Thanks for feedback, I really appreciate your support. I can't do much about environment. There are difficult political and economical situation in my country. My degree's usefullness is questionable, I am looking for possible switching towards other jobs. You have mentionwd about responses to situation. I believe that is a root of any addictiin: looped inadequate responses. I have focused on self-care during past months.
Took a paid leave for a month, worked oht more consistently took some vitamins, bought some delicious coffee and so on. It helps to feel myself human again
PMed. Strong tendency to postpone and avoid tasks which I do not want to do. These tasks usually are owerwhelming and important and by procrastinating such a way I avoid full responsibility in case of failure.
PMed. In all addictions lies a choice between good and evil. Every slip, every binge, every action is a bad choice, is a choice to turn back from reality and choose lie. I quitted the smoking when I consciously and unconsciously realised all the bad consequences of my addiction.
I have managed to mitigate the frequency of my slips to 2-3 for week. Earlier this year were 4-7 slips. In past -multiple acts during the day. It seems like a some progress. I have PM over 7 years. It also will take years to overcome.
Hi Krebs, what helps me right now is remembering everyday the shame and rage that I felt when I could not get hard while having a girl I much liked naked in my bed. It was devasting at that time, I still remember it. I recently met this girl again and this event really motivated myself to change for better. If you ever had similar failed experiences, whenever you are tempted to relapse,try to relive the pain you felt when you could not perform and remind yourself that: "Everything you ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear".
PMed twice. Horrible procrastination due to mess with my diploma work and university. Smart people doing utter bullshit. I am tired and just strive to my graduation in January.
Well, I have no such experience as yours' because I'm still virgin but I also use technique described. It can really takes years to recover.
PMed. Coping with anxiety. I have an important exam tomorrow and worry about my capability to pass it successfully
Thrice. Fucking binge. I really see a dictinctive pattern when abstaining periods are getting longer. I think about my smoking experience more and more. It was so similar. Periods of abstainment and then sudden slip due to a trigger. Then was a day when I made a hard decision. And I was struggling for month. Urges for smoking were so strong that I noticed my hand unconsciously moves towards my lips. I drew hard line and refused to quit. I knew that smoking can kill me. i have seen what It did to my father. I do not want to be fucked by some little tubes filled with nicotine. I do not want to be fucked up by some explicit imagery. I refuse to quit.
Was there any particular trigger in this case why you relapsed? Identifying hose triggers can be really helpful to become aware of addictive patterns and see possible relapses coming far ahead. I have been a smoker too, and to quit smoking I really had to become aware how my smoking was related to drinking coffee, taking breaks, feelijg anxious, after a meal, as reward after getting a task done, etc. For porn some triggers overlapped for me (e.g. as a reward and anxiety), but there are also others like being alone after a social event, having a large task ahead of me, having had a conflict with someone, etc. But also the weirdest minor things that got wired by extensive use like closing the curtains, going to the toilet with my phone in my hand, etc. It helps to write down your triggers and become aware of what happens in your mind under thise circumstances and try to find alternative actions. Then in such sutuations you can 'run a different script' then you are used to. One thing for sure, in the beginning it is really hard work, because your brain is so much more impulsive still (hypofrontality; YBOP), but you will start to get more an more control and more distance between thought and action. Anyway, you got my support. Keep going!
Thanks for advice. In case of smoking, the realisation of caused harm really helped as well as particular trigger of stress. But in case of porn I`m not so sure. It seems that longer staying in bed after waking up or insomnia before falling asleep can lead to loneliness and as a result, sexual fantasies. Alcohol-related slips are quite rare because I drink rarely but are almost inevitable. I really thought to try to establish a habit of quick getting up from bed and quick falling asleep. The goal is to use bed ONLY for sleeping. I have finished my Master`s degree and I am going to Monday-Friday work schedule. I have to wake up at 6 AM in order to arrive at work at 8 AM. As a result, I will not have time and possibility to stay in bed and thus I will remove one trigger.
Yes it is. Had a relapse yesterday night, not because of boredom, but because I had a tough day and at the end of it I was feeling a little depressed and hopeless. Now the following morning it's amazing how I feel much better. It's like a fight, sometimes you get tired and getting beat and not wanting to fight anymore, but if you just take a rest you're ready to go again. If I had just went to sleep I wouldn't had relapsed. But it's okay, I don't beatt myself too much because of relapses anymore. "Becoming someone who just doesn't pmo it's a mindset, doesn't matter if you're at day 1 or 1000." I read it somewhere and I liked it. So let's just relapse as least as we can until we don't think about it anymore.
