My Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Aussie, Jan 16, 2014.

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  1. Davey

    Davey New Member

    What is the title of the book? Looks like it's worth reading.
     
  2. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Beginners-Meditation-Mindfulness-Psychology-ebook/dp/B00PWUBSEK/ref=sr_1_4?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1424703390&sr=1-4&keywords=zen
     
  3. Rengaw

    Rengaw Will log on every other week from 13/10/2016

    Very interesting material you got there UD. It is painfully recognizable, this is very applicable to my own situation.
    All I can add to this discussion is - it all starts with a single step, while Ozzie is looking for the quantum leap. There's no such thing as a quantum leap when you're an addict, there's no such thing when you are a 'normal' person. Life is a grind, take it or leave it.
    You can make it either positive or negative.

    To relate to Zenmate - existentialism, or a lack thereof, is one of the biggest factors involved in PMO.. A lack of meaning is increased boredom. A life of meaning usually entails no boredom..

    Any thanks for the great disucssion, I hope that Ozzie will once find his willpower back to stop fapping..


    Rw.
     
  4. Dark_Knight

    Dark_Knight Guest

    Hey guys,

    Been a while since my last post.

    You all have made some good points,and for the most part everything you all said is correct.

    The last time i felt somewhat half decent was the week i got my job,about 5 weeks ago.The reason for this was simple - i was working out daily,eating healthily - and cutting back my porn session length and the regularity of use.Most importantly i wasn't getting stuck in my negative mindsets after relapses,or i wasn't letting them effect how my day went.Even if all i did was relapse,and then work out - that had a huge positive impact.

    I'm aiming for a long reboot,for complete abstinence for however long i need - however if i relapse,i will not let it effect me.

    My biggest enemy is doing nothing,relapsing and just literally doing nothing for weeks on end - it leads to deep depression and shit.

    I'm not going to go into lengthy details about things anymore - the answer is simple,change my life - reduce and ultimately stop addictive behaviours - and eventually things will work out for me.

    My goal for the next few weeks is basic - work out,eat healthy,apply for jobs - and reduce or not use porn at all.

    Appreciate the support guys,thanks - Aussie/DK.
     
  5. Dark_Knight

    Dark_Knight Guest

    Thanks dude,

    At the very least if i keep consistent with exercise,lessening or stopping PMO,and looking for work/working - my life will improve.

    Feeling extremely fatigued today,im just so damn tired and lethargic - i hate feeling like this.

    I'll be working out at some stage today,i havent lifted weights for weeks.

    What im really sick of is suffering - it seems like all iv'e been doing is suffering the last 5+ years - i want some joy back,i want to feel alive again - happy again.

    Edit:

    Some thoughts i had last night,

    As some of you said,thinking or talking about the "facebook chick" is something i should refrain from.However what iv'e realised is,the reason i obviously think about her so much is because im fapping over her so much - and have been for years now.So it makes sense that iv'e literally wired my sexuality to her,my brain connects her pics + porn = pleasure.Make no mistake,this sint just thinking about her a few times a day - im obsessed with her,im thinking about her hourly at the least.It's horrible because i dont want to,this woman is not a part of my life anymore.

    Once i stop masturbating over her,and looking at her pics - i'll stop thinking about her,over time my brain will reboot and readjust and thats what i want!

    I came across a youtube video,in the comments a guy said "forget about women - if you want success with women/want women to find you attractive - improve yourself,go after what you want in life - and naturally women will come into your life.

    This is the approach im taking,because right now despite what any of you say,im not ready or mentally healthy enough for a relationship or to start dating.In fact,it would be unfair to bring another person into my bullshit.

    For me letting go of this "im a loser without a GF" thing will do me the world of good - after all,its a big issue with my self esteem.

    women want a well put together guy who knows what he wants in life - thats what i want to become for ME - no one else.

    Another thing - ive made my mind up entirely now,i know that quitting porn and improving my life in the ways that i'm going to be doing it - is the key to my success.

    If you dont agree with me,fine - ill ignore you,if you think porn doesn't effect me/you at all - fine,ill ignore you..I humbly ask that you respect me - thats all.

    Iv'e noticed that this isnt what ive been getting any of lately - respect.

    I post,then someone comes into MY journal telling me how wrong i am,how im wrong - and your right - fuck off,im done with it.

