Still doing well. The SO wasn't feeling well Saturday, though we had a great time at dinner. The jazz trio was really good. Because of some meds she was on, she was pretty out of it when we got home, so no sex. But we cuddled and went to bed early. I did look at her picture yesterday, which I realize more than ever is not a good thing right now. It started me wanting to search for other pix, but after a few minutes of getting that going, I stopped and shut the computer off. I'm not going there! Working this morning (I work too much), and I will not look at pix. Man oh man. This is my first real test on this stretch.
Good on you! I know there are times when one just gets overwhelmed with what I call "the fever", but those times when we can say no and walk away we need to do that.
I had a really good day yesterday with the fiancee. We actually woke up together, which we usually don't do unless we're on a getaway. Then had a great day and had sex. The only bad part of it was that I couldn't stay hard. Managed to get it in, but he just couldn't sustain. I did pleasure her orally though, and that was very satisfying for both of us. After 2 pretty good weeks, I did look at some subs a couple of times, so it wasn't the clean streak I've been shooting for. Then last night, O'd to some pix. Not full on porn, but close enough. December was a good run, but not the truly clean one I need to have. I really have to prove to myself I can do it. Her birthday is next month. I'm going to make my goal no pix of any kind for 30 days.
Had a wonderful getaway over the weekend, and actually had sex twice in one day. I know, right!? But then, was alone all day Monday and cashed it in on a very unnecessary binge. First one like that in about a year. Had the P hangover yesterday, and if there was anything good that came of that experience, it's that I know I don't want to even think of going there again.
That sounds amazing. However, as you discovered, there are drawbacks to having too much of what you want. I liken it to food, because that's my other addiction. If you have one cinnamon bun, smeared in delicious frosting, with your afternoon coffee, you feel pretty good. If you indulge in two then you feel like a fucking loser, fat slob. After sex with the wife I ALWAYS want a second round. For the rest of the day I think about rubbing one out. The next feels problematic, as well...I to cum!! But, by day three my senses are back and I can easily hold off the allure of "wanting more."
Yes, it's possible that indulging like that somehow produced a super-charged chaser effect. And knowing I can still have sex also gave me a twisted sense of license to be reckless. A bad combination. So, working from home today, and needing to make it a clean Day 3.
Moz - I can totally relate to the "reckless" feeling of thinking you can indulge in PMO bc your ED has gone away. But ofc two things happen: 1. The risk of ED coming back is high 2. All of the other issues related to PMO also return Savor your victories in the bed room and grow from them! Don't let them be a rationale for relapse, as its an easy journey back into the cesspool of PMO.... Stay strong man!
Thanks path-forward for your great advice! I did a little viewing yesterday, but didn't go anywhere with it. Being stuck at home alone is a real challenge. I'm having a routine procedure done today, and afterwards will be couped up here again for the rest of the day. So I need to be more vigilant this time.
Moz. you are very welcome and good luck with your procedure! AND welcome to my life! haha. I have wayyy too much alone time on my hands. I also work from home in a part time gig that doesnt take much time these days. Im basically semi-retired. So its very hard for me not to peek at times. But its what I call OCD peeking these days. Very little chance it goes anyway. more like a way to check that I am strong. Kind of like how some guys need to see that their dick can get hard out of ED fears - but dont "plan" to go further. For me - my relapses these days are all around super strong emotional triggers/pain. Need to learn to fight them better
Thanks, p-f! For those of us who have had to clean out our pipes for the procedure recommended for people our age, the prep is way worse than the procedure itself. Thankfully, they knocked me out and I don't remember any of it. Though they probably asked me how things were going during the process, which is typical (I've had a few of these already). But when you "wake up", you don't remember anything. Right. Most of the time the "plan" is to have a quick fix and stop. That's not a plan that works. And even if we sometimes stop before going too far, the gate has been opened and we'll be falling back on that plan again and again. It's why we're here. Saville's post today about losing regrets really hit home for me. Your triggers may involve more than just regrets, but the takeaway can still be about losing the grip our pasts have on us. Keep fighting for that, my friend.
That is the hardest one for me too. The programing is strong and not easily left behind. Journaling and Meditation helps but it is a slow process so far.
Looks like I may be coming down with another cold. The fiancée is sick, so unless I stay away from her, it's up to my immune system. Ugh. My viewing habit was getting out of hand again, so I reset a couple of days ago. The slippery slope is still as slippery as ever, so the solution is to stay in the safe area and leave the damn slope alone. Duh.
So the success of a few weeks ago was followed by her being ill for awhile, and then me. Last night was the first time we've given it a go since then. Lots of food and drink, and still not feeling 100%, so wasn't able to keep it up. Ugh. Came home after brunch with her, and was tired and horny, so started looking at pics of her, and then caved and watched some porn. Then O'd to her picture. This is a bad habit that needs to stop now. I'm going to stay away from all pictures this time. It worked before, and it will work again.
Went almost 7 days without any pixels at all. No touching, no arousal, no nothing. And it felt great! I was definitely in some kind of flatline, so it wasn't all great. But welcome. I did some viewing yesterday, and being stuck working all day did not help. But I stopped, and rather than let myself spiral and jump back in, which is common, I stayed clean the rest of the day. So, if I have another one of those lapses, I'll reset. But I'll chalk this one up as good practice. I bent but didn't totally break. This is my chance to stay on the horse and not let my imperfections cause me to keep the cycle going. So, bring on the flatline, and to hell with the pixels!
great effort and insights! Proud of you my brother! And very inspirational for me. keep up the good work!
Thanks guys. So far so good. If ever there was a time where the "one day at a time" mantra rings true, it's today. There have been several moments when the thought of going there again have passed my consciousness (sitting in this chair doesn't help), and I'm letting those thoughts just keep passing through. Time to finish this coffee and get my ass outta here. Have a great day.
Just reset, since I looked at porn this morning. Staying away from it tonight, and will need to figure out how to keep my impulse control a bit more under...control.
