Day 1: I seem to have been able to go a full day. There was a mild problem last night where I looked at bad youtube videos and touched. But there are a couple of good things that came out of that situation. (a) I did not go through with it and called it off, (b) I did not give in to the lie "you messed up so you might as well go for it." So I feel better today. I did have some pretty strong urges about 20 minutes ago to look for a particular porn video. But if I were to do this, I would just be entering the cycle again. Not only that, but likely my whole night would be consumed with trying to act out. Anyway I listened to some more porn free radio today and it went well. He also has a website, recoveredman.com. One important thing is that I feel much better than I did yesterday. I was considering volunteering somewhere. Does anyone do this? It might give me a way to help people and to meet some others. @Thelongwayhome27 thanks for the support man! I hear what you are saying about the negative feelings about relapse. I watched these videos about relapse on recoveredman.com and I think I am susceptible to all the lies. One of them is that I feel shame about relapsing, and this feeling seems to make things so much worse. I also have all or nothing thinking: if I make a mistake, watch a youtube video, or masturbate a little, I feel like I already blew it and might as well go for a binge. But he says the right way to think of it is that recovery is something worth doing, even if you are not doing well. If I were trying to learn how to control my finances, and I kept making mistakes, I wouldn't just abandon it and blow all my money. I would try again and make some updates. What do you do to make yourself stop being so critical of yourself when you mess up? Regarding the "consequences" that Matt mentions, I will need to listen to it again. I know he was trying to frame it not as a punishment, but I don't remember quite how he was thinking of it. @occams_razor thanks for the comments and support! It is a good question. I was sort of in the middle of sleep, but I don't remember any sexy dreams. I was having a difficult time fantasizing, so it is possible that this led to dreams. Great work on snapping out of the fantasizing! I am indeed still watching Star Trek and playing the piano. I should try to devote more time to the piano, and play more seriously. This would probably give me a good feeling that I am making progress.