Moving towards a more desirable future

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by chrism, Mar 1, 2019.

  1. SeekingWisdom

    SeekingWisdom Member

    Keep fighting my man. Relapses are extremely frustrating. Just keep learning from mistakes and keep moving forward.

    I had no idea how much I was really using P to numb any pain or negative feelings I was having; until I tried to quit. It was quite shocking really. It's difficult to re-learn how to deal with negativity when we have been numbing it for so long. It has become our go to, knee jerk reaction, that we often do without thinking or even realizing it.

    On a positive note, the fact that you have realized this, is a major step. You can't fight an enemy that you don't know is there.
     
  2. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Thanks for your comment. It’s good to know that we are all in this together.

    And yeah it is surprising how you can go so long dealing with something in a way that is actually making things worse and then when you try to stop that thing all those feelings you have been pushing away come back.

    I always do this, I have a good few weeks clean then I get over confident and start to reduce my ‘security levels’ in this case I got complacent and didn’t use the locked feature on my internet blocker.

    I don’t know why I do this, I guess it is just my addiction running in the background pulling me back in.

    I turned the locked mode on for my blocker yesterday afternoon and was clean yesterday with no issues. Today I am feeling a small amount of accomplishment that I did not relapse or peek or edge yesterday which is a good feeling.

    Today I have a choice, to exercise or not to exercise. Last week I did lots of exercise and this week I have done done since my relapse. I’m thinking I’ll maybe do yoga today and possibly go for a run tomorrow. Then next week I’ll pick it back up again.
     
    Merton likes this.
  3. Merton

    Merton Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean here. Basically this is the story of my recovery over the last couple of years. I do really well and then at some point I start to pay less attention and coast. At that point I eventually get blindsided by some trigger and decide to give in.

    By the way I have found good use for freedom. I noticed that I always tend to start looking for mild pictures on my phone between 9-10:30 pm. I put a block session for that time and it has really helped.
     
  4. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Yeah that’s exactly what I go through too.

    Glad you are finding freedom to be helpful.

    It’s not like an answer to everything, but definitely think it is a help to just aid the process.



    Feeling ok today, not peeked or edged for 2 days and just about to do some yoga.

    Next week I’m going away with my gf for 10 days so really am looking forward to that. And will basically be no chance for relapse either which is good.
     
    Merton likes this.
  5. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    So Iv been peeking again and edging.

    Not sure why, think I have just got some reason been a bit stressed recently, probably work related.

    I found an old laptop at my house yesterday and obviously it did not have a blocker on it so was free to roam the internet. Luckily I had to go out so that was limited to an hour.

    I think I’m going to just go and out the laptop in my brothers flat after work to avoid the temptation of using it.
     
  6. Merton

    Merton Well-Known Member

    I also found an old laptop last summer. I couldn’t get it out of my mind and eventually used it for pmo several times. What I did in the end was to throw away the power cord. (It was an old power cord that is incompatible with my newer laptop.)
     
    chrism likes this.
  7. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Active Member

    I did the exact same thing at the end of last year. :oops:
     
    chrism likes this.
  8. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Well after I edged for like an hour with the found laptop I shut it off. Packed it up and took it to my brothers place.

    Feels good to have gotten rid of it. Before I leave work I think I’m going to block my internet for a few hours on my phone laptop and desktop.

    That way I can do some exercises, eat some food, and be productive at home before my gf comes over for the weekend.
     
  9. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    That's something I should do again. The laptop is where my relapses happen. A while ago I left the power cord at work so that if I got relapse thoughts, I had to go through a lot of trouble first. It wasn't fail-safe but it sure helped.
     

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