My journal

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by John Ball, Apr 12, 2020.

  1. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Staying away from P is one thing. Overcoming the fear of ED is another. Once you start stressing about it, you lose your boner.

    I think you’re better off starting a relationship slow. Dating a while before engaging in sex. So many people go for sex before they even had a good and deep conversation first, it’s kinda weird in my opinion.

    The thing is. When you’re focused on your boner, you’re not focused on her. You’re not connecting, not building a relationship, not focused on giving her pleasure, not feeling the sensations in your body, not in the moment. You’re just stuck in your head.

    A lot of times people will say:“stay a way from P and it will fix ED”. Well that’s true and not true at the same time. It’s mandatory to stop P, so you can put yourself in a position where you can heal ED.

    If you can meet this girl again, just be honest. Tell her what happend. You quit porn and now you’re reconnecting your brain to a healthy libido. When you’re relaxed and comfortable together, and you’re not focused on it, erection happens. Then just stay relaxed. It might come and go. Be open in the communication and at a certain moment you’re rewired and it all just works.
    John Ball likes this.
  2. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    There are other things that effect erection quality such as including exercising and eating well.
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  3. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    Yesterday I was down and I still am tbh but I think this is so true, I thought I had done enough by avoiding porn and m, but there’s so much more too it, I need to stop myself from ever edging again completely from noe on too.
    axebattler likes this.
  4. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    Thanks for this. I do understand what you’re saying, it is obviously a sore point for us, it’s not something easy to talk about and there’s no easy solution.

    I do understand what you’re saying of course, being sensual, getting to know someone, being comfortable with each other etc.

    I will do this if there’s a next girl; but I know how important it is to prepare myself for this by not even edging. I really feel edging is something that is underestimated in how negative it’s connotations are - we are effectively replaying porn in out head to make a scenario and it needs to end for us to progress and grow.
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  5. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    Of course, and I agree, but I am pretty healthy, I exercise every day and do numerous sports too. I feel it is a mental thing, it’s actually quite surreal when you think about it, how your brain has just lost the pattern of something, actually lost is probably not the right word, more we have helped waylay it.
    positivef likes this.
  6. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    Just popped in to say I’m on day 133 now. Still edging way too often but in general I am feeling good.

    hope you are all well.
    positivef likes this.
  7. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    It's great to hear you are making good progress.
  8. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    Thank you for this, I appreciate it.

    Unfortunately, this morning I edged too far and came. I am actually not as gutted as I thought I’d be. I managed to last without m for 138 days, which is good progress. Having said that I feel like I’ve just thrown all that progress out the window with a moment of weakness.
  9. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    You haven't thrown your progress out of the window merely lost one out of many battles. Your brain is healthier than 138 days ago. The point of counting the days is to motivate progress not to bash yourself over the head with.
    Back on the horse : -)

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