My 13 y/o nephew watches porn, should I talk to him?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Gil79, Aug 16, 2021.

  1. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Hi everybody,

    a week ago I had my family visiting me: my sister, her boyfriend, and my 2 nephews (13 and 16 y/o). My nephews were joking a bit and all of a sudden the oldest started talking about the browser history of the youngest . . . yeah that kind of history. My youngest nephew said that he watches porn and that he's not ashamed of it. I told him that porn is for 18+ and that there is a reason for it. He proudly explained that it is easy to watch it anyway and that everybody in his class does it. My sister was kind of shocked and didn't know what to say. Her boyfriend was suspiciously silent. The conversation went on with mainly a lot more joking between my nephews.

    But ofcourse I feel terrible about this this. On the one hand I think it is normal that he has this interest, but on the other hand I don't want him to get hooked, addicted and suffer from all the problems that may come from porn use. I am not sure what to do? I am his 42 y/o uncle. Should I talk to him and share my own experiences and/or tell him what happens when you watch porn. I am just not sure how he would feel if I did and whether it would only create distance between me and him.

    Any advice is appreciated.

    Gil
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  2. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Is your sister's boyfriend the kid's father? Maybe it would be a good idea to talk to him first (since he was suspiciously silent he may even have had similar thoughts).

    I never was in this situation, so take it with a grain of salt. I'm not saying there can't be any downsides: The conversation will probably be awkward and like you said, it might create distance between the two of you (at least for a while). But in my opinion the potential benefits far outweigh the potential downsides. The potential downsides are years misery, PIED, lack of confidence and motivation and so many more.

    If an uncle of mine had talked about it when I was 13, I don't know how I would have reacted. I probably would have continued anyway. But at least I would have had this thought in my head when the first problems with PMO occurred (but when I wasn't aware of the connection yet). And I think at the latest in my early 20s I would have been very grateful to this uncle.

    I can't really comment on how you should do it. I think it would be a bad idea to explain it to him from a moral point of view, and a much better idea to describe your own experience. It may be a good idea to point him towards the youtube channels of Gabe Deem and Noah Church. Both are young guys who started at an early age and experienced the dangers of porn before they were 20. On YBOP I found this link that covers how to talk to your kids about porn. I didn't read it, but maybe you can find something helpful.
     
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  3. DoneAtLast

    DoneAtLast Well-Known Member

    If it was me, I'd be going through the videos/materials available now and finding a list of stuff for him to watch, like what Luke mentions. There is also Gary Wilson's Tedx talk which has aged well even though it is 10 years old at this point. I haven't kept up too much on what is out there, but hopefully there are some good run-downs. I hope there are some gen Z people that can talk about this as well, though I just haven't been keeping an eye on this stuff all that much.

    Part of me imagines that a 13 year old would be freaked out by his uncle talking to him about porn, but then again when I was 13 I wasn't watching porn and no one at school was talking about it, except as the occasional juvenile joke. I remember one person saying "if they're old enough to watch it, they're old enough to talk about it", and I have to keep that in my head sometimes. It might not be as awkward for him to talk about as one might think, especially if he seemed okay joking about it in front of his brother and mother and father/mom's boyfriend.
     
  4. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Today I actually came across a topic about why children can’t stop looking at porn, why it’s bad for them and how adults can talk to them about it. Several great blogposts imo.

    moralrevolution.com

    Can’t link you the exact link because my phone blocks everything when I type the word ‘porn’ haha.

    from personal experience I would have loved if adults warned me about porn with the knowledge we have now. It was always from a moral/religious point of view, which just made me feel bad and guilty. But if my parents were able to explain what happened to my brain and that it would lead to ED. I probably would’ve connected the dots earlier and seeked for help sooner.

    I hope this helps you. Good luck!
     
  5. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Hey @-Luke- , @DoneAtLast and @BoughtWithBlood, thanks for your replies. I think you guys are right and that it is important that at least I get the message about the risks to him. Also I see your points that eventhough he might not like my message (at first), he might be benefit from it at some point. Her boyfriend is not the father, but maybe it is good that I talk to them as well. Also because it is really difficult to find any 'easy to read or watch' content about this topic in Dutch (at least for the attention span of a 13y/o). YBOP is in Dutch, but that is really more material for my sister and her BF to read to be updates on the topic.

    OK, I will keep you updated.
     
    DoneAtLast and Finally here like this.

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