My cure for anxiety, femdom, findom, humiliation and sissy porn addiction.

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by fedmom, Aug 11, 2019.

  1. fedmom

    fedmom New Member

    I've decided to redo this first post.
    This isn't medical advice and I'm not a doctor.
    Stop watching femdom porn and never do any of it for real as it can ruin your life. Women are sexually submissive and expect men to dominate them. Perverted men are the biggest turn off.
    I believe there is a link between anxiety/feeling worthless and femdom. I think men who are turned on by femdom haven't fully developed.
    Activating the fight or flight response while in a safe space reduced my anxiety, increased my self worth and eventually stopped me being turned on by femdom.
    You can activate the fight or flight response even while you are lying down.
    The way I do it is by using the voice in my head to shout at myself saying I'm a pussy, faggot, bitch with loads of swear words (motherfucker is the main one).
    Watch "scared straight" episodes and emulate it like the prisoners shouting at you. Also, watch violent gangster movies and listen to gangster rap music.
    Do it when you are inside and not concentrating on something. Do it for as long as you need and I hope it works for you.
    Another edit - I will say my theory about this. When you experience the fight or flight response and go into flight mode (panic attack) you regress in development. When you experience it without any panic your development progresses. I believe this is directly linked to whether or not you are turned on by femdom.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2019 at 9:35 PM
    ultrafabber likes this.
  2. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    I'm sorry, but this approach won't work.

    I've been on these boards for years, and I'm yet to see any examples of someone just moderating their porn use or cutting out a couple fetishes and setting their lives straight.

    These fetishes can have a multitude of causes. They can be porn induced, either entirely or in part, they can relate to early childhood trauma, early inappropriate sexual experiences, or strange preoccupations. I don't think lacking "masculine energy" is one of the potential causes (not sure what that is, except voodoo meets bro-science) nor is a failure to be properly "dominating". In fact, an unhealthy preoccupation with the domination/subordination dynamic in sex can lead a person, in very short order, to manifest a similar unhealthy preoccupation in porn. In other words, your cure might be the disease itself.

    How long did you try nofap? It often takes quite a long time to have any results, and it often gets worse before it gets better, especially if you started high speed internet porn use at a young age or if there are emotional problems not being dealt with. Also, "doing something you later regret" usually happens in the throes of porn addiction. The stories I hear about people tracking down escorts to live our their porn fantasies, whether it be sub/dom stuff, transexual stuff, or whatever else, it usually happens when they are so buried in the porn that they are scared that it defines them so much that they need to experience it in real life to exorcise it and get it out of their system. Giving it up is the only way out.
     
  3. fedmom

    fedmom New Member

    It has worked for me and that's why I'm telling others.
    I did nofap on and off for almost 3 years. Lasting roughly 3 months at the most.
    It didn't do anything other than make me very sleepy and more at risk of doing something stupid.
     
  4. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    Yeah, the 90 day mark would be the absolute starting point for real benefits of quitting when there is any moderate amount of porn escalation. I don't think you quit long enough.
     
  5. fedmom

    fedmom New Member

    I couldn't have gone without a release for more than 3 months. Doing nofap actually made me feel worse because of the lack of energy. I would do a few months then masturbate only a few times and then do nofap again for another few months. This was over a period of nearly 3 years. I started getting panic attacks after a girl put makeup on my face when I was 13. The panic attacks made me feel worthless so I didn't develop properly and actually regressed. I know now (but didn't at the time) that there was a link between feeling worthless and my addiction to femdom porn. When I first started doing this thing using the voice in my head I experienced a withdrawl effect which felt like the panic attacks. I kept doing the voice over and over and after about 2 weeks the withdrawl stopped and since then I'm the opposite of how I was. Watching violent movies and the scared straight prison videos has helped as well I think.
     
  6. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    Ah, now we're talking.

    Yeah, porn addiction will lie low and then come back with a vengeance. I often say that when we have the physical stuff or the triggers figured out, the emotional stuff is the "final boss" that makes rebooting impossible. I think we're discovering what your "final boss" really is.... or at least, starting to figure it out.

    I would say there is absolutely a connection between your "worthless" feeling, and possibly something else having to do with feeling emasculated. I've heard anecdotally that guys into femdom often have memories of being beaten up (playfully or not) or wrestling with an older sister or cousin, and that impacting how their sexuality came to be. I barely know you, but there might be enough here to discuss with a therapist, if your health insurance scenario would allow for such a thing.

    The violence, "scared straight" and uber macho stuff worries me a bit. Reacting to uncomfortable feelings of lack of worth or lack of strength with rage and a different kind of humiliation... it just doesn't seem like much good could come from it. Like, you're just finding another way to beat yourself up.

