More update since I have more time now. @Intothewild89 i did not watch porn (I was unable to). If I described to you what I was looking at you would probably laugh. Anyway it was a typical scenario of edging, which I actually never used to do but do now when I relapse. So in that sense it was a relapse. However I do not really want to call it that (not because it is in some way inaccurate) but more because I have decided to try to get away from the whole mentality that rational recovery classifies as “recovery group thinking.” I will try to explain what I mean below, as it is also related to the realization that I had. The idea is about commitment. Are we really trying to get away from porn for good, or are we doing something in between? As RR says, when we tell ourselves “I will never use porn again in my life,” we have mixed feelings on the one hand we want to quit because it makes us feel bad. On the other we want to continue because it makes us feel good. Because of this ambivalence, what I end up doing is sometimes abstaining, and sometimes not. The problem here is that I do not actually tell myself that I will not look at porn again. Even if I do tell myself this sometimes, I can tell that I don’t totally mean it. The reason I started thinking about this stuff is that the RR book says “do not count days. If you are never going to use again, there is no point. It only serves to indicate that you plan to use in the future.” I think this is true. What is the reason to count if you will never use again? This same reasoning applies to many other things, using the terms relapse or whatever, although we are all using them. I stopped eating meat 3 years ago. Am I constantly worried about accidentally eating meat or tempting myself with sausages? Of course not, since I made a commitment. Although it is hard for me to admit, the real reason why I am still doing all the “recovery group” mentality stuff is that my real plan is to quit for a while, hope the desire goes away, and if it doesn’t, then use again sometime in the distant future. This is not really quitting. Instead I am doing some half-asses procedure where ... (have to continue soon since I have to go).