Men of Steel [GROUP]

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (11 spots open)

Looking good FindingSanctuary.

I'm on a media fast this week so I won't be online very much. Just wanted to say hi, welcome new members, and let you all know I'm praying for you.

I came online to post some excerpts from my Matt Fradd book Delivered in the Addiction forum.

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (11 spots open)

Thank you, guys. Just fyi: I moved my main activity to a different forum (rebootnation.org). I'll continue to post in here.

Make the rest of this day to be good and pure and holy.

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (11 spots open)

Thanks for the encouragement guys. Is there anything else people can pray for.

I need prayer for focusing on God and school. Also for preparing well for teaching sunday school.

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (11 spots open)

What draws you to that forum?

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (11 spots open)

Hi, I would also like to join this group.

My story: I have been hooked porn for a long time I think I started when I was 14 years old, now I am 23. About 2 years ago I first found about this pornography addiction about 2 years ago when I had problems getting hard during intercourse. At that time I had i girlfriend so I took the decision that I would stop watching porn and the result of that was that I had great sex. I went on a 11 months streak without watching porn and in addition to this I almost never masturbated. A couple of months after I broke up with my girlfriend I fell back to the porn addiction. Every once in a while I watch porn when I feel sad, lonely, depressed or bored. Also when I've been drinking alcohol I somehow end up looking at porn. Lately I have had a real hard time to control my desires and I don`t know how to deal with them. I can`t understand how I could manage being without porn 11 MONTHS once upon a time. It is so frustrating to live in a society where sex is everywhere. I want to have control in my life and I don`t want to be a slave to something as degrading as porn.

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (11 spots open)

Welcome on board, Lampard: We're glad to have you here! I can relate to your experience. I haven't had a full 11 months before, but "only" 90 days, but also never reached the same "number" anymore. Having said that: it's not about a number. It's about a new lifestyle where porn is no longer a part thereof.

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (11 spots open)

Wow, good to hear your story Lampard. I hope this group helps you.

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (11 spots open)

Thanks FindingSanctuary and MsbtNnoPorn. When I think back to the time where I was without porn for 11 months, it was a period where I had pretty much control of my life. Come to think of it, I didn`t even count the days during that time. Time just passed by without me even thinking about it.

Nowadays when I feel lonely frustrated or sad about something porn feels like a relief of some kind, its hard to explain but it really feels like a drug that makes me feel very very good for the moment. Afterwards when I'm done watching it I just feel more terrible and frustrated.

I hate the feeling of hopelessness, this feeling is the most diffcult for me to handle beacause it comes to a point where I feel that nothing I do will matter, it feels like everything I do just turns out to shit. I really need to learn how to handle my feelings

Do you guys feel the same sometimes? What makes you guys fall back to porn? I would really appreciate if you guys had some advices to help me cope with my addiction.

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (11 spots open)

I'd love to join the group.

Mid 30's, married, kids, and I am trying to quit P and M 100%. I have struggled- too often. I am committed to beating the addictions and gaining more control of my life in general.

I don't know how far away I am from my last resets, but it's less than 2 weeks. I worry I am in for another one soon if I'm not careful.

Anyway, thanks for setting up the group. I have been hoping to find a good one here for a while. It is helpful for me to see others progress and struggles.

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (11 spots open)

Hey Want2BeNew ;-),

Well guys, I've been really down lately. Sunday sucked. I find that Sundays are some of the hardest for me because it's sort of like a day to look on things as they really are. Maybe since it's a "day of rest," that resting state is when certain things creep in to perspective.

I think the best thing for coping with this addiction is to have something else that we love MORE. That is so vital. We can't just shut it off so we have to have something that fulfills us more than porn or a sexual relationship in general. That is why I am seeking a makeover/overhaul of my entire lifestyle, vision, attitude, and identity.

I know I am forgiven by God, so why don't I thrive in that freedom? Why don't I grasp that?

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (11 spots open)

Hey guys I'm back from my media fast. I may have taken it longer than anticipated but it was enlightening in a number of ways. I think I uncovered some more areas of my life that need healing and work. It was also the most productive week I've had in a while! It's difficult to listen to the radio in my car now since I've grown to love the silence and the thinking time in my drive. More prayer, more focus!

Lampard,
You have a fascinating story. I would love to be at 11 months! You bring forth a reality that we are never stagnant on our journey: we're either progressing or regressing. Maybe after your relationship ended, you didn't have anything/anyone to connect to so porn was the first thing you latched onto. Now we know that friendships and the ultimate Love can save us from the porn trap. Glad you're here and I think we can learn from and with you.

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (10 spots open)

Welcome Want2Bnew and thanks for being here. I'm also married with kids. I think God wants to use our families to teach us about love and therefore about him. It can be difficult and uncomfortable living with and loving them but it's the most rewarding: mentally, physically, and spiritually. Invest time and energy in your family, even when you don't feel like it. One thing that helps me is to imagine that I may be the only source of joy or love they receive today. The world can be a lonely place and God wants to work through me to comfort them and show them his love and encouragement. No time for porn; it only takes away from that!

