Men of Steel [GROUP]

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by totallyyours, Feb 28, 2014.

  1. x2012

    x2012 New Member

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (4 spots open)

    Hi, I would like to join this group.

    Ok. Let me share my story. Why nobody is updating now?

    I am 32, Asian. I started PMO since I was 22. On the same year I moved to Europe for studies and 2 years later I found a job and stayed there till now. Living in a completely different culture alone has been difficult. I started using prostitute since I was 27. This sounds pretty messed up, doesn’t it? My employment status has not been very stable since the beginning of my professional career because of the economic crisis and some opportunities I missed too, which was not very helpful in this case.

    I started putting efforts to improve my life since 3 years ago. I followed some self-development programs. At the same time, one of the personal trainers told me to get some male energy after spending a few hours with me. In the past 3 years, I realized that he was right. Compared with western men, I am not very masculine as an Asian. I realize this racial difference but this never makes me feel inferior. Last year, I realized porn is one of the things that suck my energy. I was not sexually aggressive enough in front of women; I was not proactive and did not speak up at my job. These are typical symptoms of lacking male energy.

    Talking about women, I never had a gf. Ironically I realize that I am actually attractive in front of women, which makes me realize even more about important of male energy. I work for a big international company, where I got a lot of IOIs from female colleagues. One of them kissed my cheek on Valentine’s Day during a colleagues after-work drink but I did not take action. Another one said she liked me in the office room with other colleagues present. I had a date with still another one and told her to go home at the end of the date in front of my door… I don’t know if there is another man who behaves like this. The fact that they are my colleagues made me hesitate. Another reason is I was so uncomfortable to get close to women, to touch them and bring them home, etc. But I use prostitute... This is abnormal.

    As for my job, I don’t like it very much either. It is too IT for me. That is why I am actively searching for a new one right now. And yes, I tried PMO challenge from July last year. My goal was 90 days no pmo but I relapsed on day 62. Once I relapsed, I became less disciplined and dedicated then consequently felt bad about it. Actually 62 days without pmo was an amazing achievement for me. I did not have to feel bad even though I relapsed. Then I stopped the challenge. Since then I think I have been masturbating once per week, sometimes with porn but mostly in bed when I woke up in the early morning without porn.

    I would like to start the 90 days no pmo again. And I will update here once per week. But this is not just about pmo challenge but an effort to have a better life in general. Thus, my situation with women and job will be updated here as well. I made the decision almost one month ago to start this journal but procrastinated until now because I was afraid. I am still afraid that I would not be able to hold to my plan as before. I made some kind of plan to form a new life habit 2 years ago and I stuck to it for just a month. I tried pmo challenge and kept it for 62 days. Because of laziness, I started posting my status here once every day, then every other days, then every week… Feeling bad because of relapsing actually had a worse impact than relapsing itself.

    My summary of the challenge last year is as follow. The good things I did were
    1. Installing k9 on my laptop at home
    2. Posting a printed calendar on the wall and counting down the days from 90
    3. Updating my situation here regularly
    4. Meditating almost every day

    Besides what was done last year, these are what I can do to improve
    1. Reading Slight Edge. Yes, pure will power is not sustainable in the long run. The philosophy of being discipline should be injected into my cognitive system (I have already finished half of the book)
    2. Making an excel sheet to give myself a daily score to observe the long term trend (this will be shared)
    3. Installing k9 on my laptop with my friends email address (done)

    So much for now. I will keep posting here.
  2. Pfree4Good

    Pfree4Good New Member

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (4 spots open)

    Hi guys - is this group still active? If so, I'm interested in joining. Cheers
  3. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (4 spots open)

    Hey guys! I've been out of town for the past three weeks and working so much that posting never came to my mind. I had my ups and downs with PMO while I was away. Work was great and I even managed to work out, but I was away from my family which was bad and didn't have my usual responsibilities/chores to keep me in line. On the other hand, I did have some free time to explore some great locations and churches. I had time to go to confession each week which was also nice.

    I'll update the member list as necessary. It's great to be back with you all!

    Try reading before you go to bed. Not a novel but something like philosophy or theology. You can get Imitation of Christ by Kempis for cheap on Kindle for your phone. Put it on dark/night setting and get a couple pages in. Or anything by G. K. Chesterton.

    Hey x2012,

    You've completed some good action items. I have done many of your suggestions. I also started PMO over a year ago but haven't made it 62 days! What do you think was different when you made it that long? What situation do you fail the most in (e.g. home, work, phone, tablet, etc.).

