Keep fighting my man. Relapses are extremely frustrating. Just keep learning from mistakes and keep moving forward. I had no idea how much I was really using P to numb any pain or negative feelings I was having; until I tried to quit. It was quite shocking really. It's difficult to re-learn how to deal with negativity when we have been numbing it for so long. It has become our go to, knee jerk reaction, that we often do without thinking or even realizing it. On a positive note, the fact that you have realized this, is a major step. You can't fight an enemy that you don't know is there.