Moz journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Mozenjo, May 22, 2014.

  1. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    I get you. It's like a big ugly snarling monster that as long as you keep it locked behind a door with two sets of locks.

    As long as both locks are set -- our resolve to do nothing --- to thrive in monk mode no matter the stress, etc. we are safe.

    At some point we make a decision to let our guard down and release the first set of locks. We do that with the first peek. The first tug. The first story we read. Or whatever that little slip is. When the lock controlled by resolve is popped the other lock is controlled by the monster. Once we make that decision -- until we decide that it won't get out NO MATTER WHAT -- we are susceptible to the compulsion.

    And that compulsion is so hard to fight. Don't beat yourself up. Get the monster and all his things double locked. Get back to your resolve that GF is more important, that you can live through a little too much sexual energy and keep that fucker where he belongs!

    RD
     
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  2. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Thank you Rugger. Of course everything you said is true. Yesterday did not go so well, since I kept letting the compulsion break through my locks. Today begins with a deadline to meet and clients to go see. The side jobs were always bad for my resolve. Sitting here all day is never good. After this project, it's time to take another long break.
    Have a great day. Starting clean again. Feels like I'm starting from scratch.
     
  3. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Agree, I'm planning to cut down on Internet time. Spending time away from the Internet isn't going to kill us! Do you use a PC for your job?
     
  4. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Yes, I do for my side jobs, which I do at home. I use a PC at the day job, too, but there I'm not in danger of peeking. I don't even think about it there.
    So, since the rest of the month will require tons of PC time here at home, I have to rely on good ol' willpower. It's easier with some days behind me, so time to turn the computer off so I can log a full Day One. Woo hoo!
     
  5. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    good advice:)
     
  6. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    Moz, can you go to starbucks and do your work? I find that is a much better porn blocker than willpower, K9 or any other software. If being in a Starbucks surrounded by others won't stop you are way far gone! My Moz is NOT way far gone!

    I moved my "office" -- er, desk -- downstairs so that I didn't have my computer in the bed room with me. It has helped with work anxiety AND helped with keeping the temptation at bay ... have you thought about how to change that work environment when you are home? If you haven't you are just walking to the edge of the abyss every time you sit down to work. Change the environment. It doesn't have to be all that drastic. Just make it different and I bet it helps.

    RD
     
  7. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I would need a very powerful laptop to handle my CAD program, and I need to use a mouse. It would be difficult to do my work at Starbucks. But changing my routine is absolutely necessary, and you're right; it doesn't have to be super drastic. Last night I went to bed early instead of working. I was feeling vulnerable, and that never goes well. So now I'm up early, and I'm fine. Thanks Rugger.
    Day 3. Here we go.
     
  8. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    My resolve to push through the compulsion is not working. Why? What do I need to get past this? I stayed off the computer last night, but peeked on my phone. The bargainer keeps winning. I need to start winning. The bargainer is just the addict, and nothing else. He wins, I lose. Simple as that. 30 days will put me into mid-February. I'll be 61 by then.
     
    NCBob likes this.
  9. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Hey Moz, if you need to reach out in a moment of temptation, PM me:) Hard, if not impossible to do this by ourselves...
     
  10. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    You are absolutely right, NCBob. Can't do this alone. Thanks for being there. I'll be posting all weekend, since my butt is stuck here in this chair for the duration. Gotta get a project out, and if I don't rub one out in the process, I'll call it a success!
     
    NCBob likes this.
  11. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    @Mozenjo think about how you want to feel when you wake up tomorrow and the next time you see your GF. Be the person that ensures that's how you'll feel. Be that person ALL DAY LONG today!

    RD
     
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  12. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Stay focused, Moz! "A disciplined mind invites joy" - a quote from a book my daughter had given me - is a helpful reminder in this process:)
     
  13. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    So far, so good. Thanks Rugger. I want to wake up feeling good about myself. And since I couldn't see the GF tonight (she's sick), I got to recover a bit from last night's near fall. I decided that since I didn't go full PMO, I'd give myself a pass, but only if I am in total monk mode from here on out.
     
  14. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    "A disciplined mind invites joy" - that's the best thing I've heard in a very long time!. Thanks so much for that, NCBob!!!!
     
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  15. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    A great point, RD. Moving our mindsets from immediate gratification mode to long term vision mode is so important. I often struggle with this, simply because my reptilian brain is so brazenly powerful in seeking a dopamine hit RIGHT NOW!!! Slowing things down is key, so that we can step out of that mindset, and see much more clearly the ramifications of doing things impulsively.
     
  16. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Yep, not acting on impulse is the heart of this struggle in my opinion. Whether that impulse is driven by lust, depression, boredom, anxiety, you name it. We all have plenty of problems that our brains want an easy way out of. But of course, we are here because our brains continually convince us that it's worth the short term "gain". I'm struggling this morning, despite knowing what giving in would do. It would throw me into another cycle of regret and depression. Time to wake the fuck up and stop the madness.
     
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  17. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Keep posting, Moz. This helps slow things down, and creates an opportunity to choose differently:) PM me if you need to...
     
  18. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I will, NCBob. So far I'm winning. And you're right. Posting really helps! I'm stuck at the computer, and the good news is I'm also just a click away from coming here :) Talk about the right choice!
    Making good progress on my project. Just need to keep that momentum going. It's all about focus.
     
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  19. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    And about what we focus on:)
    Stay after it, Moz:D
     
  20. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    The GF is sick, which means the last two nights of not being with her, when I thought I would for at least one of them, has been disappointing. And with me working away all weekend, it's been a struggle. Some viewing last night was not satisfying. No surprise. The dick wasn't even responding. But thinking of this real person who I'm attracted to got things going real quick. I didn't O, though. Just wanted to see if my brain is making any progress or not. It is. For sure. I'm re-wiring. But I'm also making the process take much longer than it should. Ugh. So, resetting is the only thing to do, because I've been far from abstinent. This is the "I've fallen a bit down the mountain, but haven't crash landed" syndrome. It was coming, though. Back to the climb...
     
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