I started to develop a crush with a girl I worked with. I wanted to get to know her more, and I asked if she hung out with this one guy I knew. She said she did, and that she liked him a year ago and sent him nudes. She thought it was funny when he asked her for head. He ended up leaking her nudes to his friends who leaked it to the entire school. She said she was still good friends with him. At this point, I was confused. I thought if as a guy, if you acted very sexually, you were thought as a creepy outcast? The weird thing is that whenever I would’ve texted her and asked her about how her relationship was going with her ex-boyfriend (current during the time), she said that she hated all guys and said that all guys like me care about is sex. I was shocked when I read that, and told her my culture doesn’t allow me to be hyper sexual, but she didn’t care and said it didn’t matter because I was a guy. I eventually revealed my true feelings for her and she considered dating me for a while. One day while we were working, I accidentally slipped out, “I’m actually not comfortable with physical contact of any kind” She immediately responds, “that’s good to know.” For me it was very uncomfortable because I was getting bullied during middle school and one time I got choked, so whenever I thought about physical contact, I associated it with harm. Later she texts me saying we wouldn’t work out, and that she needs physical contact to know that she matters. She started dating another guy, and I became pissed. I started getting very addicted to porn, more so than I already was. I associated porn with what I needed to learn to please a girl, so I used that as a justification to keep watching it. When in reality, it just made me miserable.