 PM?

    I want to read up on some of my older successful reboots.

    Also yesterday was pretty depressing. Found out through facebook that a female friend of mine who I once felt a little crush for is now married and she's going to MIT.

    Like, she's so happy. Sigh... my life is so bad compared to that. 27 and not married & haven't been able to even find a girlfriend.

    I know I'm complaining, but I want to get this out off my chest.
  3. Catharsis

    Catharsis Active Member

    Shame is good.
    It means that you believe in something better.
    If you didn't believe, you wouldn't feel ashamed.

    It's difficult to stop if you keep things the same - it's not because there's something wrong with you.
    Your habits are there and they pull on you over, and over again.
    I've been having a tough time this month, because I moved back to a place where I have set habits.

    In Vietnam, loads of soldiers got hooked on heroin (20%).
    When they came back to the US only 5% of these soldiers continued using.
    That means 95% of them stopped using one of the hardest drugs in world.

    Why? Because they changed their environment. They didn't have their addiction habits ingrained.

    I'm not the greatest person to give advice (I'm having issues as well), but I hope you find this helpful.
    ace1234 and MarstonS like this.
  4. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Hey thanks for stopping by and taking the to write that. Yeah I guess shame can be good, but not when it prevents you from moving forward or actually owning up to your mistakes. Shame prevents me from coming here and posting another reset, so I just end up not caring and binging.

    True, environment is a huge factor. Smoked cigarettes for very brief period of my life, like half a year off, but I was able to drop it. It was nothing compared to this so I don't even know why I'm mentioning it other than to say yes, I was able to cut something out of my life even though I felt a slight dependency.

    Day 7

    Since I reset, but I've been M'ing every other day. I figure just stay away from P as much as possible. When I was staying just away from P I felt a lot better and wasted less time on P. I just got it over with and there was not much energy spent thinking about it.

    Right now, though, I'm here because of insomnia. I can't sleep. Eyes are very tired, but body will just not fall asleep. I don't want to M or anything either. I feel that now that I'm focusing more on my creative art I'm less motivated to keep yanking it, but at the same time it's such a compulsive habit that it's very easy to give in.
  5. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    My advice. Don't care too much about MO'ing, that's what I did in the past and it didn't work for me. When I'm about to relapse I force myself to MO first and decide later. It takes away the cravings and you can think clearly again. And if it comes back. Repeat. The first thing is to break those brain pathways to porn. You can always go back to reducing MO when abstainfrom from porn comes easier over time. Just my 2cent's though everybody should find what works for them
  6. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    I think there is something to this. I feel much better if I just MO and not watch P. When I watch P it's never enough, but MO in 5 min and it's over with. I even get morning wood if I just keep up with an MO.
  7. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.


    Hard time coming back here. I am really depressed at the moment. I think I have a case of permanent tinnitus now. It just won't go away. I am having a very hard time dealing with it.

    Watched P for about 3-5 min, but closed tabs and ended it so resetting counters. I M'd without porn just to get it out of the system. Been M'ing about every day now, which is too much IMO.
  8. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 2

    Getting morning erections which are good. They are a bit weak, but I consider it minor progress. Today I'm really pushing for an M and P free day.
  9. Catharsis

    Catharsis Active Member

    You can do this.
  10. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    What I did this last streak is MO when necessary. The first 2 weeks it was alot. Then when I got past this initial though 2 weeks I could go for 1-several weeks without needing it. Then I had some moments where MO was the only thing that saved me from not relapsing. So I don't MO every day like it's routine. Just when the urge get's so difficult that I'm in front of my pc, about to type in the name of the website I say this to myself " first MO, if you still want it afterwards then go ahead, but first cum through MO!" I do, feel better. Like it's not worth PMO'ing anymore anyways. One time the urge even came back after 20 min but I just did the same thing and then It was definitely not worth it anymore.

    I haven't had the need to MO for a few weeks now but even if I would MO everyday for over a year or 2 without porn I'm sure I would make major progres. Because with porn I can edge for hours. With MO it's just 5 min which is so much more natural and much more healthy for your dick and mind. I think that's obvious. The friends I know who watch porn, just use it for cumming the once. Not searching the web for better and better videos edging. They just use it as a tool to cum more easily and better and then go on with their day. That's not how I have used it at all, I keep going untill I'm completely drained. Maybe that's what makes me an addict.

