Often I do ride A to B, but I give myself the latitude not to. Yep, and he will be! Telling your gf that you were addicted to P did a number on you. Yes, the truth will set you free, except when it doesn't. I am in no way chiding you, btw. It could very well be that you needed to tell her so that you would get on your present streak of abstinence. I know that my wife finding out that I was cheating on her changed my behavior in a big way; sometimes we need a jolt. However, once we are figuratively exposed we need to find a way to readdress the balance in the relationship. What does that look like? For me it meant not having to be sorry about anything. I was practically born apologizing. Everything that went wrong, including the death of a family member when I was young, was a little bit my fault. This is why when we don't meet expectations in the bedroom we take on a burden that exceeds what's happening. It is almost impossible just to chill out enough so that we don't worry about our boner. The boner becomes less of an issue when we claim the right to be who we are. Here's a for instance. Yesterday the wife complained that me going to the gym was ruining the afternoon's schedule, because she wanted to go shopping and then to for drive in the country. I could've said in a reasonable tone "oh, you didn't convey that to me earlier in the day when we were eating breakfast together, or after when you went into the yard to do gardening." I knew that my wife had just suddenly decided she would like to go out with me and then tried to guilt trip me into doing her bidding. She would've thrown my reasonableness in my face. Now, there are times when I would be amenable to changing my plans, but I had "promised" myself that I would work out. I simply said "I can go for a drive after my workout, but I can't go shopping. See ya, hon!" And, out I walked out. Little moments like this allow me to hold onto my male power, my sense of who I am. If a woman loves and cares for us then they will understand, even if they don't like it. When we are the "good little boy" then our partner is always in the driver's seat. We also have to make love on our terms. That might mean ramming the cock in before the woman is lubricated. Sound heavy handed? Yes, it is, but it does something inside a man's mind. You are my woman, this is my right. In the wrong context that sentence sounds awful and is proof that males are indeed toxic. But, when we've been emotionally castrated we have to reestablish a balance. Your track record of a caring person is well proven, so a bit of brutishness is fine. Feeling your cock hurt from pinching, but not caring because you are on a mission, actually feels emotionally good. You are telling yourself: I matter. This is what I did. I also allowed myself to fantasize a bit, but I hardly needed to because the act of being a brute was freeing and it freed my wife too. In other words: while we have the boner we need to get thrusting, this precludes us getting into our heads. I am so pumped up by what you've accomplished, my friend. Great things are happening and even better things are on their way. Keep the faith!