    I would advise against judging your value based on your relationship with women. Yes, it can be one of many indicators, but some of the manliest men I know did not have sex or romantic relationships and were celibate (Damien of Molokai, Maximilian Kolbe, Pope Francis, St. John Paul II, etc.). Yes many men will marry and have a family (myself included), but that is not the path for everyone. I would drop the prostitutes immediately for a number of reasons: sexual disease, money, mentally and emotionally harmful for the women and for you, delays your progress, fake love/intimacy, etc. Also be careful about dating co-workers! Breaking up could be bad if you see them on a regular basis. On the other hand, if you have a healthy relationship with them while dating, and not get too attached (i.e. sex), then a break up will be much more bearable in the work place.

    I think you're on the right track towards a path of fulfilment. It will be difficult but worth it. Remember that you will fail in big or small ways. Always be thankful that you didn't fall further and get back on the path immediately. Like the prodigal son, when you realize you are eating with the pigs, get back to your father's house as soon as possible! Above all remember that your relationship with God is what matters the most and the only thing that can dramatically change you from the inside out. He is always searching for you, always available through prayer, and He is the love of your life, your true spouse, and knows you better than you know your spouse. Take whatever challenges and gifts he gives you!

    I will look into The Slight Edge book that two of you mentioned. At first I thought it was book about edging! Good title and concept though. Reminds me a lot of Four Signs of a Dynamic Catholic which is about small improvements you can make to your prayer/faith life each day.

    Have a great week everyone. Prayers for you and your friends, co-workers,
  4. Nelson

    Nelson Guest

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (4 spots open)

    Weel at this point of my recovery, I can say that I am on the good way, I have been working out at the local gym, I feel awesome, Iév started to see results. I met a beautiful girl too, like 2 weeks ago, she is amasing!, I think is part of the God´s plans for me. I was little nervios at the begining when we started to date, but I´m ok now. I was so happy and excited that day that I PMOed. I learned 2 things about this experience:
    1- Is 10000 better to talk with a girl face to face and have a coffe with her, rather than stay home and...
    2- Is about doing little things daily, not super human actions that make difference.
    I feel more confident right now. I will do the best of every day. This a new relatioship and I dont want to screw it up.
  5. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (2 spots open)

    You are on a roll Mrout. You're right about doing the little things well. God can be found in the small and quiet areas of life. Congratulations on your new relationship. I hope it works out well. Keep your respect for her high and it should turn out well no matter what.
  6. x2012

    x2012 New Member

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (2 spots open)

    Haven’t updated for a while. Thanks a lot for the advices, Totallyyours. I did not use prostitute for last 2 months and I think I will be rid of it. I do not have access to escort website unless I ask my friend for a k9 password. And obviously I am not going to do that. And I am not taking my female colleagues in a seriously romantic way although I enjoy teasing them for fun. There are some lovely girls in the office building. I might hit on one of them when I leave this employer but not when I work there.

    About my challenge last year, I tried to reach 90 days but failed at 62 the day. 62 days is a very good record. One big reason that I went this far was because it was the first time when I was so determined to get far in the challenge. The reason I failed was exactly what was explained in this post by TheUnderDog I was not able to fully control my emotional life and PMO is a symptom instead of the source of a problem. When negative feelings hit me, loneliness, frustration etc, I lose my will power. And this is also why I read Slight edge and try to form a new life habit. This is why I am going to spend some time and read the book slight edge again to hammer in the philosophy of continuous quantum steps accumulating to big success.

    I Med twice from 1 July till now. Both when I was in bed, early in the morning, I don’t remember the first time. But I remember that the 2nd time I accidentally watched porn posted by someone on facebook and that night was too hot to fall asleep. I Med without porn. I decided to use the PMO sheet to record my progress instead of the bar. Because if you fail one time and reset the bar, you feel all your efforts are gone in vain, which has a devastating effect on your mentality and determination to continue the challenge. A sheet can lessen the negative significantly after MO and make you focus on lowering the frequency. If my best record is 2 weeks, I can set the bar to reach 14 days. Once when it is reached, I can extended to 21 days. This is also how I reached 62 days last year.

