Moz journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Mozenjo, May 22, 2014.

  1. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    @Mozenjo, ahh, Summer I would definitely missed that b/c I wasn't around. Well, Congratulations! For the engagement and having something of substance to drive your work to get off porn!

    At our age every single one of us has baggage we bring with us. The tough thing I find is that very early on in a dating dynamic (like first date sometimes) the women want to know the gist at least of your baggage. Did you cheat? Fail financially? Jail? Porn? Drugs? Boozer? .... I think just about all of those (and, no, I have not been in jail!) are easier to address than "porn". It is ugly!

    Here's to you never being asked but living everyday with the "not anymore" answer!

    Have a great week, Moz!
     
  2. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your nice, post, Rugger. I decided to reset, since I just kept escalating after my dalliances the other day. So rather than keep giving myself a pass, best to start fresh. I'm still stuck in the rut. Even though a lot of it has to do with stress at my job, I'm not fooling myself about how things will be different after I retire. Yes, if I'm with my woman all the time, the opportunities will be lessened, but until I crack this nut, that won't be the ticket out of this mess. It's only when I make a real commitment to getting off porn that it will happen. Part of me still doesn't want to lose it completely. And that is my baggage.

    I meet that moment of decision successfully much of the time. The challenge is to meet it successfully every time. Addicts must accept that fact and either say goodbye to the habit or keep nurturing it. So, one thing I really want to do is get to 30 again, just to prove to myself that I can at least do that. I think it will help. No proclamations, just stating that I am shooting for that again.
    Gotta dive into the workday now. Have a great week yourself!
     
    positivef likes this.
  3. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Well, I've reached page 100 in my journal, and here I am. Still. I've gotta get ready for work, but some posts I just read motivated me to do a quick check-in.
    One was related to the tenacity of this addiction, and how we need to stay accountable when the going gets rough. I haven't been doing that.
    The other post was related to ED drugs, which I have been on for almost 2 years now. Sure, they work, but at what cost? I don't like the side effects at all. And considering how hard I get when looking at pictures, the idea that I need them because of my age or my health is BS. I'll be 63 in a few weeks. My fiancee wants me to be around for a while. If I don't start living a healthier life, both mentally and physically, I won't be doing her (or me of course) any favors.
     
    Old Tom Bombadil and Libertad like this.
  4. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    3 day weekend ahead. It will be lots of working at home. All the things I need to do to stay on track are there in my toolbox. They're just getting rusted from non-use :confused:
    Making it a clean day today.
     
  5. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I picked up my workbook on addiction after a few month break. My goal is to finish it by the end of this month. And in the meantime, there are some good exercises I went through last year that I'll be re-reading. Like journaling my thoughts on why I do this and why I need to stop, ways of reminding myself of these things daily, and removing as many opportunities for failing as I can.
     
    Saville likes this.
  6. realness

    realness Active Member

    Hey Moz, you were on my mind as I was reading other journals and I enjoyed your contributions and care for others, including me, on this journey. I'm really excited for you to enjoy life with your fiance without PMO on your mind or in the background.
     

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