My journal

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by John Ball, Apr 12, 2020.

  1. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    At the minute am really angry with myself for edging this morning and ended up taking it too far. I have never done this but I have decided I need to make the most of this superb community and try one of these blogs.

    So, here I am: Day Zero. Still got that horrible feeling of guilt and worry about the future, but that’s not going to get me anywhere right now. We all have to look forward.

    Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
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  2. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

  3. John Ball

    John Ball Member

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  4. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    What tips can anyone provide to avoid edging? We’ve all had those moments where an image that turns u on comes into your head: how do we avoid that? And if we can’t avoid it, how do we get rid of it asap? Any tips?
  5. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    Hard to avoid, but the less you look at such images, the less they'll come into your head. And the less you deliberately think about them, the less they'll come into your head also.

    Try thinking about, or doing, other things instead. You could say to yourself, "No, I can't think about that right now, but I can think about..."
  6. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    Yes, I like this little technique. I am on my 11th day and so far tbh it has been pretty good. I’ve avoided any images, or videos etc. A couple of times my mind has wandered but I have managed to stop it early. But it’s babysteps and there’s a long way to go to remain disciplined.
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  7. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    18 days in, so far so good. Actually well, this week I had a wet dream but I don’t hold myself responsible for that. Other than that, I’ve been avoiding all triggers: videos, not staying in bed, not drinking too much, keeping myself busy.

    Hope it lasts, and hope it works out for all of us.
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  8. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    I am on 25 days and had one bad day this week where I allowed my mind to wander too much and nearly paid the price. It is 100% no coincidence that the day I did this was the day I broke my routine and allowed myself to lie in bed too long with a hangover.

    Having a daily routine that avoids the chance for your mind to wander is so important.

    I have a question: at any stage in this, or at all stages in this, has any of you felt that you climax waaaaay quicker than acceptable, like sometimes even after a few seconds? I have this problem, another reason to have completely avoid any triggers.
  9. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Good to see you’ve found something that works and trying your best to keep to your routine.

    I can relate to climaxing real fast after abstaining. I’ve had it before, especially on longer streaks. For me it usually had to do with increased amount of dopamine receptors (bigger high when dopamine is released when peaking) ánd a certain amount of excitement for doing something you know you shouldn’t be doing.

    For example: a while back I was orgasm free for over 2 months. I ended up peaking and that lead to some self-touching. At that very moment I got a text message from my GF. The sound startled me and I came to this deep realisation that I shouldn’t be doing this. I was ashamed of it and that caused an adrenaline spike. Clicked the video away and stopped touching myself, but it was too late. The cocktail of adrenaline and dopamine gave me an immediate orgasm.
    John Ball likes this.
  10. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    I can definitely relate to this, we’ve made it second nature to ourselves to be thinking of fantasies, that is why it’s so hard to get out of the rut. We literally have to change how we think.
  11. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    Half way through my 90 day goal and feeling pretty good.
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  12. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    My target was 90 days, I am now on day 60, so 30 days to go. Since I last posted 15 days ago, I have had two nights where I couldn’t sleep and my mind reverted to what it usually does and tried to wander. Edging is really not a good thing. I still feel I would cum very very quickly which is also annoying but I can’t expect miracles straight away.

    Everyone says, “you need to identify when you have them thoughts and then move on,” but a lot of the time it is really hard to move on.

    Still though, I am feeling good, I don’t have that horrible Feeling of guilt and self loathing, and I hope it continues for a long time.

    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  13. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Great job on not acting out! Stay strong :)
  14. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    Thanks mate.

    I am now on Day 75 of no fap. Last week I watched some porn that was sent to me on my phone, I don’t even know why. Well I do, because my brain still craves it but I had regret afterwards.

    How big a setback is it to watch this for about 15 minutes ?
    I haven’t masturbated still and haven’t really had any edging either. Fifteen days to go
  15. Throwaway Handle

    Throwaway Handle New Member

    This isn't a good idea. I've blown streaks of 8+ months before by telling myself that I was cured and there was no harm in just watching.
  16. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    I agree. I think I have been of the mindset that I just need to no fap for 90 days and I would be ok but it’s more complex that that.

    Today is my Day 90 of no fap and I do feel proud of myself. I was trying to give myself some credit before because I was saying to myself how you always have that feeling of self loathing when you have m’ed , well I should have the opposite feeling when I haven’t for 90 days. We are all too hard on ourselves.

    What do you think I should do now, where do I stand with my five minutes of porn watching on day 60.? Is that worthy of a complete reset?? Or do I just keep going on at this rate, never watching any of that again? My morning wood is better in my opinion, but still not 100%, but it is better. Where do you think I am on the journey?
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  17. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Congrats on day 90! Well done man.

    Remember the counter is there for you, not for us. If it helps you to reset it to when you last peaked, then do so. If it doesn’t, then don’t.

    The mindset of 90 days and cured is wrong. Everyone is different. 90 is just how lang it usually takes for people to get a ‘reboot’. Like ED problems / brain fog disappearing and such. This varies from person to person though. Keep in mind that a reboot and recovery are two different things. For addicts it’s probably better to not Look at porn ever again.
    John Ball likes this.
  18. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    I completely agree, thank you.
  19. John Ball

    John Ball Member

    I have been texting a girl for a few weeks and yesterday we met up and I went back to hers. Nothing happened in the night we both fell asleep because we were drunk. When I woke up, I was hard so I started to have sex with her, but after about 10 seconds I felt my boner fade. It was really embarrassing. Actually she was good about it but I was on a real downer. I was trying everything to get it going again and it just would not stay erect or even get back to that.
    Then I realised - the last time I had sex with a girl, I couldn’t perform in the night, but woke up with morning wood, and we had sex where my boner was good. So I have to be honest with you, I am on a real downer, how can I form a lasting relationship with someone when my penis only works when I wake up, and it didn’t even do that today? I always wanted kids but I was coming home from the girls place and it hit me just how incredibly unlikely it is that I ever have a meaningful relationship never mind become a father.

    I mean I was literally lying next to a pretty, and naked girl for hours, and I couldn’t get hard, that is really emasculating, deflating and actually very depressing. Sorry to be so negative but this is the reality.

    I don’t know where to go, what to do anymore. I’ve tried the tabs viagra to limited benefit: is there more I can do, what about that company I’ve seen advertised, Numan, are they any good? I’m sorry, just on a downer, I felt pretty pathetic coming home.
  20. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    Sorry to hear about that.

    Fixing PIED takes time. You can speed up the process by being really strict about avoiding all P, P-subs, M, fantasising, ogling etc. as much as possible.
    John Ball likes this.

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