My First Post

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by TommyH, Nov 24, 2012.

  1. TommyH

    TommyH New Member

    After 25 years of letting pornography and fantasy have the upper hand, I'm ready to stop running, stare this addiction down, and be the last man standing. My wife deserves better, as do I. I'm 45, married 18 years, two great kids, and a life I should be loving, but I'm too enveloped in fear and avoidance and depression to embrace it all.

    This morning's dalliance with the internet and the subsequent acting out (MO) left me unfulfilled, as much or more than usual. At this point, it's just habitual, a hungry ghost that cannot be satisfied. So, my choice is to raise the level of engagement, which would mean more porn, perhaps even cheating, at the least wasting even more time and energy - or letting it go. Just saying, "stop" to the chaos and the neurosis this has caused. I know it's not easy, I know there'll be temptations, but I'm weary of hiding from it and trying to fix it without really committing myself to what is required. I've joined Candeo, and I've signed on here - these resources, along with meditation and journaling, will be my safe havens.

    Time to move forward. Time to step into the light.

    Good to be here - thanks everyone.

  2. sanzok

    sanzok New Member

    Welcome to the forum man!

    Hope your reboot will help turn things around!

    However i noticed you wrote your post 4hours ago, yet the PMO counter shows 3hrs.. I do hope it wasn't your "last time" before going cold turkey, because that would not be a great start ;) good luck!
  3. cmurphynh

    cmurphynh New Member

    Hey TommyH -

    You're doing the right thing. It's going to be ok.

    Go to the site and watch the TED talk with Gary Wilson. That's a good a beginning of your new journey. You should try to read as many articles as possible about why you couldn't shake this addiction on that site. Your brain was never designed for high speed porn. The reward system in your brain (dopamine etc) has be severely overloaded. All you need to do is learn about that and you will feel better about your situation. You can overcome because its about science. No mystery here.

    Every time you get urges come here and tell someone. You most likely will get some help right away. The urges are not natural because high speed porn has created pathways in your brain. You can re-train your brain and those impulse urges will diminish.

    Please go read the articles on dopamine and deltafosb. Let us know what you learn!
  4. Hopefully

    Hopefully Guest

    Good luck and have fun on your way!
  5. TommyH

    TommyH New Member

    Hey everyone,

    Thanks for the positive words. I will go watch the TED talk and read up about the chemical aspects of this addiction, though I'm acquainted with a lot of it from Candeo and from my own efforts to stop the train myself over the years.

    And, no, I have the timer wrong. My last acting out was around 8am Saturday morning, I just didn't know how to set the little timer to the hour vs. to the day. It's all good. I'm on the verge of 24 hours as I write this - I promise I didn't join, add the timer, and then run off and act out as one last act of sexual rebellion. ::)

    Glad to hear that feedback and support here is so swift - that's a good feeling. I have relied on Facebook as an escape from porn, a place to go and feel some connection with friends, but I find it to be a huge time suck as well, though not as spiritually/sexually detrimental, I still find it to be an escape rather than facing this head-on, which is what I think needs to happen for me to truly reboot.

    Glad to be hear - thanks for the welcome.

  6. youngoldie

    youngoldie Onwards comrades - we have to go back!

    Welcome on board! Wish you all the best.

    If you not have yet found it, here's a sub-site, giving lots of advices how to stay on your way to recovery:

    My personal advice is to write down a list of activites you can do if you will be tempted - just choose on within 5 seconds and do it.
  7. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    The BEST thing about the forum is that even though our roots are different, the group can understand the struggles inherent in rebooting. We understand and are willing to stand beside you as you MOVE FORWARD to a better life!

    Keep moving on!

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