Moz journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Mozenjo, May 22, 2014.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    A great intervention when you start to get steamed is going in for a hug. Hugs are perfect because they give us amnesia about why we're even mad. :)
     
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  2. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I'm happy to report that my week off with the gf/fiancée was just what we needed. It was therapeutic on many levels: relaxing (a quaint spot on the coast), some successful and very enjoyable sex (hallelujah!), good food, nice walks, reading together, naps (!). And of course, no visual stimulation besides her.
    Now I'm back in familiar territory, and as thoughts of peeking were floating around, I needed to come here to get grounded again.
    Oh, and Saville, there were a few instances where checking myself before reacting were very helpful. Followed by going in for a hug. And another :D
     
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  3. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    The ED hit again last night. I'm sure that performance anxiety is the cause. I've had this problem before, in more areas than sex. When I used to play tennis, I would often get into a self-defeating mode, where I would choke on the most routine shots. The racket just wouldn't feel right in my hands for some reason. A quick google search on this shows me that there are some basic techniques to keep from psyching yourself out. "Don't think about it" is a biggie. Get into a "flow" and just do it. Hard to just flip that switch, but I've gotta do something about this.
     
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yep, it's easy to psyche ourselves out. You had a great holiday away and now is a time to recharge your batteries. It isn't just a matter of age, but also allowing our natural rhythms to have their say. My wife offered me sex the other day and I said "no." I just didn't feel like boinking. I have sex every 7-10 days. In my mind I sometimes want it more, but honestly, that's just my hyper-sexualized brain asking.

    I don't think you have to do anything about it, Moz. You are already having successful coitus. Yes, do take the pressure off yourself and also give yourself some space to breathe.
     
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  5. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I've been looking at P-subs the last couple of days. Not good. This is the longest I've gone without PMO since being on this site, and I don't want to screw that up. But I'm heading in that direction and need an immediate course correction. This freight train can be stopped, and that effort starts with coming here. Most of my current run has been pixel free, and when I stray from that, I'm at risk. My brain is tricking me into thinking I need this to relax from my latest bout of ED. But this is not relaxation; it is just damaging. Why would I do that?
     
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You've got this! Just short of the 50 day mark is no time to have your eyes glaze over. You have a woman, use your bone for her.
     
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  7. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    I think I read it somewhere here on someones journal, that using the expression f... it or f... this shit when confronted with urges or feeling temptations or for something else, can be far more motivational and intentional then other positive exercises and I found it true for myself also.
    If you have temptations, maybe try it out.
    All the best.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2022
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  8. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Yep, leaving pixels alone today. Blaming my dalliances on anything other than my unwillingness to grow up is foolish.

    Thanks Libertad. I do say things like that to get myself out of the ritual, but what has worked for me this time around is doing it before beginning the ritual. I can't let that slip anymore, or I'll be at zero again.
     
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  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I'm stoked by what you're accomplishing, my friend.
     
  10. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Saville! You have helped me immeasurably, and I'm happy you're still here helping me and so many others.
    50 looks good, but it's been a rocky road. I'm still pulling out of my nosedive from a couple of days ago, fighting urges to peek at subs again. But I'm not going to do that. I'm not even going to look at pictures of the GF. I'll see her later today, so seeing her pixelated beforehand will not do me any good.
     
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  11. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I changed my signature to show where I am on things. The P-subs are a problem. I really must stop the pixels, or my brain is just not going to heal.
    I still feel hopeful, but I'm one click away from a full-blown relapse. And I really don't want that.
     
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  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    And you won't. This is your moment!
     
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  13. wintersturme

    wintersturme Member

    Keep going Mozenjo.!!!
     
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  14. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Saville and Wintersturme!
    Last night at the GF's place, we talked about our future. It will take time for her to trust me, since my confession to her was quite a shock. I have a feeling my recent ED issues are keeping that doubt alive. All I can do is keep working on myself, and that is one thing I admire about her: she is constantly trying to better herself as well. She knows I'm not perfect, but if I reassure her that I'm doing my best to take care of my issues, things will hopefully stabilize.
     
