MR J: Battling Porn Addiction for 3 years, I will never give up.

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Mr J, Apr 18, 2014.

  1. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    It sounds as though you have a great girlfriend who is loyal and very understanding of your difficulties. I salute your bravery for doing the right thing and telling her about your addiction, you need somebody close by to keep you in check. It lightens the burden a little.

    I would encourage you to spend more time if you can away from your PC just to allow you to build some momentum. Taking these first baby steps can be difficult but keep trying and eventually you will look back to find that spending a day or two free from porn is easy.
     
  2. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Yeah she's amazing >.< To be fair the few girls I have told before about my issues have been pretty cool about it, it's just I've been proper in-depth in information and personal struggles with my current GF. She gets really sad when I'm messing up but is always supporting me.

    Yeah I know, its almost like the internet is a comfort-zone activity, you feel like you're being productive (I watch a lot of youtube personal development stuff) but really half the time I think its an excuse to avoid engaging in anything more difficult, or more uncomfortable.

    I do go to the gym and do some partner dance classes but I do with more hobbies I guess, I'll have a think :)

    Mr J
     
  3. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Congratulations for meeting your first goal!
     
  4. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Thank you mate! :D

    Day 3

    Keeping on rolling with my progress, had a P style dream this morning, which I told my girlfriend about when I woke up. I see this as an addiction trigger and my brain trying to throw P back into my life in any way possible by creating a trigger like that.

    However, I woke up told her it was horrible and went into the bathroom and splashed my face with freezing cold water, which is what I like to do to wake up quickly.

    Aside from this feeling okay, although my mood is all over the place. I had a good gym session earlier and now doing some assignment work after writing/replying on here :)

    Next aim is for Day 5.


    Mr J
     
  5. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Day 4

    The cravings begin.

    I don't usually like doing this sort of things, but I felt ill out of the blue last night and a little anxious at the moment, so I'm taking safe amounts of cocodamol to ease me though any short-term withdrawals, although it will help my physical symptoms a little, my flashbacks will have to be ignored.
    The best accompaniment to my recovery is the internet filter on my laptop and no access to a smartphone, this leaves me free to deal with my flashbacks and unpleasant feelings without fearing relapse.

    My girlfriend is being a star again, she said to stay at her place whenever I'm feeling especially crap so I jumped at it tonight and we're going out socializing later which should be fun.
    Aside from this I've been meditating most days and getting my girl to do this with me, which she likes. Although we only do 10 mins, I usually do 20 but it's all useful :)

    Looking forward to completing my challenge of 5 days and moving on to my challenge of 7 days.

    Mr J
     
  6. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Day 5

    All mood swingy and shit.

    Managed to get the minimum amount of work to my assignment done, but it's progress I guess.

    Had the biggest cravings yet to slip up today, without a doubt had my laptop not got K9 on it and had I been at home I would have messed up.

    Reset my goal for 7 days now, that's the next milestone.
    Once I've achieved that I'm treating myself to a smoothie maker :)

    Much love

    Mr J
     
  7. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Day 6

    Strongest cravings yet all last night, I've been at my girlfriends for a couple of days which has helped but on my own unable to sleep for a couple of hours was miserable. I was basically rolling around ignoring the constant flashback of P images.

    This morning I had a P related dream for say the last 15-30 minutes before I woke up, but I couldn't really do anything about this until I woke up.

    Today is the day my assignment is in this afternoon, so putting my stress to the back of my mind, I'm going to go into uni and put the final touches to it.

    Peace

    Mr J
     
  8. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Ok I cheated a little bit.
    Just got my smoothie maker already and made some healthy smoothies mmmmmm.
    Keep getting flashbacks today, not very fun :(

    In other news I've finished my last piece of university coursework EVER. Scary waiting for results.
    Now just have a few exams and I'm done for good.

    Little bit overwhelming taking all this in mid-recovery though, I'm trying to keep my stress levels down as much as possible.

    Mr J
     
  9. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Can't sleep and it's the middle of the night.

