Moz journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Mozenjo, May 22, 2014.

  1. badger

    badger Active Member

    Moz,
    i'm 66 years old so i feel your pain. i am still struggling but still fighting it. you nailed it on the head-its an unhealthy pattern. i have found for me everything i do is a pattern that is ingrained for years. so i figure, set new patterns for myself. healthy ones. simple but not easy. hang in there.
     
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  2. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Have you tried radically altering what you eat? Now that I'm off dairy and sugar I feel a lot more engaged with myself physically. Nothing is a panacea for all ills, but every little bit helps, I think. How's your thyroid? I found out a year ago that mine was low and now I take a little pill.

    It's definitely P that is keeping you from enjoying sex. I used to have that worry, too. Once I was 6 months off of P I was able to maintain a good erection and cum easily. As the old saying goes "neurons that fire together, wire together." Once you wire to a real person only it is astonishing what takes place; even when you're over 60.
     
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  3. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Thanks Badger. You are so right. It's so simple in theory. Just don't do something that's bad for you.
     
  4. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Hey Saville, I've made some adjustments, mainly due to my girlfriend's influence, but I wouldn't say the changes are radical. I cut way down on sugar, but have not completely eliminated it. As for dairy, I've been drinking nonfat milk since I was a kid (yeah, Mom got us on it), and don't have much cheese. I don't know; my diet seems OK to me. I think my thyroid's OK, since last year when I checked myself into the ER when I thought I might be having a heart attack (I didn't), everything except for my cholesterol was in the normal range.

    Yes, I would enjoy sex more if I didn't always have to be prepared with a pill in my pocket. That sucks. And the headaches I sometimes wake up with are no fun either.
    My current goal is to stay clean until our next trip (for her birthday). That's 3 weeks from now. Not even the basic 30 days, but with my current history, I'll take it.
     
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  5. Cali

    Cali Member

    I feel the same way Moz! I do not want to continue in this cycle of beginning to heal and then failing; never healing my brain and experiencing life without my porn crutch. The repeated failures are preventing us from experiencing intimacy the way nature intended.
     
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  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a plan! :)
     
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  7. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Yes, Cali, it's tempting to think of our "nature" as being what we have done all our lives. But that is certainly not always the case. It is not our nature to be porn addicts. We are meant to be what our higher selves know we can be. Free.
     
  8. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I took the alternate route to work yesterday. It may take a whopping 5 minutes more to go that way, but it's a much more satisfying drive. Since I've been here on this journey, there are so many things I've learned about what may help get me out of this rut. One of them is to break the pattern of other, "innocuous" ruts that form the course of each day. If I can't escape the shackles of my job, caring for my pets, supporting my kids, and the myriad other obligations of life, I can at least modify the structure of my day, if even a tiny amount, so that my brain knows that change is possible, and necessary.
     
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  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I love this!
     
  10. badger

    badger Active Member

    building new roads, in my brain. old, well traveled filthy ones must be avoided.
     
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  11. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Feeling good and trying to remind myself daily of why I am here. It's about living life without the ball and chain of addiction keeping me down.
    Clean always feels good.
     
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  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I'm doing that as well, Moz. The journals are invaluable in that way. :)
     
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  13. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Sitting down to work and staying clean. I'm gonna power through this and if there are any urges (none so far), I'll walk away and redirect.
     
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  14. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Had a really good day yesterday. No porn, no alcohol, stayed focused on my work. Days like that give me the best reason ever for staying clean. It feels good!
     
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  15. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    I like this idea of making small changes to our routine to remind our brains that change is possible. Our negative habits weren't formed overnight. They came about after persistent repetition of acting out behaviors that leads us to believe we operate on 'autopilot'....but change IS absolutely possible - if we can learn bad habits, we can also learn new, positive habits.
     
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  16. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Yes we can, forlorn. As always, for me anyway, the biggest challenge is forming the habit to redirect my mental energy when the urges come on strong. This is the most important part of being successful. Moving past the usual "what the hell" syndrome when things get tough.
    I'm back to double digits, which is encouraging, but my vigilance was tested last night. I thought, "wonder if the gal I used to date has updated her Facebook page lately", and went there to find out. She almost never posts, and I absolutely do not either, so all this was of course was my brain trying to find an "acceptable" way to look at a picture of a woman. I immediately realized what I already knew would happen: I wanted more. So I logged off right away before going any further. If any dopamine was produced, it didn't translate into any activity downstairs, so I dodged a bullet. But, of course, I should not have gone there in the first place. I suppose I'll consider this a narrow escape and a slight victory under the circumstances. But -- and this is an important but -- this morning I've had to resist the urge to continue where I left off. I'm happy to say I have not done any viewing of any kind, and have focused on my work. Now it's time to take a shower and finish with a cold blast to hopefully finish washing away the residue, so to speak.
    Man oh man. This is work. But so worth it!
     
  17. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    When I first arrived at this site I still had a couple of women that I communicated with on a semi-regular basis via facebook. They were old female friends and I pretended that they were harmless. However, there was definite flirting going on. After starting to post here I realized that they were all part of my retinue of circling myself with stimulation. I defriended them and am now wary of all women: I simply don't trust them. For me, all women were targets of my sexual fantasies and so I have to keep all that stuff far away. As a serial cheater it was nothing for me to chat women online. That cheater, that dopamine fiend, is someone I never want to meet again.


    Totally, dude! :)
     

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