Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Lysander, Aug 6, 2012.
Thanks Nick, I'm back at it and feeling confident again. Thanks again for checking in on me.
Well done! I am cheering for you Show us how you are doing and where you are at.
Well here I am again, back to the beginnings...
I will try and update this journal daily as to keep me focused and on track to my goals of no PMO.
Day 1 completed, working on day 2... It is amazing how PMO affects my confidence. I wonder how things will be different when I have overcome this struggle.
My longest period off of porn in a decade was 35 days, then 32 days, then 20 something, then a few days, then a matter of hours. Any time you spend off of porn is time well spent, even though you feel bummed that you're not doing better socially, romantically; or that your voice doesn't sound as deep and resonant. There is an almost magical cumulative effect that starts to happen around a month off of porn. You actually begin to convince you own mind that you don't need porn and you are better off without it. This is where you also have to be the most careful because this is where slipping up and relapsing can turn into binging to make up for lost time. In that month you've been away from porn there is most definitely new material out there, your favorite models have new picture sets up and videos up. And the minute that you orgasm you end up cursing that new material, erasing bookmarks and pictures and vowing to yourself that this is the last time ever.
Do yourself an immense favor and bear the misery that comes with the reboot with courage. It is not instant gratification like porn is, instant gratification is what got you and everyone else here in trouble to begin with. The buzzard will pick out your liver every day, it will regrow at night, and the next morning it will get picked out again, until slowly and inevitably it gets better. Literally every single time I go to the gym I am tortured by the sight of beautiful women in spandex, my single most devoted fetish. For the first few weeks of rebooting I am leering at them like the creepiest pervert in there, but, by the month mark I can talk and joke and be absolutely charming with them. It does get better, but every single day you have to remind yourself that in spite of all the triggers and "meet your sexy russian bride" pop-ups that flash before your eyes you are resolved to quit viewing porn FOREVER! They are a bunch of stupid fucking pixels that give you absolutely no relief from how hard life gets and how disappointed you may be because of things either outside, or within your control.
Think about this image the next time you contemplate viewing porn:
You are watching yourself viewing porn from about three feet away eyes all glazed over like a goddamned porno zombie, never blinking, never breaking your gaze from the screen. This is what you look like externally to anyone willing to observe this pathetic scene. Now, imagine you aging 10 years or 20 years or 30 years in this scene; I've thought about this scene of myself many a time and have become utterly disgusted with the thought of myself as an old man looking at porn. I've even had the good fortune to meet a 70 year old man at an SAA meeting, he told me about his 50+ years of porn addiction to bring that image to life.
The thought of never looking at porn again is immensely relieving. The ~3 days on my tracker have been one day at a time and making 60 wont be done by magic or projecting into the future where I'm sauve, articulate with women, and projecting a subtle charisma that is radiating from the core of my being. Those days are marked off by improving the aspects of my life that matter immensely. The substance of character that comes from exercising discipline and strength in the face of an overwhelming and formidable obstacle. People pick some hard shit to deal with in life; some people are heroin addicts some people have ALS(Lou Gehrigs' disease) and some people really enjoy pictures of other naked people doing stuff to each-other, sometimes really weird stuff. But, this is our lot, chose what you will, you can even chose to get off of this wacky fucking carousel...FOR GOOD!
Thank you burned out for that post, I really needed something like that to give me a boost. A lot of the things you said really hit home with me. I can't tell you the number of times I've made it to two or three weeks and then slip up in a binge to make up for the lost time. This can be unnerving after making good process. Thank you again for your kind words of encouragement. Best of luck to you with your reboot.
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