My Introduction

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Headsup123, Nov 29, 2019.

  1. Headsup123

    Headsup123 New Member

    (USA, 61M) About two years ago, I began having problems with ED, DE, and anorgasmia. My research on it led me here and to YBOP. Everyone’s journey to this point is personal to them. I’ll tell you my story which is difficult and embarrassing to rehash. But oh well this is the place to do it right?

    A little back story. My porn use began as a young teenager, tame by today’s standards: Sears catalog underwear/lingerie section, Playboy, Hustler and such. The advent of the internet brought easier access but it was not an issue for me.

    I’m 61, a widower for five years, and have always had significant stress in my life, especially in the last eight years. After my wife passed away five years ago I found that grief caused a lot of issues for some time. Prior to my wife becoming ill eight years ago, we enjoyed a fairly normal sex life. With her cancer, sex tapered off to nothing quite quickly for obvious reasons. My porn use increased as a result up until perhaps her last six months. At that point, I had neither the desire nor energy to fap or consume much porn. Different priorities as I was her sole caregiver.

    About eight months after she passed, I went to a urologist about my lack of libido and erectile issues. Bloodwork showed low testosterone but not so low as to require intervention. So my issues were not organic. Doc prescribed daily low dose Cialis which helped. My insurance only covered 5 pills a month and was prohibitively expensive otherwise. So I found an online solution for its generic. I used it fairly successfully off and on, primarily during periods of high stress.

    Single now and having been forced into an early retirement (sort of) I had a lot of time on my hands. I did have occasional sex but it was inconsistent and unfulfilling. So my porn use increased. A lot. Eventually, I would have multiple tabs open on my computer, two monitors, and my tv all at once. I used Pornhub, other porn sites and DVDs, sometimes several hours a day. Eventually, I had ~60GBs of it on my computer, all vanilla sex but some pretty raunchy.

    Eight months ago I moved and found a new community and was happier and had a much better frame of mind than I’d had in many years. A new General Practitioner with a weight loss clinic helped me get motivated and I’ve lost more than 60 lbs. from my 6’4” frame. I hoped my new fitness and better health would help my flagging sexual performance. Nope.

    I started having DE and anorgasmia issues on occasion. I noticed it in fapping, oral, vaginal and anal sex. It progressed to the point where fapping to porn was the only way to cum, sometimes using toys and prone masturbation. Even fapping to porn became more difficult to the point where the death grip and speed would cause pain and abrasions. I grew up being used to NOT using lube while fapping.

    When I did have sex I was able to get erect, though maybe only 80% hard (even with low dose generic Cialis). Stopping foreplay to put on a condom, my erection would begin to fade and eventually lose it completely just before or shortly after penetration. It left us both embarrassed and disappointed. Even trying to finish with oral it was difficult to get hard again and of course, I couldn’t cum at all. This occurred several times before I suspected the possibility of excessive porn use was to blame.

    So I found these sites, read a lot of information and testimonials and decided I needed to stop PMO in order to become sexually healthy again. I started a week ago (11-22-2019) with an initial goal of 60-90 days no PMO. I deleted ALL the porn on my computers, got rid of the DVDs and toys, and unsubscribed from websites and some Reddit threads. So far no major issues. Still, my mind and hands wander and morning wood and nocturnal erections are firm and inviting. I’ve managed to stop before anything progressed.

    I know this is a long post, but I wanted to bare it all. Reading many other posts I’ve realized my struggles are not unique. I know I’ll be able to get back a healthy sex life without ED meds. In time.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2019
    nuclpow likes this.
  2. Headsup123

    Headsup123 New Member

    Nine days on with some success. No porn and no desire to watch any. Slipped on the masturbating tho. Didn't get or remain especially hard, and no orgasm. Both are issues I was struggling with, no not surprising. So, back to day one on that. One positive side effect I'm finding, as many guys report, is the surprising amount of energy I have. I hope that lasts! I've been eating better and exercising more for the last few months so I'm seeing the benefits on all fronts. Too soon to identify any other benefits yet though.
     
  3. tur2rr2rrr

    tur2rr2rrr New Member

    Hi, it's great that you have decide to quit porn and improve your life. I've been addicted for decades so not expecting massive benefits quickly. I'm also aware things can get worse before getting better. For example, flatline is a thing and personally I'm having to work through depression.
     
  4. Headsup123

    Headsup123 New Member

    Almost two weeks without watching porn. Struggling with M, three times in the last week. The first I intentionally initiated as I wanted to see if I was making any progress. I'm still only able to get ~80% erect. The first O was so-so, not very strong, the second O didn't happen at all and I caught myself and stopped when I realized what was happening with the death grip and my speed. The third fizzled right at the point of ejaculation. So the struggle continues. It's difficult to control the urges and intense fantasizing. I've woken up in the middle of the night with very firm erections so I know things work...my brain just gets in the way when the time comes. So, hands off....again.

    My new-found energy continues unabated, which I'm liking. Something new I've noticed is I have more confidence. It's been easier to strike up conversations and get things done requiring interactions in person or by phone. Out shopping on the weekend there were two women who caught my eye and smiled at me. Uhhhh, it's been quite a while since that has happened. My projecting and carrying myself with more confidence perhaps? I know my 'resting bitch face' has softened recently. That could be it, too. Heck, even my son noticed I seemed happier on the phone this evening. Of course, I'm not about to tell him what's precipitating that, haha.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  5. tur2rr2rrr

    tur2rr2rrr New Member

    Masturbating to see if I'm still 'functional' has been a downfall for me in the past. The trouble being I've associated it with porn. So later in the day or the next day I've ended using porn again.

    I'm going to try abstain from masturbating for at least a month to see if that helps me rewire.

    It's encourage to hear you have had an energy boost in interacting with people. Here's to continued improvement!
     
  6. tur2rr2rrr

    tur2rr2rrr New Member

    Unfortunately, I did masturbate this morning after 20 days. Hoping like hell I can ride it out and not relapse into porn. I need more discipline in my life in general.
     
  7. nuclpow

    nuclpow Active Member

    I read your posts and you're in the right place.

    Have you read the My Thoughts on Rebooting thread by TheUnderdog, this website's founder? It's the basis of my current rebooting attempt and I'm doing a lot better than usual.

    I would also recommend thinking about having filtering on all your devices.

    I have more suggestions that worked for me, but I don't want to dump it all on you at once.
     
  8. tur2rr2rrr

    tur2rr2rrr New Member

    Filtering devices may work to begin with, but eventually learning to deal with triggers is necessary.
    What especially in TheUnderdog's post did you find useful? I thought it was helpful for the need to shift perspective on sexual thoughts (abstinence is not recovery) and the need to be build the life you want with urgency.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  9. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Welcome sir. This is a good place to post and sort out our lives.
     
  10. nuclpow

    nuclpow Active Member

    Definitely!
    Who me? I agree with his thesis that using willpower to refrain from porn will fail, and wouldn't help you reboot anyway. I agree with the section that says you need to work on your life to reboot from porn, and not just abstain from PMO. I also agree with the other section that you need to practice NoA and not think about sex unless you're going to have it. That's all I can remember for now.

    It's a great post and I think everyone here should read it just after joining.
     
  11. Headsup123

    Headsup123 New Member

    Thanks for all the suggestions and support, guys. I'm open to any suggestions you have. As far as filters, there is one I used a couple of years ago called K9 Web Protection. However, it is no longer available for download.
     

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