My Journey To Success

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by ace1234, Aug 2, 2012.

  1. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 33 No P

    It's been about a month since I've watched porn and I am feeling pretty good. I've saved lots of time that I would have otherwise just wasted watching porn. I M every once in a while (about once a week/5 days). It's much easier than quitting everything. I haven't really done this before because Im an all or nothing kind of guy, but it seems to be working.

    Positive things are:
    Less time browsing the internet for porn (just spend 5-10 min and get the job done)
    More exciting than actual porn (I think EMDR helped with this and broke the link for me)
    I feel an adrenaline rush just M'ing (something that used to go along with porn after not watching for while)
    I kind of feel my old self coming back (I remember what it was like in my teens/that excitement and starting to feel some of it again)
    Real women sound very enticing (I feel like I have a lot of courage to approach and talk to girls)
    My eyes don't hurt from watching porn for many hours into night (nor am I as tired)
    Having an O feels really, really good (way better than after edging for hours to P and then finally finding a crappy scene to O to)
    I seem to use less seminal fluid after orgasm and the sperm look healthier

    I feel like I could land sex a lot easier now than before as well. I just feel more excitement in general for the opposite sex. Definitely done with porn now. If I get horny or something I just go and M and get it out there. I'm allowing myself this as an experiment. I figure if I had a wife I would have sex as much as I could and there would be nothing wrong with an orgasm. I am by myself, but what is the difference?

    So staying away from porn has become a lot easier. Overall I feel better too. I would say that it's not intense as abstaining from everything, but it's way more tolerable. Benefits are pretty much the same, but they are not as intense is all.

    I will continue this experiment well throughout the year.
  2. Nice man!!! Porn is the devil
  3. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Hey guys & everyone. I'm coming back to the forums after about a 6 month hiatus. Made some decent progress staying away from porn. Think I had a good 60-80 days without porn. I allowed myself to masturbate and get it over with. I usually spent 5 min on the job and just went on with my life. It was much easier to stay away from porn. Recently got into some soft core stuff which I regret, but was able to stop and just finish the job. I was mostly focusing on not prolonging edging.

    To be honest the orgasms have been amazing. They are way better than on porn. Sperm looks healthier too.

    I know now why I watch porn. It isn't really the orgasm or even the release at the end. It's almost my way of filling that need for intimacy with another human being in my life. That's really it. I mean if the orgasms are better off porn then why do I still crave and want it?

    It's simply because I feel empty and dissatisfied with my life and porn somehow makes me feel like it isn't all that bad.

    Many many times I wanted to go without orgasm, but just couldnt do it. I would crave porn so I would allow the masturbation. I felt better and was more focused when I did. I wasn't as sharp as if I wasn't masturbating at all, but I didn't feel the negative effects of porn & I didn't waste hours of hours binge watching.

    If you can just masturbate as an experiment without porn. It's been about 6 years on this NO PMO journey for me and this is the first time I've allowed myself this. It's a huge difference. Right now I want to get to 30 days no porn or orgasm. So it's why I'm back because the forum helps a lot.
  4. Lifeisbeautiful

    Lifeisbeautiful Active Member

    Masturbating without porn is completely natural and hardly has any bad effects ( unless, of course, overdone). Why it's advised for porn addicts to abstain from masturbation is because our brains have made some strong connections between P and M. So it kind of reinforces those same connections. But then if you are comfortable with M alone and do not feel the urges to watch P later, it's may be fine for you to M.
  5. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 1

    Going to start journaling again. Mostly, staying away from P really helps. When I M I usually feel better than if I had M'd with P. I can get on with my life quicker and with less side effects. P drains me of energy.

    My eyes feel tired. My body starts to hurt. I don't want to do anything. It's like that Lord of the Rings image with the possessed king. It's so funny because it's true. That guy looks how I feel after I watch P. P never satisfies either, but one M that took 5 min can satisfy and put an end to all that craving.

    I have to get comfortable with accepting that. It's better than trying to abstain from everything. My plan is this to go 1 month no P then M and allow it if I need it. Otherwise I am going to keep going.

    I remember focusing on the rewards is what will help me get there.

