Moz journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Mozenjo, May 22, 2014.

  1. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Yes, the gaping maw of the addiction will swallow us up in an instant if we let it. I know the feeling well. I almost succumbed the other day. Today is all we have. Live life without the addiction, and we will make each day so much more fulfilling. I just now thought about what monks must deal with as they live lives of self-denial. It's the sense that, no matter how clean we try to be, there's still that nagging feeling that we are imperfect, and vulnerable to a fall. I think the happiest people (not just monks, of course) are the ones who are at peace with their humanity, and that being in the present and living with integrity is the best we can do on this earth.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2020
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  2. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Thank you Rugger! I'm trying.
     
  3. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I think the more we're willing to accept the imperfections and vulnerabilities of being human, we set ourselves up for being open to the amazing grace, beauty, and joy inherent in the spiritual side of things, Moz. When we run away from our imperfections and vulnerabilities via our addictions, we set ourselves up for a fall. Keep on truckin, Moz:)
     
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  4. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Very true. I think having a settles routine is a foundation to help deal with this, after that it’s a case of using other tools, such as following a program.
     
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  5. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Yes, Clovis, as I close in on 30 days, I see that number as significant only because I've been saying it's a goal for years now. But I realize that quitting for good means that it's only a number, and that staying off porn will mean continued development of whatever tools I have. And the development of new ones. You are already about 100 days further along than I am, and whatever you're doing, keep it up!
     
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  6. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Thanks NCBob. Truckin' along.
     
  7. Cali

    Cali Member

    Congrats on the 30 days Mozenjo!
     
  8. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Thank you Cali! Yesterday was otherwise pretty crappy, but saying no at the end of the day when I really wanted to just zone out to some P means I am getting better at this. It's about time. It reminded me of how this milestone is just a number, and that I have a lot of work ahead. But I will enjoy this today.
     
  9. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Ugh. I let myself indulge in some peeking last night. Against my better judgment, but it led to a predictable conclusion.
    Disappointed, but not going to kick myself too much. I know I can do this. It was a long time coming getting to 30, and I'm just going to do it again.
     
  10. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Yes, it's always disappointing when we have a slip. Obviously the goal is to make permanent changes but that 30 day stint was still an indication of progress. Pick up the pieces and carry on where you left off.
     
  11. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    It is indeed only a number. I’ve thought about taking the counter down but decided to late it up for the time being.

    As for whatever I’m doing, it’s trying everything other than the sheer willpower which I relied on in the past...and didn’t work. I’ve also been through more reboots than I care to remember. Still it doesn’t matter about what happened in previous reboots as long as I’ve learnt from them and get this one right.

    Keep going!
     
  12. Cali

    Cali Member

    Hey Mozenjo, I have never gone a month without my PMO fix, but I cannot imagine that the brain healing that occurred during that time is totally lost by one slip. I hope you are back on your reboot path to a better life.
     
  13. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    One slip doesn’t reset everything to zero, only a counter. I think that’s one of the reasons put forth not to use a counter, as we correlate slipping up with everything going back to zero, which then makes it more likely to go on a binge or to beat ourselves up about it - neither of which help.
     
  14. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all your support, guys. The PMO slip was followed by some edging, so starting over as of Friday night. It's so easy to fall back into it. I need to do what worked last time: post every day, and make the commitment count!
     
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  15. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Good idea. Review what worked last time, figure out what didn’t work - and then carry on.
     
  16. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Sliding down that slippery slope is so incredibly easy, Moz:)
    We just need to figure out a way to stay away from it, at all costs.
    Onward and upward!
     
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  17. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Man, this slope is killing me! I'm drawing a line in the sand right now.
    You're right, NCBob. We do need to figure out the way out of this madness. We were on the right track. Let's get back on that track!
     
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  18. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    The overwhelm from the day job has me in a really foul mood, which I'm trying to change. I think my mini-binge sent me into a funk that is spilling over into, well, the rest of my life. Attitude is everything.
    I'm starting Day 2, which should be day thirty-something. But, today will be clean, and for that I will be grateful.
     
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  19. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Funks will happen, that's for sure, Moz:) Focus only on today, and make it a great one!
     
  20. Rebootian

    Rebootian New Member

    Hey Moz. Experiencing the funk myself right now. It seems that with this slip you learned some lessons though. And like the others say the 30 day stretch was great!

    I certainly noticed a change in attitude with recent slips. I used to feel so helpless I could cry after a slip. But more recently I have taken time to calmly reflect, take notes, lean from what specifically led to it happening and firmly press on. It used to feel like the end of the world (as I'd be doing ot every other day) but slipping after multiple stretches of 30 days, one can hopefully see the bigger picture.

    Learning lapses rather than blind lapses is how I see it.
     
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