Day 60 Two thirds of the way to 90 days! Today was a nice day, I did a lot of meal prepping for the week ahead and called a friend. My emotions are stabilising a bit, though not completely. I had pretty bad acid reflux today which wasn't great. I also recognise thinking patters within me which lead to my old PMO behaviours. Choosing not to act on them is more important than trying to pretend they don't exist.
Day 61 I felt tired throughout all of today, fairly certain I have a cold coming on. I rested in the late afternoon and evening and my housemate has been very kind and helpful. I deserve to relax sometimes - everything is going to be ok.
Day 62 Still ill today, spend most of the day in bed resting. Fairly horny during some of the day, but avoided all artificial stimulation. Another day closer to breaking old habits.
Day 63 Another day mostly in bed, though apart from fatigue and lots of coughing I felt better than yesterday. I had a counselling session and talked about my last relationship and the importance of expressing emotions. Lots of work to do, but it's worthwhile.
Day 64 More coughing but back to work today. More complex emotions cropping up now that more complex situations occur, e.g. when there are loud noises outside. I need to learn to cope better.
Take care of yourself. Physical illness significantly reduces ability of your mind to cope with emotional challenges.
Day 65 Thanks Krebs, you're absolutely right. It's easy to have lots of lying in bed and feeling bad turn into being harsh on oneself or into having negative emotions. Today was ok, still lots of coughing but managed to get some work done. Had an event in the evening but didn't interact with others much as I was feeling a bit tired.
Day 66 Today I spent most of the day with my sister. It was nice to do sightseeing with her and the like. Everything will be ok. I still have issues with intrusive thoughts, issues with lasting longer, and handling my emotions. However, I am proud of the progress I've made.
Day 67 Fairly nice but tiring day today, spent more time with my sister before she left, called some friends, watched some Netflix. Occasionally I still get jolts of guilt, but observing them rather than dwelling on them helps. Still quite tired from the cold.
Day 68 I felt awkward at work today and ate my lunch alone. In the evening I didn't feel great, I was easily upset and down. A little bit horny though tired at the moment. Time for some sleep.
Day 69 You're right Krebs, I gotta take responsibility for what I do and learn to process emotions better. Today was ok, lots of work, so not much space for negative emotions. Got a handjob in the afternoon which was enjoyable.
Day 70 Full day at work today, finishing a project. Quite tired now. I realised working makes me avoid my emotions. I don't know why I'm afraid of them and throw myself into work, but I do. Definitely more to think about there when I'm less tired.
Day 71 Bit of a meh day, but we move on. Lots of work, some meetings, felt pretty empty. Better times will come.
Day 72 Felt down in the morning but better for most of the day. Went to an event in the evening which was nice. Moving forward.
Day 73 Fairly chill day today, went for a run and had a work shift. A little feeling down in the afternoon but the run helped. Physical activity is important.
Day 74 Another fairly nice day. Some work in the morning, called friends in the afternoon and evening. Everything will be ok; every day is progress.
Day 75 Basic day at work, pretty cold outside but went for a run in the afternoon which helped. Had good sex in the evening. Sometimes struggled to wish others well for their achievements.
Day 76 I got pretty frustrated in the morning with bureaucracy and building works. The afternoon was better except for a short period when I felt sad. The evening was ok. In some ways I think PMO was about hurting others when I feel hurt, and the thinking patterns leading to it are still within me. Learning to detach from them has been an important part of my recovery.
Day 77 Felt relaxed most of the day, though slightly down in the afternoon. Saw some friends which was nice. Still getting used to seeing attractive people in the media without getting distracted by sexual thoughts.
