Med. Strong natural erection withour visual stimuli. It nice to see the result of abstaining from P and excessive jerking off. Next I should learn to manage that without masturbation.
Have been promoted. Not exactly what I wanted but that was much needed change. Now I bear significant resposibility but also have access to more information and my fee is bigger. I like to play chess and often life is very similar: in order to win I have to arrange the current situation, not the desired one. I am ready to play life. I have worked hard on my relationships with my colleagues and that was worth it. We are an effective team. That was quite an interesting experience and useful one. I really feel like I improved myself as a personality and as a man. Sometimes I feel regret for my hasty decision to tell that girl about my feelings. I feel like she avoids me but that does not negatively impact work. Any way, she is an independent person and have the right to like or dislike anybody who she wants.
Thrice. Binge. I let my discipline to slip a little bit. I did not workout this week due to night shifts at work and rocrastination. Lies, lies, lies. Fight with them
Night shifts are quite intetesting in terms of response to stress and exhaustion from my body. I realy inclined to make stupid decisions or in general towards angry outbursts when I am tired. I had felt powerful wave of resentment, anger and bitterness when several colleagues didn't even say hello to me in the morning, when I was leaving from night shift. My tired mind perceived that as an insult. I felt himself as empty place. But I also fully aware that nobody owes my anything and these people may be just sleepy, that's Monday morning after all. PMed.
PMed thrice. Sometimes it feels like closed loop in my mind which sponateously activates and very hard to suppress.
I recently feel strange mix of emotion. It's related towards that girl that I liked. Sometimes we casually talk to each other but I spotted in myself some.kind of.... neediness? I want sympathy from her. But we just colleagues and that makes me.mad about it. Logically I understand that she owes me nothing and rejection is a part of life. But for some reason I began to experience the resentment again. All of a sudden. I don't understand my emotions.
February aftermaths. 4 resets during weekend. 5/2 workweek helps being busy. Working towards 2-3 resets.
Plans. Go to bed at 11 PM Making evening shower after dinner. Dedicated time for Kegel's every mornung
I am 19 right now going through this kind of anxiety is hard as a young adult, I am living in my parent's house right now as a black man in Mississippi where it rains at any time and where a day feels like an eternity. I hope everyone gets rid of porn and warn their children against it.