    I want/will receive:

    • clear mind/sharper thought
    • raw sexual tension
    • less irritable/ less prone to provocation
    • general higher happiness
    • optimism
    • natural charisma
    • more vivid memories/dreams
    • higher motivation
    I'm glad I wrote these down. I wanted to do it on paper, but whatever. I feel good now because it's almost as if I hit those 90 again. I can feel that same state I've been in before. The key is visualization. Law of attraction. I think we fail because we are so worried about a relapse we bring it about ourselves. So the key is to think about the positives & the benefits. It's our reason and WHY we are choosing not to watch P, to not procrastinate, to not masturbate, to close that tab, & to walk away.

    I've been on this journey very long (7 or more so years that I'm aware) and I've just wasted too much time. I've felt what's like, but I got scared and self sabotaged
  6. Lifeisbeautiful

    Lifeisbeautiful Active Member

    Never give up!
    ace1234 likes this.
  7. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    i've been on this journey as long as you mate, and we will achieve it..we will reach who we want to be..We have to go to the root cause and attack it, and we cannot let boredom and curiosity overtake us...
    I've made a grave mistake, and if I can come out of it alive, I will change my life and go back to being the man that I always wanted to be

    So ask yourself, what kind of person do you want to be? What kind of person do you admire? Push to become that person
    I'll be on this journey with you brother
    Let's do it
    ace1234 likes this.
  8. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Went 17 days no problem. I was out hiking in the mountains and hiked 10,000 feet. It was a great experience. All the while I was keeping in mind returning and preserving my state, but alas when I got back one of the first things I did was watch P.

    On to a new start. I need to focus more on meditating "the urge to watch" out.

    Also thanks for the post Cham.
  9. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 1

    Complaining on your journal. Is it worth it? Probably....

    Why? I think it allows you to express your frustration with relapse and allows you to get on with your life in a good way. Instead of always trying to be positive and happy and carefree, like "Oh, I relapsed, no big deal... I'll do it someday" how bout we just cut it out and get a little upset. There is nothing wrong with being dissatisfied and displeased with yourself because for the 400th time you've relapsed after making another firm commitment to quit. Like when are we just going to man up and destroy this altogether. I read just recently that you've got to want this more than you want to eat and sleep. Like all success, it makes sense.

    So let me start with just being pissed so I can start a fresh reboot.

    Damn. Damn it again. Why the hell am I such a bitch. Just do it man. Always fail. Everything repeats itself. Why can't you just do one more reboot. Why can't you just get passed the day. Get passed the day dude. One day at a time. Whatever happened to that. Whatever happened to journaling every day. Whatever happened to believing in yourself. Whatever happened to that optimistic kid who just wanted a girlfriend?

    Dude where the fuck have you been? Think you're too important for this shit? You can't even get passed a fucking week and you think you don't need the forums. Fucking take care of yourself man. You're going to die sooner than you think and it's going to be full of regret if you don't change NOW. Stop with the bullshit.

    Where is the drive? Where in the world is your fight?

    Maybe you don't want it, but I know you do. Don't cry. Stop. Be a man, a warrior. Commit and change. Force of will. BECOME.



    Day 1 let's do this. 90 days and beyond.
  10. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Do it, man. You have it in you.
  11. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.


    Day 2

    Show up & pay respect. Meditate on the day and your future. Meditate on your goals & where you want to be.
  12. Lifeisbeautiful

    Lifeisbeautiful Active Member

    That post really shook me. Well I can relate to you about the mindset of not needing this forum anymore and still relapsing badly. Well this is what is called as giving up but we are too afraid to admit it. I needed that reminder. Thanks a lot.
  13. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    I've given up so many times, but I've been too afraid to say it. I've been too afraid and ashamed of it. When all you do is relapse sometimes you give in to the thought that you won't make it, but you have to snap out of it and wake up. I literally look like a failure here on the forums, but I want to be a success for myself first and then for others. I feel ashamed that I am still stuck in the same cycle after all these years. I don't want to keep going like this. I've tried a lot of things trying to quit and I have really good memories of the times where I was successful. I know it's possible, it's just I've become more negative as time has gone by. It's our outlet, but fuck that. We've got to face our problems and not run from them or try to cover them up. We have to rise to the challenge every day. If we messed up, lets dust ourselves off and fight even harder to get back to where we want to be.

