My guy and flatlining...when does it start on average?

Discussion in 'Women' started by 3timesacharm, Jun 13, 2016.

  1. 3timesacharm

    3timesacharm New Member

    Let me start by saying this is my second go around with a pmo guy. I have a habit of attracting it for some reason. The first time through the guy was too deep entrenched to go through the process of getting over it. So while I know some things that do/don't happen, I didn't experience everything. So the flatlining current guy had a pmo habit. Gave it up, pretty easily. Saw the flagging erections with him. Not soft, but not 100% either. Now we are six months in and suddenly it no longer works. He can get erect but as soon as we start to actually engage in sex, it goes soft. Side note, more often than not it is fine with oral or if he makes himself erect, just not for sex. It goes soft almost right away. He has used a handful of excuses, tired, age,(38), sore muscles. I don't believe the excuses mostly, but know that it is a little pointless to call him out on it. We haven't realy talked about it, bc I don't know how to really. But we are now at a point where he just wants mutual oral, but hasn't even tried to engage in sex again. I know flatlining is a thing, I just thought that it happened much earlier in than six months. Is it possible that this is what it is? My brain is a scrambled mess. I'm trying to be patient with it, but it's really hurting me. And advice. Or some general answer would be appreciated!
    ClaudeBolling likes this.
  2. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    I think there's more than one kind of flatline and a guy can experience different types during the reboot, and more than one type at the same time.

    The first is associated with your O-cycle, or the "crash" and "build-up" of desire that follows an orgasm. Basically not feeling like sex for the few days after an orgasm.

    The second is associated with the brain re-learning to enjoy real sex. Guys who have been PMO-ing for a long time have distorted their natural reward (dopamine) system so they only associate pleasure with PMO and get a "buzz" from it and the anticipation of it. I think the flatlines a lot of guys talk about on YBR are this in-between phase, where they are no longer indulging in PMO but they haven't made new associations with real sex yet either. This is why so much emphasis is placed on rewiring around here.

    Third is the "flatline" that happens before the penis regains full plumbing and nerve supply. PMO and edging in particular deadens nerves. It takes months and months for this to improve. When it does PIV (penis in vagina) will feel a lot better for your man, which will make rewiring to this kind of sex much easier. To give you an idea, I regained locking erections around 6 months and am only now beginning to get improved sensitivity, after 1 year (I have no idea how long this takes other guys- maybe men in their 20s regain these things much faster).

    Hope this helps some.
  3. 3timesacharm

    3timesacharm New Member

    So we have talked about some things in more detail. And we have had finisht to completion intercourse--albeit with very soft erection. But he says recent interactions have been very difficult only bc it feels very sensitive and he has to fight premature ejaculation. Last night we engaged in oral again and he reached climax. The reason I am talking about this is bc this is the first time that has happened without me using the "death grip" to make it happen. It was a very loose hold, and it worked! And he still maintained a very hard erection after--enough to have intercourse still. Anyway--point being, I think we may be on the right track. I'm just curious about how long the healing process will take. He started very young with online porn and used it for years before he ever had any physical contact with a woman. So I think it may be a long process for him.

    I am wondering about something else though. When he and I have any kind of contact, even just kissing all the way up to intercourse-he gets very distracted verrrry easily. A noise, a random thought not related to sex, anything really. It definitely affects erections when he has them. The random distractions make it go away in a blink. Can that be a function of the disconnect? Or am I overthinking and it's just good old fashioned adhd? Lol. Just wondering bc it can be slightly disconcerting at times to be in the middle of a passionate kiss only to have him stop to say something about a random tv show...
  4. wecandothis

    wecandothis Member

    New man, I accidentaly stumbled upon your post and I think it is gold. As an ex-adger I can see this re-plumbing happening on my penis, I see more and more veins upon it, and hangs bigger,fuller and longer. I am on and off flatline, but the erectile trend is upward for sure.
  5. MwC

    MwC Member

    I think there is a general mix up in this forums. What your guy is experiencng is likely preformance anxiety. This is not likely to pass even if porn is out of the way. 6 months is a great achievement and should get porn out of the system. PA is a tricky bastard. i had this for a while, extremely frustrating. It ended with my wifes first pregnancy, and me learning not to depent on my dick so much. Hands, mouth, toys. When the pressure to preform was reduced the erection slowly came back. Now 95% of the time everything works... even if i am not fully off the porn :(
  6. mankiam33

    mankiam33 New Member

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