    Let me talk about what is really going to bring me fulfillment. I finished reading Slight Edge and wrote down my dream for my health, happiness, relationship, self-development, finance, career and life. For some of them I can give a definite answer without hesitation, for others I need to think for a long time. Now it is time to create a sheet with all the daily simple discipline to monitor my behaviour. Damn, I am so afraid of having such a sheet because I fear that I will not be able to keep it up, which will frustrate me further. But I will read the first few chapters to get the confidence again. Another thing happened to me last Saturday. I approached a girl in the street and brought her to a nearby starbucks for a drink. She was very cute. Then annoying things happened. An American tourist sat next to us and kept on interrupting into our conversation shamelessly and trying to pick up the girl from me. I did not know what to do at the moment because I never had this before. After a while I brought her away and said goodbye to her. She enjoyed talking to me as she told me. I went for the kiss and she avoided my eye contact and lips but still hugged me. After saying goodbye, she escaped from me like a rabbit and rushed into the train station. She did not reply to my text so far but I will call her if she still does not today. Now I still feel bad that I did not do anything to that American tourist. I swear I will beat him up very hard if someone does this to me. Ahhh, I feel bad about it.

    So much for today. I will keep on updating.
  7. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (2 spots open)

    Well done x2012. Please let me know more about the Slight Edge daily monitor sheet.

    You're eyes aren't deceiving you, I actually went 10 days and then crashed and burned two days ago. I feel pretty good about that streak and I need to get my daily routine cemented in order to repeat it and take it further.

    Here is my updated browser settings for Net Nanny:


    I also downloaded AppLock and locked my mobile browser. I'm using Safe Browser for now to get myself under control. Trying to burn my bridges.

    I'm praying you guys are well.

    Reading: Jesus of Nazareth by Pope Benedict XVI, Gospels in a Year from flocknote (email), The Porn Circuit by Covenant Eyes.
  8. m.18safi

    m.18safi New Member

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (2 spots open)

    hey all ,,, also i want to be member of this great Group
  9. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (2 spots open)

    Welcome m.18safi, you're in. How is it going?
  10. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (1 spot open)

    Hey guys, I've had some varying degrees of success lately. Mostly when I pray and do lectio divina in the morning to start my day off right. When I put off prayer, it never gets done, and I cant focus throughout the day. I'm performing better at work, keeping up with my to-do list, and getting things done quicker which I love: more time for family. I just need to cut out mindlessly surfing the web which destroys me.

    Praying for you all.
  11. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (1 spot open)

    @totallyyours Good to hear that. Yeah, the more I put off prayer, I feel further and further away from God. I try to pray when I get up and when I go to sleep and as soon as I get urges. Best of luck at work.
  12. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (1 spot open)

    Hey guys, I just realized we reached our maximum members of 15. Do we want to increase membership or make the group open? Let me know.
  13. Nelson

    Nelson Guest

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (1 spot open)

    Hello everyone, well Ithink you should increase membership just a little, because the point of being on a group I to have a better communication and help, but is up to you totallyyours

    And I would like to update my status, I have been very busy with my new relationship, it takes all of my free time (wich is good, I guess), well we are taking the things slow and with patient, we want to knowing each other better, we talk a lot and laught together, few missunderstandings we are solving right now, few kisses and no more than that.

    I realized (and just discovered) is that a girl actually has the power to make you feel especial, and that made me think:
    How many girls are outthere looking for a guy how is brave enogh to take the risk to love them? and we are wasting the time and the opportunities because we think we don't deserve a girl like those.

    We have to take the chances that life gives to us, not only to overcome an issue, but to start living the life that God has designed for us. Do not wait the circumtances to be perfect, act now.

    my best to all :D
  14. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (1 spot open)

    Hey Mrout,
    Congratulations on your new relationship. I hope you both grow closer together and to God as you get to know each other. Be careful not to get too attached and remember to pray about if God is calling you to marry this person.

    I agree that healthy relationships (friendships, romantic, or acquaintances) can be a major blow to PMO addiction. We should all seek to strengthen our relationships through prayer and giving more of ourselves. PMO addiction hates giving and only wants to take. But, we only find ourselves when we give ourselves. Keep up the good work.

    I had the best month this year on my success rate and streak average : 81% days no PMO in August, average streak was 6 days. I'm hoping to build on that. What helped I think was being more involved at work and at home, spending less time on myself and mindless surfing.

    Praying for you all.
  15. x2012

    x2012 New Member

    Again one month passed, about pmo challenge, I already abstained from porn and I had maximal 3 m in August. The reason I said maximal is that I saw only 2 m in my pmo sheet. My memory could add another 1 m if there is any. I cannot remember clearly. There was fantasy in my head when masturbating but the women are real women I met instead of porn. This is getting better.