    Ever since my bout with cancer I really do feel that time is limited and that we should really struggle and try to overcome things like this in our lives. I think if I died never having know what it feels like to be a year clean, or even 5 years of my life clean, I would die with regret.
  14. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Ok checking in. Resetting my counters. I'm going to get this. Getting back into the habit of coming here and making a solid effort. It rages pretty hard when you make a determined effort to quit. I'm doing better though. It's good that I'm journaling. Today I peaked but came here to post and read some brief stuff on recovering.

    I think 90 days is a real bitch to be honest. I am gonna do 15 days.
    Then 30.

    I can do this. I see it in my head.
  15. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 1

    Not Giving Up

    Came here and realized I had forgotten about my 15 chunk goals. Good thing I dropped by, even if for a minute. 15 days seems easy enough. Just reading up on creativity, book called Big Magic by the woman who wrote Eat, Pray Love (never actually read that book) and in it she's talking about something called a $#!+ sandwich. Basically, you have to find the thing you love enough to eat the sandwich because everything in life has a $#!+ sandwich and if you really want something you'll eat the sandwich regardless. While it applies to the creative process, and in her case writing (as a writer and artist), it can also apply to the reboot. While I will be happy to be rejected from record labels (my sandwich) I will continue to make music and eat it. Somethings aren't worth it (and it's why people give up). What about the reboot?

    Yes, I think it's definitely worth it. I think relapse is not the sandwich, but can be part of it. I think the sandwich, is the withdrawal, the depression, the moodiness, hornieness, loneliness, sadness, hopelessness (of never having a girl, never recovering), temptation, triggers, boredom. Are we willing to eat it to become who we really want to be?
  16. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 2

    Clean. Day is done.

    I counted, 6 times, that my hand went into my pants today. It happened in the span, of like, 15 minutes, as if my hand had a mind of it's own. Habits are not easy to break, but it can be done. What price did I pay today to earn my day?

    I had to put forth conscious effort to take my hand out of my pants (I know this sounds absurd)
    I had to accept the fact that this is what it's going to take in order to get what I want.

    My explanation, here, is not perfect, but it doesn't matter. What matters, is I got through the compulsive actions and made the choice that I needed.

    Small goals. Today, was a victory. Little bigger goal not too far away.
  17. Lifeisbeautiful

    Lifeisbeautiful Active Member

    Good job, well done. Looks like my journey is in parallel to yours. Let's get our acts together and create a wonderful future for ourselves
  18. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    I second that.

    Day 3

    Day isn't done, but it isn't requiring much of me. Most of the day I did what I needed to do so now I'll get to my plans for the rest of the day.
  19. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Well Day 3 is officially done. Came here because I faced some difficulty later on, but to be expected. I think my hand went into my pants 7-10 times. It's such a compulsion. Finished what I set out to do and completed a personal project that I spent a lot of time on. Now I'm kind of celebrating, but it's pretty lack luster (just tired, but bored and don't want to go to bed). So I'm coming here to vent my boredom and potential insomnia here.

    Anyway... next day right around the corner.
  20. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Day 4

    Feeling the burning emptiness set in. Good thing I'm ready for it and I've accepted it's presence. Welcome friend! Take a seat and enjoy yourself, but don't get too cozy! We have strict rules here now so whatever you're looking for isn't happening today, or tomorrow!

    Will take a cold shower if need be.

    Worth a read if you need some motivation:

    I feel like I'll be back once or more times today to log my progress. Already 3 times this morning my hand went into my shorts to try something. I feel like I'm slapping a kid's hand that is reaching for a cookie in the cookie jar.
  21. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    More like one moment at a time. Like when I used to go to SA before I moved out of the US, they would say surrender one moment at a time.

    I'm back right now because I'm triggered. Going to take a cold shower. I'm going to hate it, but going to do it anyway as a way of shocking my system and snapping it out of autopilot.
  22. ace1234

    ace1234 A woman simply is, but a man must become.

    Back again. Took that cold shower. It was a good experience. I think it calmed me down a bit. It sends you into this state of shock which felt like what I was already in to be honest. I don't know if that makes sense, but the withdrawal itself kind of shocks the system. When you take a cold shower it's almost like a mirror of reality in the form of a shower... idk wtf I'm saying.

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