    If it continues ill close my account permanently and join the reddit. group.
     
  6. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    is dark knight = aussie guy? i'm confused
     
  7. Dark_Knight

    Dark_Knight Guest

    yeah my old username was Aussie.
     
  8. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    What are you going to do differently this time?

    I've read the exact speech many times before.
     
  9. Dark_Knight

    Dark_Knight Guest

    I understand,from you guys' point of view it is a case of "heard it all before" with me.

    The question i asked myself was this:

    What have i been doing wrong?

    In regards to abstaining from porn an orgasm (my biggest goal at the moment) i have not put enough effort into resisting urges.I cave way to easily - and it is all up to me when it comes to not using.This also intertwines the other aspect of what iv'e been doing wrong - being consistent with other lifestyle changes.It's all well and good to exercise 6 days a week for a few weeks - even after such a short period of time,i start feeling better.they key factor is to do the things i say im doing to do,consistently.I dont even know what the effects of 4 months consistent exercise would have on my mental health,because ive never been consistent for that long.the same goes for meditating and reading - hell i didn't even meditate for one week.

    My short term goals are still the same - abstain from porn MO and O - exercise read and meditative - get a job.

    This are the only things im going to be focusing on,but i have to be consistent

    now i dont mean if i relapse all hope is lost,or if i miss a few days of exercise - what i have to stop myself from doing is going into one of my 3 week long depressive binge cycles...that is whats really holding me back and fucking me up.

    If i relapse,put it behind me and get on with my day and my short term goals,of course i will be trying as hard as i possibly can to abstain - i just have to lose the all or nothing mindset.

    It's very simple in theory - if i achieve these goals,in a few months my life will be greatly improved - then i can set a new set of goals.


    I will not be arguing or trying to justify myself here anymore - get it,i know ive fucked up many times - dwelling on my past will not help me - i have to stay focused and move on.
     
  10. I'm happy to hear you're going ahead with meditation. You will see positive effects in a few weeks, but keep in mind this is a life long practice. Not that you must do it till you're dead, but that the benefits just keep on coming.

    I'd also encourage you to look at the benefits of simply establishing positive habits and then ramping up the frequency and intensity at which you do them. With everythig from read, meditating, eatig well, exercising, just introduce them into your life and once all the habits you want to be doing at the time are done without much thought (whih will happen after a month or two) then you can ramp up the intensity.

    Good to see you back. AGAIN, focus on the positives in your journal. Still tell us when you make a mistake but dont focus on it just as you shouldn't focus on it yourself. Learn from it and move on.

    Understand that you can grow as a person only with both introspection, looking inward (meditation, journalling, planning etc) and looking outward (informative books, mentors, great historical figures)
     
  11. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Yeah, but what are you going to do different this time to be able to be consistent?

    Just put more effort?

    Try harder?
     
  12. Dark_Knight

    Dark_Knight Guest

    It is about effort though,lol.If you don't push yourself,if you don't use willpower to stop yourself from relapsing - you fail.

    i'll be spending less time here now - i have much more important things to focus on rather than trying to argue or justify myself here,which is all i do now.Instead of support i just get told how wrong i am,and that doesn't help me.

    As an example i messaged UD about an issue that was really bothering me and he just completely ignored it,and told me i should just get on with my life and forget all about porn addiction,lol.

    I'm doing a 48 hour no internet thing now,i feel terrible - worse than i have ever felt - just so fatigued its indescribable.

    signing up to reddit in order to start fresh somewhere,i think ive burnt my bridges here and everyone just thinks im a lost cause - definitely not the environment i need in order to recover.
     
  13. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    But where are you going to get this effort from?

    Are you going to inject yourself with a substance that will give you effort?

    What are you going to do if this effort only lasts 6 days and then you relapse?
     
  14. Turtle556

    Turtle556 Guest

    I think your mistaking passion for judgement, these guys just care about you and a lot of what they are saying is spot on. Read The Underdog's thoughts on rebooting bro, it seriously makes so much sense. If we aren't addicted to porn, we are going to be addicted to the addiction, you will have this huge empty void when you quit porn for good, and you need to feel it with some sort of passion and major goal that you want to fulfill.
     
  15. Dark_Knight

    Dark_Knight Guest

    I know what they are suggesting i do is for the most part spot on.