    Out of everything in my life, my career is the only area where I do not see an improvement. I had an argument 2 weeks ago, which almost got me fired. But I was actually a bit disappointed that my boss did not fire me. I am an Asian expat living in Europe. After crisis in 2009, everything changed here. I can’t find a job that I would like to do and my compensation is not satisfactory either. So now I am looking for opportunities in Asia as well. I have to say that I got lazy on this. When I do not see an immediate hope in career jump, I got lazy.

    About women, the PMO is paying off. There are a few times when I approached random women. If they have beautiful eyes with eyelash properly trimmed, I got an erection while I was just and looking at their eyes and talking to them. And they could feel it when this sexual energy was radiated from me. They got attracted while I demonstrated a relaxed conversation style together with my sexual energy. They probably couldn't tell why. I approached one girl I met 2 weeks ago and we spent just 10 min together. We exchanged phone number and text for the coming few days. I called her and she will contact me to set up a date when she is back from vacation. She is beautiful and feminine. According to my standard, her face can score 9 out of 10. I am expecting to meet her again. Another extreme case was that I approached another girl. We were looking at each other’s eyes and talking from half a metre away. Within 1 min, she had a big smile on her face and couldn't stop giggling. We had our four eyes locked and there was such a strong sexual attraction that both of us felt. We could stand there and look at each other till the end of world. Her friend saw this and commented that we were … But it was a pity that she had a boyfriend. Oh, I love this healthy sexual desire and energy. This is what non PMO challenge can give you. It makes you a sexually attractive and attracted man.

    Also when I was doing sport last week, I noticed my endurance improved significantly. Since a moment when game was on, I was breathing like a broken engine. But I could still push myself to charge when I see opportunity. I scored more point than any other player during the game. It is probably because of higher testosterone level than before.

    I read a book, which claims that orgasm from masturbation or sex depletes testosterone and produces oxytocin, which calms your body and mind. You get aroused less likely, less sexual, and consequently less attractive to women. But the aggression or impulse from testosterone is not just for pleasure or breeding but also is a drive to building an empire, conquering a new land, creating music, etc. Masturbation defuses this impulse and kills the drive. Well, this is a theory that can explain why there is a social convention that shames man for masturbation because it would not be beneficial to a society interested in expanding.

    So much for today. See you in a few weeks.
  16. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    Hey x2012. Glad everything is going well.

    I just had my best streak on record: 14 days. It was due to my first son being born. I was on a high for a while. Now that it's dying down and life is returning to normal, I have new struggles while my family is adjusting to the new baby. Please pray for my wife as it's really hard on her. I'm trying to leave work early and do more around the house but many times I fail at one or more things. Trying to get my brain in order.

    Praying for you all.
  17. Letscrackthis

    Letscrackthis "He is not here, for he has risen!"


    Congratulations on having a son! I'm glad for you.

    Lean on God in these difficult times. Praying for you and your wife.
  18. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    Rough month in October but looking forward to turning it around today and this weekend. Reading Jesus of Nazareth by Pope Benedict XVI. About to pick up The Slight Edge that everyone seems to be recommending.

    Hope you guys are all doing well. Like you probably are, I'm trying to cut down internet use so don't feel bad if you don't post for a while. Hope you're well.
  19. IneedHelpPlease

    IneedHelpPlease New Member

    Gentlemen , hello. I'd like to join up.

    A little about me: 35, married for the better part of a decade, and 2 kids I love watching grow. Started MO/PMO as a teenager (thank you Victorias Secret) and continued almost daily since leaving my parents house. There were some stretches of a week here or month there but those were due to not having internet access more than anything. I tried to quit on my own a few months back and was fine for a little while. But failed miserably when I went on a business trip. I'm sick and tired of this hanging like a stone round my neck and I do not have the strength to remove it. I added little stones bit by bit but its more than time to take this off and be the husband and father my wife and kids deserve. More work to be done on me.
  20. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    Welcome IneedHelpPlease! Sorry for the inactivity lately but I'm going to try to post more this month. I'm on a good streak and want to do what I can to keep it up. If you haven't already, get a plan of things you want to do and focus on at home and work. This will help you get your priorities straight. They won't know it, but your family will get you through this. Being a great husband and father are deadly to PMO. Focus on doing good and you'll gradually get free and forget about PMO. Sounds easy, but difficult to do.

    Like I said, surprisingly doing well here. Still uncovering some things about myself that need changing. God can do it. Just trying to let him day by day.

    I'll probably make this an open group with no members listed on the front page. People can come and go as they please. Enjoy your recovery everyone! Prayers for you.

Share This Page