39- I had extremely intense PMO dreams last night. When I woke up at the end, I was surprised that I did not PMO. However these days I am feeling somewhat distant from PMO, so although I was quite triggered, I guess it makes sense that I did not run to PMO. Overall things are good. I found out that I will probably need glasses somewhat soon. I am wondering whether I have some eye strain but don't really realize it. As I mentioned yesterday, I got triggered by a person I saw at work. It is good that it did not immediately make me want to PMO or look at porn. I just kept thinking things like "how can she look like that?" And it made me feel bad, as though I were missing out on something. In other words, I will never have that. But what would "having" really mean? It is a fantasy and it is tied up with the story in my mind that (a) I am different from everyone else, in some bad way and (b) no such people could ever want to be around me due to strangeness or awkwardness. Of course this, in practice, is not true, but it is the story in my mind. Somehow seeing triggering people gives me these negative thoughts and feelings more than urges to PMO. The situation is a bit different at day 5, when such people do make me want to PMO.