Men of Steel [GROUP]

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by totallyyours, Feb 28, 2014.

  1. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    Hey guys, hope you all are well. I'm having a decent string of weeks lately at work and home. Getting some projects done and being effective at work. Watching a little too much TV and reddit at night but I'm going to cut that out tonight and replace it with prayer and reading with my wife. I'm also looking for a new job more in line with my degree and interests. Hope I can find it. Thanks for your prayers. Praying for you all. Have a great week/month.
  2. FreedomF!ghter

    FreedomF!ghter Without hope, consequences mean nothing.

    Brief 50,000 foot view

    I'm going to keep the initial post short, give the 50,000 foot view of why I am here. I am a survivor of child abuse from very young, 3 1/2 years old, not my parents, an uncle. I also was exposed to my parents vibrators very young, 4th/5th grade, i became a chronic user. I was M. to photos and pictures by the time i was 13. Started using P some during college, but mostly chronic/addictive M. My wife is also a survivor, was violently raped by an adult around 5th grade, major alcoholic home.

    Now just turning 40, married nearly 18 years of marriage with 3 daughters, our sex life struggles, i didn't use porn at all the 1st couple years of marriage, but then started in around year 3, first time I regularly used. My wife, b/c of sexual trauma, has never recovered, has a lot of health issues, she battles, but life is hard for us. She is always willing to meet my sexual needs, but with her Trauma, making love, most of the time, could be compared to making love to a log, or someone who is not there. I've never had an affair, would have been willing a few times had the opportunity presented itself. I've been in recovery for about 8 years, but the stress of life lately has taken me back to very regularly acting out. I've never freely done it, always battled, but tired of the fight today.

    I'm excited to be here.

    I'm 25 days no PMO, just yesterday morning I MO'd, first time in 24 days. I deal with headaches, I think from edging, which i didn't know what that was, until this site and YBOP. I have edged for years, stay up all night maybe once a month. I'm kind of scared at my symptoms there, would welcome the perspective. My temple area on the right side hurts nearly all the time. I've had massive twitching(anyone else have this?) It's all clearly connected, so I think as I establish sobriety again, the symptoms will take care of themselves My teeth also hurt, have had some leg soreness and cramping.

    I have also the last several months gotten into er. hyp. stuff online. really, really bad stuff, nothing to play with.

    Excited about a group focused on Christ in this journey!!!
  3. FreedomF!ghter

    FreedomF!ghter Without hope, consequences mean nothing.

    I am doing much better this morning!

    My energy levels are really high right now, I am excited about life this morning, I am looking at a job change, which honestly scares me a little bit in the midst of really seeking to address my addiction, and go no PMO for sure, with as little mo and sex with my wife as possible.

    As far as rebooting, I am on day 25 no PMO, with one day where I got off and did MO twice. Afterwords I definitely felt a low in dopamine, and now I am experiencing some extra energy, from having that release yesterday, I am convinced that rebooting my brain, will take some serious extended abstinence all together, and my wife is on board so that is good news.

    I am also aware today, at how much Tuesday through Thursday at work, and all the stress of that affects my life. I believe that my addiction has done two things, it has lowered my resiliency to handle stress in my body, and it has also raised whatever process in my body, causes more anxiety, it is going on. When you combine that, with a faith stance that believes that we were not designed and created for sex in this way, you get some real problems with being able to cope with life.
    The answer: a serious length of time to reset my brain, and establish new neural pathways, that lead to a new ability to handle stress, a built-up resiliency to handle stress, and a strong ability of my body to be at a level of peace, where I am not always activated, but rather regulated.
  4. FreedomF!ghter

    FreedomF!ghter Without hope, consequences mean nothing.

    Day 26 no PMO Day three no a, I am feeling totally miserable today, I am wondering if my body is hitting a new low to adjust my dopamine imbalance,it seems I go up and down a lot,today feels like quite a bit of a down day, I recognize we have a lot going on with my daughter, and I am dealing with some fear of getting her involved in too much. She wanted to do this drama class, so we are moving ahead with it.

    I have for years associated my struggle with anxiety and discouragement, with my circumstances, or with some kind of anxiety disorder. After this forum, and some reading I am done, I am convinced now that my excessive masturbation and pornography, has led me to where I am today, The answer, no A, no matter what.

    I just need to say that I am feeling really down today. I don't know why, but I just needed to share with some people that I do.
  5. FreedomF!ghter

    FreedomF!ghter Without hope, consequences mean nothing.

    okay, so as with everyone on here my story is unique, I am in my early 40s, and have never really wrestled with ED. Started using porn in my mid 20's and wow my addiction is more binge, a few times a month it has at times reached the regularity of a few times a week.

    I am 27 days into no PMO, with 1 time sex with my wife and 1 MO. We have now agreed as a couple, to not have outright sex for 6 months. I am rebooting, and we will also give her space to work through some of her trauma, sexual trauma from her childhood.

    My question is, this morning we were very intimate, giving each other a massage, and she really got going, so I just helped bring her to O. Obviously, during this process, I was definitely stimulated a lot, I have done tons of edging in the past, even staying up all night, numerous times, delaying O, to keep the fun going. I didn't realize damage it was causing, . I have some twitching and headaches and different symptoms that have resulted from this behavior. I have heard people describe being intimate with their wife without orgasm, and even being inside without orgasm, but I guess this morning I am wondering how this is different from edging? I have even received advice that I could be intimate with my wife, just no O.

    Love any thoughts on the difference between edging to porn, being intimate with my wife with no O, and the benefits of sex without orgasm, for someone in my situation, who is wanting to reboot over six months, and then rewire only to my spouse.?
  6. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    Welcome to the group! I think considering your recovery, you may want to avoid significantly delaying orgasm. Consider the various ways you can pleasure your wife but avoid doing things that could jeopardize your recovery (sex or otherwise). I think both couples can and should work towards each other's orgasm which is the climax of the sexual act.

    Congratulations on hitting 27 days. That's a great accomplishment.
  7. FreedomF!ghter

    FreedomF!ghter Without hope, consequences mean nothing.

    Thank U!

    So, are you saying that I should go ahead and move towards orgasm, or avoid things that stimulate me?

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