    Something to remember: sometimes these fetishes arise because of the early life situations. Other times, porn has a way of finding this stuff. Like, if you had a world without porn, you might never have awoken this part of you, but porn seeps into your psyche and finds these weird buttons and switches to mess with. For me, I struggled with porn with pregnant women. Why pregnant women? Not sure. I had an ex-girlfriend who had a pregnancy scare with another guy (who himself was an awful person) and I have had other similar anxieties through life. I'm sure all of that stuff was stewing in me. But, if it wasn't for porn, I probably never would have felt a compelling need to hyper-sexualize it.

    Also, there was some tentative science some time ago that looked at the build up of a chemical called Delta Fos B in the brain that is responsible for a lot of that "jonesing" urge, which tends to diminish significantly right around 90 days. The studies behind it related to cocaine addictions and was on rats so it is hard to make strict applications to humans and porn, but many have used it as a general rule of thumb. I will say that it took me about 90 days for the feeling of rebooting to change from a day-to-day white knuckle experience to more of a long game. It is reasonable to think that it was easier for me than it would be for others, since I'm a bit older. I was 34-35 at the time. I didn't get internet until I was 15, and it was dial up. I got DSL around age 21 or 22, and didn't get connections fast enough for streaming video until I was around 27-28. Reboot timelines lengthen significantly when the age of exposure to high speed internet porn is lower. So, if you can make it to 90 days, I think you can make it past, you just might need a couple more tools in the toolbox.
     
    forlorn likes this.
  7. fedmom

    fedmom New Member

    That was always roughly the point I felt I couldn't go any further. It's interesting that about cocaine addiction because that's exactly what it's like. It's not a problem for me now but thanks for the help.
     
  8. fedmom

    fedmom New Member

    I probably should have been clearer. I agree nofap can cure porn addictions however I think men who are turned on by femdom haven't fully developed. So, in my opinion, nofap might cure an addiction to femdom but wouldn't cure being turned on by it.
     
  9. Psyfer

    Psyfer New Member

    It appears that you suffer from a paraphilic disorder known as sexual masochism disorder. Because you hold a specific preference for female domination, this is perhaps referred to as a dominatrix variant of sexual masochism disorder. The evidence for NoFap's efficacy in compulsive porn use and paraphilias is 99.9% anecdotal; therefore, it cannot be taken seriously for such complex problems. If the sexual masochism paraphilia from which you appear to suffer is causing significant distress in your life, then I believe that it requires medical attention. I would strongly suggest that you make an appointment your GP in the first instance, explain your issues in detail and ask for a referral to a qualified psychosexual therapist. There are some medications that have been shown to be useful in paraphilic disorders including selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and antiandrogen medications. Finally, discussing the potential origins of paraphilic disorders to strangers in online forums is ill-advised; it is a very complex issue that should not be trivialised.
     
  10. fedmom

    fedmom New Member

    Yes, but I'm okay now. Masochism (not just femdom) is the worst for men because it effects manhood.
    It took a while to figure out how to cure it. Being able to experience the feeling of the panic attacks inside the house did the trick for me.
     
  11. fedmom

    fedmom New Member

    I should add, this obviously isn't sound medical advice and I'm not a doctor. I'm guessing that doing this voice thing activates the fight or flight response.
     
  12. fedmom

    fedmom New Member

    Another thing is I did findom which I seriously regret. After the first two weeks of doing this voice thing I felt REALLY weird. I've never experienced the world like that before. I also felt seriously ill and it's getting a bit better but really annoying.
     
  13. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    We've been over this in threads. There are excellent studies, you just choose to dismiss them as "anecdotal". Counseling people who are struggling and telling them lies like this is unconscionable.
     
  14. fedmom

    fedmom New Member

    That 90 day thing is quite interesting because I seriously struggled to go any longer than that. You have to do what works for you though. But like I say I couldn't get over roughly 3 months. I didn't know about the 90 day thing at the time though which would have made me more determined.
     
  15. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    Yeah, it won't be exactly 90 days for everyone and it does get longer for the younger people. On a related note, it is helpful to keep one thing in mind: when cravings are hard and you feel close to a relapse, your porn brain tells you that the only way out is through porn. You want the pain to end, and it is the only way to end. It feels like you can't breathe, and you just want to gasp for air. The truth is that no matter how bad it is, if we ride it out it does get better on its own. This is true for any relapse, but I think it might go doubly true if there is a psychological barrier, as there might be for you with that dreaded 3 month mark.
     
  16. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber New Member

    Very interesting, and i fully believe this can work. I wrote a similar topic about watching porn without getting aroused to end porn addiction.

    The point of it is rewiring certain experiences, and that's why it works. Whatever your problem/addiction was, as soon as you can do the same thing in a different way, your brain stops working in absolutes and it lets go of bad behavior.

    This is called Cue Exposure and it works even on heroin addicts.

    It's the only thing that can permanently cure an addiction.
     

Share This Page