    This is without doubt the hardest shit I've ever had to do in my life my cravings have been immense for about 10 hours, and its even crazier because I can't "fix".

    Without doubt without my internet filter has saved my ass when I would not otherwise have been able to control myself.
     
  10. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Day 0

    Back to basics.

    6 days and 20 hours into my recovery, my cravings became too much to handle. I was up for more than half of last night because I was so restless and could not sleep.
    Which left me browsing the web, nothing to do and no one to talk to.

    I'm confident I can do even better than this.
    But time ease myself gently back in on Day 0.

    New goal; 3 days.

    Mr J
     
  11. plateau325

    plateau325 Never Give Up!

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Best of luck Mr. J! This will be the hardest thing we've ever overcome and accomplished, but it will be done, there's no doubt about that.

    If you feel like you can't sleep before bed find other activities that will calm your mind. Listen to audiobooks or do some meditation that will ease the mind and soothe you.

    Here is a link that other members have reported works when trying to sleep.

    http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/sleep-technique

    Never give up bud! we can do this!
     
  12. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    I'm sorry to read of your relapse, Mr.J, but look on the bright side you have gone from struggling to spend 1 day away from porn to 6, now that's an achievement! I have no doubt that next time things will get easier for you as a result of your period of abstinence. Stay strong!
     
  13. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Agree brother. We are in the best company to do it.

    That's cool I do meditate but I didn't even attempt it this morning when it might have helped.

    Thanks man appreciate that so much.

    Mr J
     
  14. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Absolutely! Strengthening the willpower and I know what works for me now too to get through the first few days.

    Told my girlfriend this afternoon and she was really supportive and told me if I'm craving like a bitch I should just ring her and as long as she's not doing anything really important she will talk to me/come hang out with me so make sure I'm not alone and screwed.

    Mr J
     
  15. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Day 1

    Not really done anything today, just watched Star Wars (May the 4th ya know). Going to see my girlfriend in a few hours too :)
    I have a problem with food I think, I tend to emotional binge on junk food to solve depression/boredom and it can't be doing me any good after probably 6 years of this now. Need to sort that out.

    Mr J
     
  16. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Do be on guard for peckish situations. Sublimation to the dopamine rush can also lead you on the path to relapse. In addition, facing the truth of whatever is causing you to binge on junk food is the same kind of mindset you are trying to achieve with porn. We're essentially working to wake ourselves up to reality not to mask it with artificial stimulation.
     
  17. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    For the longest time I've junk food to cope with low mood and stuff I will have to change it.
    Just messed up an hour ago, feeling kinda crappy because I'm letting my girlfriend down now. She won't say it but I know she is starting to think it. It's just so annoying because I love her but my brain loves my addiction more it seems :/
     
  18. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    I hope you feel better. What were the circumstances that lead you to relapse?
     
  19. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Horrible horrible binge day. Had two "sessions" which probably lasted about 8/9 hours put together what a WASTE of a day.
    Umm I'm not sure you know I find it hard to break these things down.
    It always starts with some element of Bored Lonely Angry Stressed Tired (BLAST) Come to think of it all of them come in to play.

    Boredom comes about throught depression and finding activities dull compared to porn.
    Loneliness can be dealt with to a good extent - this is a strong one.
    Anger can be calmed to an extent.
    Stress - I find it difficult to curtail my stress sometimes, this is one I need to work on.
    Tired - I get plenty of sleep but on day 6 last decent reboot, I got vicious insomnia and was bored and alone and stressed to that lead to relapse.

    This time it was more mechanical like a process I don't think about. Like a hard set routine
     
  20. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Re: Mr J; burning the boats and transcending my addiction

    Sorry, I didn't know. In order to become more aware of the trigger situations, one thing that you may find is helpful if you have not tried it already is to practice the mindfulness of breathing meditation. The awareness of your thoughts and emotions that you learn to cultivate during the meditation can be carried forth generally in your life. With some practice you will be able to identify which trigger is causing the urge to look at porn and respond appropriately to it. If you know boredom is inducing arousal in one case; for example, respond by engaging in an activity that you enjoy.
     

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