My Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by MitchConners, Jan 17, 2014.

  1. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    Tired today, I was on yesterday. Did it once as a stress reduction. I am sleepy, I drank last night. That has to have something to do with it. My wife stresses me out. I know I often get mad at her and that leads me to doing it. Like, screw you, I'm doing this by myself. Really running on low today. It's still early, maybe I will get my second wind. I was doing well and this week I fell apart. I could use a nap if my wife would fucking leave me alone.
     
  2. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    So I'm 42 and I am tired. I just happened to see a video that says motivation is lost. Well, I have no motivation and lack self confidence.
     
  3. Wow, some super sound advice here, all the points are all solid but enlightening, definitely.

    Mitch, stop feeding into that vicious cycle as Imout captured it. You don't fight fire with fire. Motivation isn't lost, its renewed so keep committed that'll bring it back. Know the truth that no matter how much you pmo it keeps you rooted to that life you loathe, so don't buy into it. Don't go back to it, hold out and you'll grow. The height of the urges, is when the most change is happening inside, channel it!
     
  4. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    I have been doing good for a week or so. Not even a peek. May haves ex with wife soon. At church the priest said that the Israelites were paid WELL to build the
    Pyramids. Eventually it turned into slavery. A good deal turned into a nightmare. He likened this to addiction. Something that is so beautiful becomes something you are addicted to and a slave to.
     
  5. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    Half day for the kids and then they get out for the summer. I am experiencing some sadness today and an urge but I refused. There is an emptiness inside me that I am not comfortable with. What I want is to be able to get through the summer with my head on straight. I am a bit scared right now.
     
  6. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    I watched part of a video on YBOP. Scary shit. Makes sense though. I may be an addict to 2 things though. The future can be bright for me when I get free of this.
     
  7. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Good the see you back. Peeks add up, at first it feels like nothing and then...well, you know the rest.
     
  8. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    This morning I looked at Stumbleupon and was directed to a site that said why stay the hell away from porn. It was very reassuring. If my memory serves me right it talked about how guys that get all the ladies are not spending time on the internet. Now I am married and I hate to say it but porn may have made me settle big time. It also hampered my sex life I am sure along with confidence etc. The kids are off for the summer today so I will, well, lets just say history says I will be challenged as I stay at home. I need to reread the inspiration so I can be busy and not fall in the same old trap. I also read or saw part of a video (I have to be private) on how internet porn is a drug. It will seriously fuck a young kid up if he begins early. My son has good relationships with girls at 12 so he is better than I was. Hopefully he will not have the void to be filled.
     
  9. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    Knock on wood but I feel good. I have been good and brought my wife to orgasm last night since she had a bad headache. I could have fucked but I was ok. I am not even peeking because that is Pandora's box with me. Thanks God, I am ready for a change! One thing I just noticed if I do take Ritalin I can get real uptight and want that release. Uppers and then I want a downer.
     
  10. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    Okay so the wife gave me 20 minutes for a quickie. I am not sure if I wanted it that bad. I glanced at some pictures on my phone before I went up. I got hard but soon after he got soft. Once I see a hint of the doubt on her face it all goes downhill. She said maybe you should just go jack off in the shower maybe out of anger. On being out to her I did. It was very quick and I did not surf the web for more than one minute. I gave her an orgasm by fingering her last night. I had a heart on but was not interested in sex really. I drink and she would know that I jacked off if she did not have a bunch of come in her pussy. She mentioned taking Viagra or something. I am not ready for that I will just continue to stay away from any stimulation and give it a Nother shot. She said this has happened before. Now it has I think but she is over 300 pounds. I have that none of you guys have a wife who was 320 pounds. I am a big guy at 270.
     
  11. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    Kind of bored today The wife is working from home and we have maybe six kids over here playing. I can't go back to my old ways. The more I learn the more damage I realize I have done to myself my relationships and my life. I am not saying I would have been seeking all of General Motors but who knows.
     
  12. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    What if your wife is real ball buster and overweight? I mean I am only husband here.
     
  13. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    I took the kids with me to the gym today. I am a stay-at-home dad and have been for a long time. They actually did not give me much trouble. I have to say that I am lonely. I have one close friend I talk to once in a while. The wife can often be authoritative and loud. They say Shut runs downhill and I get it from her.
     
  14. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    Some serious hotties at the gym. I try to focus but it's not fair
     
  15. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Staring too much is dangerous during a reboot, try to focus, Daniel son.
     
  16. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    Yes, now that I have been off that cycle for a while I do not feel that horny. Sometimes I get a distant whisper in my ear. As a priest told me in Confession, cut the thoughts off in the pregnancy stage.
     
  17. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    I'm in a bad place right now. I am tired and pissed off. I am in a bad mood and am sick of my wife anyways. I may last year day but I am getting angry.
     
  18. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    I almost just gave in when I was in the shower. I did not look at anything I just used my imagination. It was not going so well and I gave up. I really made a half hearted attempt. If I wAnted it I know what to do. I need to harness my anger and frustration. I am a stay at home dad that sucks at his job and a wife I am kind of not attracted to. I don't even have time to crap with kids at home.
     
  19. MitchConners

    MitchConners Member

    I feel a bit calmer today. Frustration and anger are going to do me in. I must be missing something in life. I know I am lonely although I am married. I do not have any friends that I can talk to.
     
  20. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Keep clean and you'll be much more relaxed and social and you can go out and easily connect with other people. :)
     

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