Though it is still day 0, I am feeling somewhat better. I had this strong realization tonight as I thought back over the last week or so, during which I’ve been trying to climb out of the pit. I realize that I have been obsessed with porn or with avoiding porn. Why do I behave in these ways? If I were to compare my behavior to that of most other people I would see that it is very different. For example, I walk around trying not to look at people, I get no sleep, I hide for hours and look at the dark corners of the internet. It is funny that as things slide downhill, it is easy not to see that the slide is happening. (I guess it is the boiling frog problem.) probably not funny, strictly speaking, but it is certainly weird that we can be so unaware of it. I have experienced this unaware slide in other aspects of my life as well. Anyway I think tonight my head came up above water for a moment to see what my life has been like over the past week. It is pretty clear that I behave this way because I have an addiction.