My Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by MitchConners, Jan 17, 2014.

  1. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    I don’t have an interest in porn but I am out of Ritalin and I am crashing bad. I just go back to sleep, I can do any chores, cook or anything. I don’t think this is PMO related. I think it is serious withdrawal symptoms from the stimulant. I’m like dying. I did stop PMO and felt better before but I am rock bottom right now.
     
  2. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    OK so I got on some new medicine that definitely energized me. Obviously makes me a bit more positive and busy. However if I am not depressed and fall of energy I may have a tendency to FAP from the stress. I have been fairly good I mean I didn’t look at anything except one picture yesterday. I want to the pharmacy and this cute girl noticed something about me and maybe I have been blind to all the pussy I could have I want to the pharmacy and this cute girl noticed something about me and maybe I have been blind to all the pussy I could have had. Let’s hope for the best and a good Christmas
     
  3. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    Hey I got up today was productive which is new for me. And fortunately our family has bro fortunately our family has broke and I have not worked in years. I have never dealt with the fact that I didn’t go to college with excitement in youth and a brain tumor surgery taking care of kids surgery again chemotherapy radiation kind of steered me to a place I never dreamed of being.
     
  4. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    Feeling better after getting my uppers. I am kind of horny but 1) my wife is grotesque 2) she is always sick, tired, won’t go along anyways. Fuck, she tried a nice fancy dress on today and she looked like a cow. I’m getting itchy.
     
  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Addicts tend to see the ugly in life, thinking if only things were different "I would be happy, healthy, wise, have more money, etc." If you're horny, try reaching out to your wife, anyway. For the first few months of recovery I felt like I was fucking with my sister. :eek: P addicts are used to looking at the super fine of fine on the internet and our spouses can't match up with that; it's not reality. Put your days in, just like you're doing, and it gets better. Also, is there some reason you can't get a part time job, something that will take you out of the house?
     
    Libertad likes this.
  6. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    Ugh, I was wired last night. I have been thinking about a few woman and hopes I could get laid when my wife came back home. She was in a good mood but just said Goodnight as if that meant she was closed for business. 1,2,3 am and I can sleep I google a few words and am frustrated I am wide awake that I use pmo. Fucking your sister? Yeah, I suppose. We are kind of roommates. Oh, and I don’t like her doesn’t help.
     
  7. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    I was bursting and ai just fucked my wife. I did falter not even 24 hours ago but I performed well and it was great. I used my fingers on her so it wasn’t just one way. IF she can satisfy me daily I will be good.
     
    Saville likes this.
  8. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    Been doing better. My wife has been compliant and I have expressed that she is way way better than doing it alone. Yesterday I was stressed and needed it. We got mixed signals and I ended up doing it alone. It really wasn’t anything great. I had a hard time with myself.
     
  9. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Uppers?
     
  10. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    Uppers as in Ritalin and another longer acting med. I faltered New Year’s Eve. It was like what am I holding out for. I have nothing going on. I am Catholic and find at every turn I should turn away from living in sin. I need a reminder that my life will be great if I ditch PMO forever.
     
  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Ever read any of Richard Rohr's writing? He's a Franciscan monk.
     
  12. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    My parents were fanatics about him. I have not though.
     
  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    He addresses sin in a unique way. I think you can find him on youtube. I think he might give you the reminder of why PMO is useless, because there are so many other things that lift us up. :)
     
  14. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    I just saw 1 video on YouTube and let me try to use my language here. He says we all have inherent sin. It is our sins or our defects that we are not happy with that can lead us to misery that is a sort of rudder. The rudder is our spirit which is good trying to connect with the Holy Spirit which is good. That is what I got out of one quick video. My parents had tapes of him in the late 70’s and he looked a lot different back then.
     
  15. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    What I get from him is that we engage ourselves in the world and from this engagement comes a clearer mind, one that allows us to contemplate on the bigger questions. When I gave up PMO, after a time, it became clear to me that action was at the heart of healing. In other words, we don't think ourselves out of a problem. Staying off of P, engaging with my wife more, taking care of the many mundane tasks around the house, are all actions. Actions, as we are told, speak louder than words, but they also speak volumes more than thought. When I came across Richard Rohr, just a few weeks ago, I realized that I had come to the same conclusion as him, namely, that action has to come before anything else. Just thinking about stuff is an empty exercise. So, for me I've found Rohr to be validating. If I had read his words before giving up P, however, I would not have understood what he was getting at.

    13 days, bro'. Looking good!
     

Share This Page