I also noticed how increased sexual desire had stimulated men to interact more with women. My relatioships with colleagues definitely benefited from that. Healthy amount of such desire feells natural.
PMed. It reminds me my smoking habit. When I have been quitting, I often experience disgust and desire simultaneously. All my rhoughts revolved about cigarette, but when I took one, I feel disgust and throw it away. Same with porn.
It makes me a little bit optimistic because such attitude really caused me.to recoil from the smell of cigarette
Hey man @Krebs . You can do this. The goal is to retrain your brain that in the moment of the urge, before looking at P, you are aware that this is not going to bring you joy or fulfilment but only shame and disgust. The most helpful things for me to retrain my brain, so far have been: 1- Journalling. Write down how you are feeling when you want to act out, then remind yourself of the lies you are buying into if you go along with P and the benefit of not doing it. I find journalling about my spiritual motivation is essential. If you journal often, every day, your brain starts to wake up to the truth and see the lies for what they are. 2- Lots of web content filters and blockers to snap you out of the "muscle memory" of opening tabs and looking for P. This doesn't work by itself without journalling 3- Keep reminding yourself P has NOTHING good to give you. It only keeps you feeling low between sessions without giving you any benefit. The people who enjoy life more are non-users. You can be a non-user if you stay the course.
PMed. I wake up a hour later then planned. Stayed in bed for 2more hours. I am angry on myself in such situations
I clearly understand that I can not stand one of my colleagues. He has great relationships with woman whom refused me in romantic relationships. They're just a friends but something primal wakes up every time when I see him. I want to crack his skull against the wall with full force, obtained from physical training. I understand that my desire in destructive and unreasonable. It is some kind of jealousy. I am hearing their conversations right now, see they talking about work, see her smiling st his jokes and feel something brutal and primordial inside. I clearly understand that guy can not stand a minute in fight with me because I would not give such. And I understand that I shouldn't do it, I shouldn't think this way. These two didn't make me any harm.
I often experience emotion of anfer and anxiety. Also often it transforms into jealousy towards luckier peoples. I hope a vacation help with this. I really tired from my boring work.
Don't expect that someone will treat you good. Don't expect any good from peoples at all because it is really rare. And don't let ypur emotions fool you.
I have quite complicated emotions about my company. From the one point of view, I receievd good treatment from my colleagues, they were friendly and helpful. It was better than I expected. From the other, there is a decent group of peeople, who befriend each other and they use their friendship for their advantage. Often some of them postpone trhir share of work on other shoulders. Some of them are actually friends of the head of laboratory. Any conflict with them can be costly and I really don't understand how they befriend each other.
For some unidentified reason I feel resentment towards that women who rejected me a couple months earlier. I saw her relationships with one of the colleahues and her attitude towards him waaaayy different than to me. I am just a friend. So he is. At least she tells that. If that's true, than why I am so enraged? If that's false, than why? Why I am so enraged and sick of everything? Why? Why? Why I experience anger towards people who don't do me any harm?
Med. Lost in fantasies and delusions. Lost control over myself. The world around me is so chaotic and stressful. I have to do stupid work in order to obtain thing that I don't need to. I can't fullfill my needs and desires. I feel handcuffed and legcuffed.
Strength @Krebs ! I appreciate that you keep coming in here and posting honestly. You have only lost the war when you give up. Breathe, don't be too hard on yourself, get up and go again. You have started to identify the roots of your problems, which is stress around you. There is always something we can do to improve our situation, whether it's working to improve your external situation, or improving your responses to the situation internally. One thing you and I both know: As bad as thing get, you can always make things worse by using P.
