My Accountability Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Listener, Aug 22, 2021.

  1. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 78

    Another day at work. In the morning I had a therapy session. Safe to say I have a lot to work on. I found it difficult to focus in the afternoon and I feel quite anti social. Another day down.
     
  2. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 79

    Had a nice 4 mile run in the morning. Somewhat irritable most of the day. Nice evening with friends. Good progress overall for today.
     
  3. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 80

    Had a nice day trip to the city with my housemate and went to see a play. Felt pretty good, had a very intense dessert. Not many urges or thoughts as I was out most of the day.
     
  4. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 81

    Had a nice day today. Saw a colleague for coffee, did some chores around the house. It's easy to forget to pay attention when days feel pleasant - pain demands more presence. I was a little anxious in the evening, but not too bad.
     
  5. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 82

    Decent day at work, nice run in the morning. Saw a friend for dinner and now going to a party. Emotions weren't too strong today.
     
  6. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 83

    Fairly tired today, struggled to get up early. Productive during the day though feeling way less excitable. Ready for bed.
     
  7. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 84

    Ok day at work, though still not very excitable. A friend cancelled on me which made me feel heavy, but baking a pumpkin pie helped me take my mind off it.
     
  8. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 85

    Another day spend mostly tired though moderately productive. I've taken on too many projects to cover up the insecurity and emptiness I feel inside. It should get better from next week. This is not a sustainable way to be, just like PMO wasn't.
     
  9. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 86

    Standard day at work. Had a drinking event in the evening. It's very tempting to hide my issues with alcohol. Alas, that's also not long term sustainable.
     
  10. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 87

    It's hard to believe I'm getting close to 90 days. I will reflect more on the wider journey when I get there. Today was ok, mostly a busy day. Had some nightmares but not too tired; went for a run in the afternoon; had sex in the morning. I've been getting better at lasting a comfortable time.
     
  11. Krebs

    Krebs Active Member

    Seems like you are making progres. Keep going!
     
  12. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 88

    Thanks Krebs! Abstaining from PMO is only a better background to wider improvement, but it's certainly helping. Today was ok, tired from the whole week but not too bad.
     
  13. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 89

    I didn't sleep well last night so had a tired morning. My afternoon was even worse, lots of negative thoughts and heaviness. However, in the evening I went to a bar on my own and got a nonalcoholic drink. It was nice to do something on my own, just for my own enjoyment.
     
  14. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 90

    Made it to 90! Feels unceremonious as I've just had a normal work day. I'll reflect more on the last 3 months over the weekend. For now, I recognise much more that I need to do, but I am glad I've made it this far.
     
  15. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 91

    Ok day at work. I had a call with a doctor this morning and they prescribed me antidepressants. I'm hoping those will give me a baseline to work on the rest of things I need to improve.
     
  16. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 92

    Good day at work, gave a presentation. Went to a debate after work which was fun. I haven't been in many social situations with strangers recently, in small doses it's quite nice.
     
  17. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 93

    Decent day today. Fairly productive, good debating event in the evening. Felt a little tired. Went running in the morning.
     
  18. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 94

    So, what have I learned in 3 months of no PMO?

    First, it's been quite a stressful time. This is mostly because of other personal and work stuff, but not having a numbing coping mechanism didn't help.

    Second, having things to do helps. I over did this a bit and took on too many projects, but in general picking up new hobbies and focusing on other interests helped.

    Third, refraining from masturbation and porn is not the solution, only a means to an end. It has allowed me to spend that time doing more useful things and given me a better mind state for improvement.

    One day at a time.
     
  19. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 95

    Fairly relaxing day today. Went to a yoga class, did some meal prepping, made pancakes. Felt reasonably stable.
     
  20. Listener

    Listener Active Member

    Day 96

    Pretty decent day today. Most of the day at work, had dinner with some friends. Nice and sunny as well. A little bit stressed but manageable.
     

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