Moz journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Mozenjo, May 22, 2014.

  1. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    With any stirrings going on, an important time to be hyper-vigilant, Moz. What are you doing to child-proof your recovery?
     
  2. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Popping those bubbles whenever they appear.
    Just continuing my work. I have a deadline, which is causing some anxiety, and I'm sure that's partially responsible for the stirrings. Having some focus issues, which isn't unusual, but as you've noticed, I'm coming here a lot. Instead of going there.
     
    NCBob likes this.
  3. wareagle

    wareagle Member

    Keep it up @Mozenjo sounds like you have a lot going on so distractions from the urges should be fairly easy.
     
  4. Vanoli16

    Vanoli16 Member

    Great advice, whether you meant it to be or not, @Mozenjo
    Showing up here instead of going “there.” I’m stealing that for myself.
    Should have tried that yesterday.
     
  5. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I do have a lot going on, but my work involves sitting in front of this computer all day, so as long as I stay focused on the right things, I'll be fine. I know all too well that I could cash it in again in an instant, so being aware of that phenomenon, and how many times I've allowed it to happen is heavy on my mind. I know this will take concerted effort on many fronts. I've failed all these years because I don't put in the work. That is changing, and my plan is to make this time the last time. A tall order, I know. But doable.

    Thanks Wareagle! Good luck in your efforts.
     
  6. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I'm finding it's very therapeutic coming here and just relating what's going on. Today was somewhat challenging, but not too bad. There will likely be more daunting challenges ahead, but I'm trying to lay a good foundation.
    Yes, post more, Vanoli. It sure helps me!
     
    Kenny75 likes this.
  7. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Good to hear this, Moz. If nothing else, we need to be vigilant. Keep up your excellent efforts:)
     
  8. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Thank you. Got a ride in to work today, so no temptations. Makes me realize that when I was at the day job every day, my danger zone happened after dinner as I was winding down the day. So tonight I need to be aware of my pattern, and either just stay away from the computer altogether (which sounds good), or do what I did last night, which is focus on work and listen to music.
     
    wareagle and NCBob like this.
  9. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Keep an air-tight defense, Moz:)
     
  10. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    So far so good. I've know for a long time that this is the most vulnerable time, so I will send a few emails and sign off. Interesting how there were relatively few times when I would "use" during the day; by far the most common time for me to just say, "fuck it, I'm tired", is when I'm most tired. Right before bed. And then I would spend up to 2 hours surfing images to no avail and throwing in the towel and just ejaculating to an image in frustration, and waking up tired again because I didn't go to bed on time, and that whole next day would be a fog of exhaustion, regret and...you know. The vicious cycle. Vicious as in it chews me up and spits me out. How could I keep letting that happen over and over?
    Enough of that shit.
     
    Kenny75, NCBob and greenmt like this.
  11. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Indeed it is!
     
  12. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Good that you’re well aware that this is your most vulnerable time. I gives you the chance to plan accordingly.

    It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve let it happen over and over in the past, it’s what you do now that counts.

    Keep going!
     
  13. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Eventually, even a shit sandwich gets old, Moz:D
    Keep up your great efforts!
    And stay vigilant as shit:cool:
     
  14. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Love that quote!
     
    NCBob likes this.
  15. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    How goes your day, Moz?
     
  16. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    bump
     
  17. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    So the good news is this is the first time I've had a chance to log on to this damned box all day! Went in to work again and have just now gotten on to check in here and do maybe a half hour of work and then off to bed.
    No urges today. Staying busy is the best way to fend them off. They tend to hit when we're sitting around trying not to think of them. I'm still going to be here a lot in the coming months, so I'm not crowing or preaching, but today was solid, and I'm feeing good heading into tomorrow.
     
    NCBob likes this.
  18. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Glad to hear that you had a good day, Moz:) Being busy is a great way to keep our urges from taking root.
    Stay vigilant, my friend:)
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2020
  19. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Sounds good!

    Staying busy is a good plan. What I have found has really helped me this reboot is to both start busy and work on the addiction. I think that if we only start busy, then we don’t get to the underlying problem, which is then likely to resurface at some point in the future.
     
  20. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Day 11 is coming to a close soon. A few stirrings today, but just moving on. I'm really tired, so I think I'll just relax after dinner and stay off the computer. I don't want to give ANY power to the addict.
    It feels to good to be clean. It's been a crazy busy week, and I'm so looking forward to the weekend, but not going for any intentional searches for anything even remotely suggestive is very powerful. It's me practicing what I've been so bad at doing in the past: saying no when that decision to just have a small taste passes by my consciousness. The compulsion is so mindless, and autopilot so easy to let take over, that it will take many more days like these last 11 to develop the habit of NOT going there. Of it not being an option.
     
    NCBob likes this.

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