    What i'm finding annoying is that no matter what i say,it's not right/not good enough.

    the reality is that iv'e been weak,i give into urges way to easily and i dont commit and stay consistent with the things i say im going to do.

    Please explain to me how abstaining from porn,exercise,meditation,clean eating,walking daily,reading - looking and applying for jobs and working is "wrong".

    It's a plain as day,very simple that this is the right way to go about it.Just abstaining wont work,using porn and trying to do all of those things wont work.

    You can use all the tools,read as many books as you can,watch videos on addiction and recovery - plan strategically,it really all comes down to your ability to get through the urges.
     
  16. Auss it looks like UD was testing you to actually see what your plan was if the shit hits the fan. I saw that you basically said if you relapse, you will just get on with life and that isn't an excuse to relapse. Thats great man, i really hope you can follow that through and just get on with life. It sounds like a contradiction, but after a relapse you must not judge yourself but you must also resolve to not do it again, learn why you relapsed and think what you can do to stop it from happening again. "What were my thought patterns? What time of day was it? Did i sleep badly last night? Did i skip my positive daily ritual? Was i lazy today? Did i argue with my family? How many days since my last O? And ask yourself if these had any effect on why you pmoed. If they did then you have direction to alter those circumstances and circumvent them. If you cant change them, like getting good sleep for example then sometimes you just have to be hiper aware that you had a bad sleep and may be prone to pmo.

    I cant copy the last sentence of your last post but you're right and you're wrong. It does come down to your ability to control urges. But your ability to control urges is trainable. Reading self help books, biographies of people like Nelson Mandela, books on Buddism, philosophy, doing meditation, exercise these all massively boost your mental capacity and change the way your brain works. Meditation for me has clearly benefited my urge control. When you are meditating a key factor of good meditation is controlli g urges like moving, scratching which can be extremely hard to do. So when you take what you learn i. Meditation into the outside world it is only beneficial.
     
  17. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Of course there's nothing wrong with that.

    The problem is repeating the same mistakes you've been making for the last 2 years.

    I don't see anything different in your approach this time.

    You still believe that it's impossible to improve your life unless you quit porn. That's why you feel hopeless after each relapse, because you believe that your life will never change unless you reach a long period of abstinence.

    I can't give you the support you want like "You can do it Aussie!! Best of luck mate!!" when I see a person commiting the same mistakes over and over again.

    You haven't been able to go past 14 days in almost 2 years and you still believe that your approach is the right one.

    Your method isn't working and will not suddenly start working magically out of nothing.
     
  18. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    One more thing.

    When we say: Focus on improving your life and forget about porn.

    We don't mean to say that porn doesn't cause problems.

    OF COURSE IT DOES!

    What we're saying is that you should relax and focus on what matters, which is your life.

    When you obsess so much about quitting porn then you're most likely to relapse and binge.

    It's like you're also addicted to rebooting. You're obsessed about it.

    When you put all your hopes on a day number then all it takes is one masturbation session for you to feel like all is lost.

    Want proof that you don't need a long streak of abstinence in order to improve your life? Just look back at the beginning of the year when you were exercising frequently despite not even reaching 10 days without porn.

    What more proof do you want?
     
  19. Dark_Knight

    Dark_Knight Guest

    UD and greeny - Let me get back to you - I will reply to your posts later.

    OMFG - I-feel-like-shit!

    I really don't know WTF is up with me.Zero energy,all I can really do is sleep - lethargy is constant - on top of that I feel like I'm sick,just without any other symptoms.

    Hopefully it passes soon,the only cause I can see it being is 3 weeks of heavy binging - and now on my fifth day clean my brain and body is freaking out or something.

    I can't do anything but ride it out - this fucking sux.Zero libido,no urges at all - I just feel terribly ill.

    Do you guys think my explanation is legit? Could weeks of 10 hour daily binges be causing this?

    I'm very serious about how I'm feeling - I'm not over exaggerating.I can't exercise,it'd make me feel worse - much like exercising with the flu.

    Jus going to put up with it and get through the day,not much else I can do.
     
  20. In all honesty i'm perplexed you are still asking this.

    1. Yes it can
    2. So can being a hermit
    3. It could be partly placebo
    4. It really doesn't matter what the cause is. Why? Because if it's all of the above or just one of the above, you must address them all.

    You are wringing blood from stone my friend. (Your brain in the stone and the blood is your cns).
     
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