My journey and major setback

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by springtocome, Dec 25, 2017.

  1. springtocome

    springtocome Member

    lately have been using porn again, havent had a streak longer than a week a few times this year. I am addicted, i use it to deal with my emotions.
    What amazes me is that ive completely changed my focus apart from rebooting to living. And this year living is pretty damn super hard. What amazes me, ive been more busy than ever. I have a serious relationship, with pretty good sex life... i need a support, this year has given me more stress/exhaustion than ever...i ve been lately hitting ground pretty hard. Ive lost my motivation to accomplish my goals.. have no clear vision of my life anymore... although i do my dream (make a living by playing music), i happened to enroll in high class uni... but it seems like im going nowhere... need some deep inspiration.. dont know about My previously set goals. Seems like im living for others more than i do for myself. Do i have what it takes to really succeed? Am i strong enough. Cant seem cross the emotional barriers. losing a bit of a soul. Am i giving up? Do i let my emotions hold me back from truly living the life ? i do not want to spend my life in mediocrity
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2017
  2. springtocome

    springtocome Member

    relapsed 2 times.

    gotta get stronger
  3. springtocome

    springtocome Member

    Hey thanks for the reply, amazing.

    thing is ive learned basically everything about p addiction,
    im more mindful about what is causing the urges like (not enough sleep, alco, stress etc)
    thing is im living in quite stressful environment, i had a traumatic event couple of years ive been quite sleep deprivited for like a year now, and the school, relationships with gf, my job (playing gigs) takes a lot lot from me, im stressed, havent rested for a while, im always on the run, have to somehow find time for all the things, that is basically the reason to everything,

    i seem stuck in my place where i live, cause renting is pretty expensive (altough i can afford it, there is no such thing as economical stability if you are a full time musician in europe. i have to save up some of it, so im in quite shaky period of life..i want to improve my skills in music so i enrolled in best music school in country, but it takes hell of a time to practice + i play atlest 2 evenenings per week, and the next day im quite tired and unmotivated to study..+ i have to dedicate some time for my gf ..and here are ups and downs aswell
  4. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Hey man, you've got a lot on your plate.

    First I want to say congratulations to you for so many blessings in your life. You live in Europe, which is a goal for many people all over the world, including a lot of people here in the US. You're gifted in music and able to go to a top university. I'm guessing you might speak more than one language. You are in a relationship (presumably, a good thing?) And you have read a lot about PMO addiction and have a good grasp on the triggers for that in your life. Thinking about what is going right can be a great antidote to feelings of despair.

    I don't have answers to all the different issues you've mentioned, but I can tell you that it's totally normal for a university student to feel overwhelmed, despondent, overworked, directionless, and uncertain. It's a crazy time, you're still figuring things out. Be patient with yourself. Be content to let life be a little chaotic, be content to live with question marks about the future. You have so many tremendous advantages, so many potential doors open to you, you're going to end up fine. And it's ok to try a variety of different career paths in your life until you settle on what you like best.

    You might be able to rearrange your life a bit to relieve some stress. Drop some unnecessary responsibilities and commitments and get a more manageable schedule. Try to keep as regular a sleep schedule as you can, and get in some exercise, even just going for a walk every day for 30 min. or so. Make sure to have some fun social time or time to yourself, whatever makes you feel refreshed and re-energized.

    There's kind of a stereotype that I hope isn't offensive, but maybe you can tell me if this is true. In your experience, are musicians kind of moody, experiencing a lot of emotional highs and lows? The reason I ask this is that I wonder if some of what you are suffering, mentally, is the side effect of being a highly gifted musician. Perhaps to be good at your music, you have to be the kind of person who feels things deeply and responds to the world at an emotional level. So if this is true, you don't want to change this about yourself, but you just need to remember that your low times will be followed later by higher feeling times, like the cycles of ocean tides. Just feel what you feel and try not to make a bunch of unhealthy decisions at times when you feel temporarily low.

    Best wishes to you, friend. I think you're a pretty amazing dude and you're going to be ok.

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