My approach

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Paproach, Oct 10, 2013.

  1. Paproach

    Paproach It aint easy being sleezy

    Hello to my journal

    Porn is a personal problem I want to resolve. I want balance in my sex life. My sex life is Porn! No balance. No sex life. My mind is affected in a way that worries me.

    I have used this forum before under another username. I did lots of writing about my porn addiction. I tried to abstain, failed, moaned about failing, criticised myself, made progress, connected with others but I didn't really go through with anything. I didn't think I made progress so I quit. It has been difficult and upsetting when I have set goals, felt motivated, abstained up to 14 days and then used porn. I also went through a phase of doubt.

    I have been making progress in my life now I feel ready for a new approach. I want to do a 90 day challenge. There is lots in the media at the moment about porn use, the effects on the brain, science of porn etc. Its quite new really if you think about history. This forum has hundreds, maybe near thousands of users now. I'm going to get involved, its probably best to learn and communicate with people that have done it, are doing it, trying it, succeeding, failing, discovering... overcoming

    Papproach
     
  2. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    Welcome back. Wish you well.
     
  3. Paproach

    Paproach It aint easy being sleezy

    My focus has been on challenging myself. The idea of 90 days no PMO which I have never done is motivating because it's positive. I'm concentrating on the benefits and the achievement rather than restricting or suppressing myself. Also not obsessing about the forum because this is my challenge. I want to share and connect but the main focus at the moment is rebalancing and overcoming the habit that has caused me much distress in my thoughts and feelings.

    I have been sleeping a lot. My brain clearly needs rest and time to recover. I am pleased with my two weeks without PMO. Ill continue on this.

    Papproach
     
  4. friction

    friction New Member

    in my opinion, you just shouldnt advertise a day to stop and be able to masturbate again, so saying 90 days no Mo or Pmo, is doing just that.

    i think you should just invision each day free from that, let it leave your life like an ex.
     
  5. Paproach

    Paproach It aint easy being sleezy

    I managed to not pmo for 24 days. It felt good because I beat my record. On Monday I decided to masturbate, no porn or thoughts of porn. It felt good and I felt OK about it, quite pleased with the change and not too bothered that I intentionally forgot my challenge. On Wednesday and Thursday I was on the porn sites pmo'ing to videos- shooops! Now I feel that unpleasant guilty crap but I will not go back into a cycle. I received a message about an orgasm spreadsheet and I'm considering this approach. I'm a bit upset with myself for obvious reasons.

    I would like to leave it like an ex. I think completing a 90 day challenge would be a great personal achievement. Porn is in my brain big time I really want to reduce the bad impact it has on me. It feels damaging.
     
  6. HerrOin

    HerrOin Member

    Don´t be upset. It won´t help you. Instead try to process the emotions, that is far more helpful from my experience. Personally I exercise and meditate and I have been thinking about starting to produce music with I haven´t done for years. Whatever you choose I can guarantee is more helpful and developing for you rather then feel guilt about your relapse.

    Anyways. Good luck on reaching 90 days. I will get there some day myself and I know I can do it and so can you.

    Stay strong!
     
  7. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    Papproach many guys report that MO leads to PMO. the MO probably primes the dopamine pump and feeds the addiction. during a reboot you might need to avoid MO.

    you went 24 days that's good progress. don't fall into shame because that feeds the addiction. you did good and will do better this time.
     
  8. Paproach

    Paproach It aint easy being sleezy

    I feel quite low and de-motivated in general. I have had conflicting ideas about PMO and thought that my problem isn't "that bad" but its gone back to more than once a day and quite impulsive. It seems my motivation and willpower are down so I don't feel at all positive about "challenging myself"
     
  9. Paproach

    Paproach It aint easy being sleezy

    brain fog

    I am spacing out over my porn addiction and its definitely having a weird effect on me. I will not pmo for 3 days and try to gather my thoughts. (the plan is to go longer, small steps)

    While in pmo I had a niggling thought in my head saying I should stop, I didn't. I wonder if other guys have had this.

    I am going to be more dedicated to recovery. It can be a good thing. Am I restraining some inner beast that just wants to watch porn and wank alone? Orgasm is so intense, watching porn gets me there and feels so good I don't know why but my brain wants it regardless of the way I feel afterwards. Im very anxious lately, been socially anxious a long time but it has been worse lately. A lonely weirdo of some sort.
     