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (9 spots open)

I've had the pressure on my this week at work and have been doing well. All of a sudden things slowed down today, I had an urge, and failed. Going to do some quick reading then back to work. I updated my stats in my signature from my tracking spreadsheet.

maloo,
You're saying almost exactly what Jason Evert says: the only thing that can beat a desire is a stronger desire (i.e. love over lust). Do you go to church on sundays and do you interact with that community? Weekends are easy to stay clean for me because I'm around people and have lots to do around the house. It's more difficult for me to stay focused at work.

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (9 spots open)

Actually that community involvement has been really patchy for me. I have worked a few sundays, and also been away from family, so I haven't been very consistent there. But it is a goal of mine, especially getting involved with certain small group communities.

I'm not too familiar with Jason Evert, but I know Augustine spoke on this. Humans just love, like a generator that is always on, and we are fulfilled based on what that love is directed towards and what we get back from the relationship with that thing we love.

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (9 spots open)

Reading the posts here are encouraging. Sorry i havn't posted since last week.

Welcome Want2BnewAndTrue!

"Maybe you after your relationship ended, you didn't have anything/anyone to connect to so porn was the first thing you latched onto."
"Humans just love, like a generator that is always on, and we are fulfilled based on what that love is directed towards and what we get back from the relationship with that thing we love."
These thoughts are Profound!

This makes sense to me and i wish i would realize this more. I have spent so much time loving things that are a waste. videogames, food, hobbies, mindlessness, tv. I will only be truly happy and joyful if i love in appropriate things in the way i was meant to.

I have also been realizing another truth.
In the story of the widow and her sons with the empty jars. She received a miracle on the inside of her house and had a lot of oil in the jars. she needed to take action in order to get money and be changed on the outside.
the motif is that in order for us to be changed on the outside and our life to show change, we must take action!
God works in slow ways, like soaking a sponge and letting it drip. we need to acknowledge this and also take action and squeeze out our renewed thoughts and passion for God! we will then have a changed life.

I am praying for you all and thank you for your posts.

May God bless you in incredible ways!

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (9 spots open)

Congats to Maloo on 100 days!!!!! He has been free of PMO for more than 1/4 of a year straight. Great insights and tons of progress to see his journal. Great stuff to follow.

I'm on a business trip for a week. The stress will be high and that is a bad time for me.

The other day I felt like I did not care. No edging or P, but I think if I had access to a non company Internet connection I may have gone a time wasting surf that may have ended up running me into P. in the end nothing even negative happened, but I know for me I always need to feel this is a worthwhile journey, or I'm restarting counters and usually I can't shake out of the pattern for a couple of days when I mess up once.

In general, things are going well. I think this week could be a big one. If I can get through it I will feel like I am making major progress. The failures only lead to success when changes are made afterwards. I have not all the changes I need to for long term success, but things are getting better.

For me I need to work out and stop checking out of reality on time wasters like games and tv shows for too long.

Take care. Best wishes everyone!!!

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (9 spots open)

Congrats maloo!

Hey guys, maybe this is a dumb question, but where do you go/what do you do when you get an urge or have a tempting thought? Do you have a routine or a specific activity that you do? Mine used to be reading/praying although sometimes I forget to. Also, do you have a general routine that you think keeps your mind off of PMO?

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (9 spots open)

I think i have a tuff time with time wasters. I just spent the last two hours wasting time when i could have done something else; tho i had my bro over.

As far as tactics with urges, Im not quite sure what works for me. it seems that i have tried so much. most of my struggle may be with energy. I have done exercises and stretching-this seems to prevent and help a couple times but i must get bored and stop doing it.

A good routine does seem to work for me; i usually shower and spend time reading before anything.

Good posts guys! glad to hear from you!

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (9 spots open)

Hey all! sorry I have had to be away from the forum and online very little over the past week or so.

Well, I have tried a lot of things too, and I don't think the same approach or technique always works. Having little time or room to go into the danger zone is the most important thing, but that takes a lot of forms.

For me, my schedule is a little crazy so it's difficult to have a routine like, say, get up 6AM every day, pray, workout be at work by 8:30, work til 5, bed by 10, etc. Everyday is different for me. Some days I have to get up before 4AM. Others I don't work until 2 PM, and I have to be with my son a lot on tues/thurs/ some weekends, and other random times. And then every week is a little different. I have counseling appointments, case manager appointments, all kinds of things. It is a little exhausting.

So to get some kind of routine I have (with help) established a short checklist. I have a 15 minute workout routine that is hard to make excuses not to do. I have a devotional plan that I carry with me all day. I have lists of things to get done which are part of my goals towards my future and job leads to chase down...all kinds of things that I can do instead of wasting time and getting close to urges.

I get urges randomly throughout the day but I don't really have time to pursue them without seriously dropping the ball somewhere else. My suggestion to other guys is to get themselves in the same situation but with things that are healthy. If you have free time, fill it with opportunities to serve other people. Start a small group at church. If you are already in one, set times to check in outside of your normal meeting day, or start another one at another church. Or set a time to be journaling, or creating something, or listening to a podcast, or volunteering somewhere that interests you. Find things that really matter to you or else you won't stick with them. Disciplining our will to do things, especially when you don't really HAVE to do them to survive, is the hardest part for those of us with first world-problems like a pornography addiction.

 

Re: Men of Steel 2.0 [GROUP] (9 spots open)

Thanks maloo, this is very helpful. My idleness is killing me. Need to get back on track. Thanks!