    We all have to find our own way but I think a general advice that is true for anybody is: have an image of the man you want to be and then get to work to be that man. Porn will fuck up your progress to become that man because it's such a waste of time and it drains your energy for working to achieve those goals. Just like any other addiction.

    I don't want to sound like I got it all figured out because I definitely don't but I thought you might think the same way and giving you my view on the matter could be useful in some way.

    Good luck!
  11. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Rest everything because I felt like I needed to. So I'm reading Cupid's Poison Arrow by Marnia Robinson. Very, very intriguing and I can't really believe that I've missed this book after being on Gary's website. I'm really rethinking relationships right now and have a new sense of optimism in that area because of that book. I also feel more motivated to actually quit porn. I know I say this so much coming back here saying that I'm done, but I mean like for good, like the way we've always meant it, but just don't do it.

    So I have to go through these 2 week withdrawals. I've tried to do this a few times, but I am just so damn bored and empty all the time. I hate these withdrawals, but I have to go through them for a better life. Damn it.... bit price to pay, but need to do it or I will never be fully satisfied with my life.
  12. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Going to do my best to get through the day stimulation free.
  13. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Honestly, I screwed up again, but it's ok. I will get back on the horse, whatever that means. Pretty hungry right now, but I am physically fasting. It feels good actually. Going to really do my best to focus on doing what I love and occupying myself with music. I think that is a positive focus.

    I can willpower my way through the reboot. I don't think you can just sit by idly hoping to make it through the day. I feel good enough coming here to make a post, even though I peaked and edged today. I feel so hopeless at times, but looking ahead into the future I can see my success, even though there is pressure attached to it.

    I mostly just see opportunity to do good which keeps my depression at bay.
  14. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    7 days no O

    After reading Marnia's book I am abstaining from orgasm now. Staying away from P is just as hard and I've been edging nearly every day this week. I know I can do this. I'm like the dog that wants to jump out of that kennel, but has stopped trying to jump over that fence. I've been trained that if I try I will get hurt, and fail, so I've stopped even though that jump is perfectly reachable.

    I am like that donkey tied to a plastic chair.

    I can do this. I want to do this.

    Again, when I was younger (about 10) I would look at fat people and always think that it was just so easy to become fit and healthy. All you do is get up and exercise, eat healthy.

    Easy. And it is that easy. Always has been that easy. It's just that people don't ignore all that shit that's in their head. They listen to it, get confused, when they should just focus on what gets them results.

    What gets me results in nofap??

    Stop jacking off. Stop looking at porn. Stop touching your dick. Walk away when tempted, or triggered by your PC.

    No need for anxiety. No need for fear.


    Remember the fat people. You're fat too... just in a different way.

    I would always despise (harsh word) fat people for this, but I can sympathize with them. Now that I have something I need to change, and can, and have a better life, I need to just do.
  15. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    I just read my last 140 day reboot. Good times. I know what I did wrong.

    Time to break some records.
  16. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    This is Day 2 No P

    Very, very depressed. I feel like I don't want to continue living. I'm in debt, very few finances. No job, don't want one, even though I need one and it will help me. Motivation very low. Procrastinating on everything.

    Need to change this and be more positive with my outlook for the future.
  17. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 3

    Had a girl I knew come visit. She's so so on the attractive scale, not the hottest girl for sure, but I like her. I tried having sex with her, could not get it up. I just ended up talking to her about porn and random stuff. She was really cool, but that's just kind of her personality I guess.

    I don't know why I keep torturing myself.
  18. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.


    Feeling very meh, but satisfied that I'm already on #4. Day was melancholy for me. Have hard time getting to sleep so stay up late. Usually waking up early cures that.
  19. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 5

    Always resisting my own potential.
  20. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 6

    Outside is a raging storm. Lots of rain. Looks really cool. Inside, inside me, feels pretty dead.

    Focusing on just not watching porn and letting myself recover. Whatever comes I will get through it.

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