  10. BigPete

    BigPete New Member

    Hang in there! :) just find pleasure in the fact that you are literally healing your mind by abstaining from porn. Look for new opportunities to explore and experiences in your life. Search and find true happiness not the artificial smiles and hollow bodies of pixelated images. The warmth of true love can save any man from the depths of any hole he has dug for himself, thus seek it out. Not sex, love, there is a difference. I cannot begin to explain how love has changed me, as a hopelessly flawed man. Knowledge, passion, understanding are all things that can save anyone, raise hope for a lost dream. Clear your mind, working out hard always works for me or just sitting somewhere alone and peaceful to think. You cannot give up on yourself, because yourself is all you have, it is the most valuable thing in the world. Stay strong, be productive and expand your horizons.
     
  11. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    Ejaculation can become addictive in itself.

    BigPete's post about the power of love is awesome. When you expand your horizon with love the world changes.
     
  12. Paproach

    Paproach It aint easy being sleezy

    I haven't used porn since my last post when I was feeling very bad. I have been reading other posts and the replies in my journal have helped me gain some clarity. I cant just focus on reaching days without porn as if gaining numbers is the holy grail to overcoming my porn problems. So here is some of my new focus and insight.

    I need to reboot and rebalance so abstinence is still a goal. I am working on healing my mind because there is a lot of muddle in it. I want to re-arrange the mess/distress. It can indeed be pleasurable to know that I am improving myself. Most of this change is to improve myself and be able to be OK with not using porn being at ease with my feelings -love myself man!. I understand how intense the stimulation is and my porn habit is understandable because of how pleasurable it is. Carry on with my reboot and carry on building insight into my decisions and focus on the peace I desire and the freedom from feeling trapped in a bad cycle. Leaving porn like a troublesome ex.

    If I can work out how to set up a spreadsheet I might do. Thanks for the input it is so valuable.
     
  13. Paproach

    Paproach It aint easy being sleezy

    I have learned that the way I reach orgasm is through masturbating. When I first discovered this as a young teen I did not care how or why it just felt amazing so I continually did it. I have had sex in the past but not for a few years now. I've been masturbating and orgasmering to porn for near 5 years. I started to feel negatively confused/ upset with myself about a year ago. It started to feel like an addiction I suppose. I don't like using the word addiction, I really don't.

    I have realised that it is the images in my brain that are giving me this massive pleasure, understandable because porn is very psychological and sexually intense. Why try to connect and find sexual relations if I can get it whenever and however I want from the net, tons of different pornos. Again the habit is understandable. It's dreadful to feel ashamed and upset about something but still keep doing it, it brings on self doubt and self anger, for me it has and this is a big reason for me to change it. I will hold on to the compassion for myself because like others have said "shame feeds the addiction" (really don't like saying that word :s) and it is understandable why It is hard to stop something I have been doing for years that has continually given me massive pleasure and all the rest.

    When I think, its sad to be sat at home, alone masturbating, I don't have many friends, no girlfriends, and I'm socially anxious. Maybe the porn habit is the reason, whatever, two different things that feed into my perceptions. So I'm looking forward to overcoming the muddle in my head and the strange cycle of pmo. I know it is a part of me that needs mending because it affects me in many ways - seeing women with a porn filter, feeling embarrassed about sexuality, upset, ashamed and all that. It is hard to abstain but I know I can and I will start addressing other areas in life separately because I need more reasons to feel good about myself and activities as well. I'm always indoors!
     
  14. Paproach

    Paproach It aint easy being sleezy

    Hardwork

    don't let nothing distrub your peace of mind

    I am trying to overcome myself. The thoughts I have about porn are bad. So I am going to remind myself that its not bad, its perfectly normal. Porn videos- A part of society that's there, tempting and feels good to watch and wank to. The problem is that it seems to be the only really good stimulation when my life is quite boring. And then im hard on myself for doing it. fuk that
     
  15. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    It's not really normal. Please don't buy into that. Your past is just a trail you left behind. You don't have to beat yourself up. But you also don't need to minimize P. Porn messes you up. And it makes you feel more bad than good. It's not good stimulation. It's poor stimulation. Shame is no good. And neither is rationalization. You are doing good. Keep the peace.
     

Share This Page