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  15. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Night before last the GF was frisky. Waiting until Saturday night doesn't always work when in the moment... Plus, last Saturday I wasn't really in the mood, so it had been a while. We were in a once-a-week (minimum) schedule for quite some time, and she wants to keep it that way. I do too, don't get me wrong, but as I assess where I am at this point, I see that it will take more time to get things under control. Meaning, no pixels! Hard mode, monk mode, no arousal (except with her). I know I've said these words countless times over the years, but staying away from porn is either a process of reducing the content to tamer and tamer stuff, or just cutting off any stuff at all. The latter is the ticket. I've gotten to the point where I'm super sensitive to the pictures, not in the sense that they turn me on so much as they set off warning lights in my brain. Yesterday I saw a picture of an attractive women with a low cut shirt in an article in the news, and I had to forcibly scroll away so as not to have that uncomfortable feeling of falling off a cliff.
    Anyway, back to my Tuesday night experience. I took some ED meds, but should have waited longer for them to take effect, as the dreaded phenomenon of getting hard and ready to go, only to have it shrink back to normal as I'm ready to do the deed, happened again. I know why. Looking at pictures Sunday night fucked me up. There must be no more rationalizing the content. If it fires the synapses, and the dopamine is rushing, it's porn. And it sets me back again. End of story. So, sure, I haven't PMO'd in almost two months, but to make real progress, where I can have a real sex life, means I must do the real work. This is why this is difficult. It's uncomfortable. I'm 3 days clean of anything. That's my real counter.
     
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  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Not to lessen your statement of conviction, but you have made real progress. I agree with what you wrote, but we must be just as quick to give ourselves credit. What you have and are accomplishing is amazing!
     
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  17. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    The boners will come. You were traumatized a couple of months ago in a huge way. I still have thoughts of not being able to "do the job," but I quickly dismissed them now, knowing they are just noise. If we can get a boner to P, and morning wood, then we can sustain ourselves while having sex. I have discovered more power in my loins than I would've thought and you will too.

    When I was a big, fat, slob, I couldn't ride my bike more than 5 miles before I was pooped out. Now I can do 50. It didn't happen overnight, in fact it took me about a year to get in shape, but now I'm looking at doing 60 miles. That isn't much for some, but for a former sedentary sloth it feels heroic. The capacity within us, no matter our age, in unbelievable.
     
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  18. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Saville! I'm working from home for about another hour, so gotta get to that. But I wanted to let you know that I agree with you when you say that we old guys still have plenty left in our tanks if we take the time to get back in shape. Kudos to you on your 60 mile goal. That's fantastic!
     
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  19. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Moz. :) Having a small goal keeps me riding the bike on the trainer, even when it's a bit boring. I know that I'm not the equal of a younger man, but neither are they my equal in terms of what I've lived and seen. I may be the slowest rider on the planet, but I can appreciate each and every mile. I'm slow, but I hear the birds vibrantly and see the colours of the world as I ride the bike trails near my home. Because my mandate is not to go from A to B and then return home, I'm free to sit on a bench for an hour and think...or not think.

    Sex is no different. I rarely feel the animal passion of my youth, but I enjoy the feeling of my wife's hand on my body and enjoy softly touching hers. Yes, I want to cum, but more than that I just want the connection. In that relaxed and aware state astonishing things often happen.
     
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  20. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    That's a healthy way to enjoy your bike rides. I admit that when I walk around the neighborhood and nearby trails, I take the same route most of the time, and am mostly interested in getting the steps in. So, point A to point B is the priority. It's impossible not to appreciate nature when you're in it, though, so I'm not complaining.
    This is great, Saville. I'm happy for you! This is the way it should be, really. Unfortunately, the GF is frustrated that we aren't as intimate as we used to be, and last night was another no go. I did want her, but I think more to satisfy her than myself. I feel like I'm forcing things, and that our sessions are not as "organic" as they should be. We actually just went to bed without even starting, as I was really tired and thought she was too... I must say, the change of scenery on vacation worked wonders. Now that we're back to our routine, in the same bedroom where our blowouts happened, the pecker is sheepish. I need him to be a battering ram again :D
     
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