Married, new here but very old user.

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Wolf333, Apr 11, 2021.

  1. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    Midnight, day 21 starting, can't sleep, big urge and came to write here. The thing is to get the mind off the urge no matter how many times it asks to do it, it'll only ask for a while. Mine at least. I'll try to sleep, try to meditate just letting the urge pass so I can go.

    On the bright side, it really works. I feel far more sharp, and have more energy. Really looking forward to achieve a 100 days on my first try though sometimes I feel I should've chosen 50! Haha kidding 8| It is not only addiction but willpower and mind control which are in game.

    I think I'm good now. It would be nice to know if someone is reading.

    We can do it!
     
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  2. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    After another abuse of my family, I just took the very hard decisions of quitting my job. I am depressed and having a bad time, think of pmo all the time. Not really an urge as such but as an escape. I hate being this depressed, I want to die as I write. I wish I never felt this way again, not now that I have a child. That makes me feel even worse than ever. So I am really having a very hard time guys, if anyone is reading some cheering would really help. I chose a wolf because I have always felt lonely. I love my wife and child deeply but I can't help feeling like this, I don't want them to see me like this any more.

    On the other hand, 1/4 of my goal today is something to be proud of, at least for me I think. This is day 25. I can't remember not mo for two days, I don't think I ever did for three days in a row. Never tried consciously before so I can't tell. This goal, this persistence and writing here is giving me strength. I have something to achieve for myself and that feels wonderful and keeps me together. Like MO, it is something I have available, it is a gift. So i thought I would just come by to say what I am feeling because I can't think of anything else. Next time, I want to be able to be able to do a journal, I havent been able to be persistent with myself, for me, and I think it would help me very much.

    Thanks for reading.
     
  3. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    Day 34 is almost over. I want to do it in my first try. Has anyone? Had a little urge so came here to write. I've read the funniest ways to refer to M here, we should start a thread, it's not all suffering. Speaking of which, I am a lot better of my recent depression.

    Thanks for reading and letting me know.
     
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  4. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Hi, wolf
    After Reading you’re posts I have signed in. I think imam addicted 2 PMO. But imam from the netherlands. So my english is not that good. have a Nice One bro!
     
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  5. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    Hey @Babylonier welcome and thanks for writing. Feels good to know someone read and cares.

    I wasn't sure about joining but I am convinced now about the addiction and that quitting PMO for a while is a rewarding self control and persistence exercise for the mind. Hope it works for your needs too, good luck!
     
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  6. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Hey wolf, after reading al peoples expiriences i am convinced. I am niet 2 days sober. And i posted a thread in dutch. I hopenthere wil be Some dutch people logging in. Maybe you can translate my post and reply? Be strong and God bless.
     
    Wolf333 likes this.
  7. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    You’re doing crazy good if this is your first streak. You mentioned abuse of your family led you to quit your job. What does that mean exactly? Were your coworkers talking shit about your family?
     
    Wolf333 likes this.
  8. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    Thanks @Mudshovel . Its a bit complicated, my enemy is my family. I run my dad's family business. The job is overwhelming, I need help, I don't have enough resources and no one in my family cares to work with me even though we all depend on it. I have invited my siblings to help me with the stuff I can't get done and to earn the same I do. It would all still depend on me, I should earn more than them but I don't care, I have more than enough. So recently they took my dad to the bank and took away from me the bank accounts without asking for them to me first, as if I had been stealing, instead of helping with what I asked for. Plus, they asked to be in charge overnight without at least asking what is going on. I've worked for 15 years for them. I don't care about giving them what I do either, I'd like to do other stuff, its just that they didn't ask for it, they didn't consider me, they never do. This Christmas they threatened my mom with not going if I went. I think my mom should've said "fix your problems and come". Instead, she told me "you already have a family, where do you want them to go?" My baby was 1.5 years old Dec 2020 and disinvited by her grandma to Cristmas Eve after such a difficult year. It has been like that forever, I'm always the bad guy, I'm the crazy one, nothing I say is worth considering. Too much pain. I've been on therapy for over 20 years. I'm victim of a tribal narcissistic dynamic. Easier said that internalized, it is very hard. So I just quitted, I have no idea what to do, I have no plans. We were looking for our second child but now my wife is also looking for a job. We're not very young. It's very sad. We're having a bad time but, once we figure this out, we'll be free of this abuse. No M has helped me because I actally feel more sharp and clearminded. Reading about sports got me here, sports always save me.

    So thanks for reading and asking. It feels great to be able to express here and to know that, even in the worst case, even if you do not agree with me and also think I am crazy, at least you care. It's very empowering for me.

    This is day 37, I came here to read because of anxiety, not urge, and found Mud's kind message. It helped me very much to get my heart out.

    Thanks again.
     
  9. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    How are you holding up my brother?
     
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  10. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    Hay BL! Thanks for asking :) . Yeap, day 41, all good! Hard day though, couldn't work very much wich gives me anxiety and had a rough call with my family. At least I have enough on my mind to not get urges!

    How are you doing with your goals? Did you set them? Made a thread about it. I'd be glad to translate your post if I knew Dutch, I found it though hoping to get some to know you better but it's harder than I thought! Haha
     
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  11. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member


    Hi, good to read that you are holding up! I know the anxiety is a big part of getting sober I think. So much things you have to think about. Do you get nightmares? How Many hours do you sleep? You can be proud you Made day 41! Make it count bro!

    I am doing good with the goals. Its day 8 I think. I had Some real bad nightmares. But i think it is getting less. Also the anxiety is getting better a little. My goals are not FMO for 6 Months. No PMO this year and maybe the rest of my life. No MO for the next 4 months and No O for the next 3 months. Yeah sorry, my first post was in dutch because it was to hard en to much info to write it in english. My english is bad but my phone autocorrect in dutch is nog helping either! So excuse me for that! The rest of my posts i am trying to write in english but i think you already saw this. I am very happy to wrote man! It gives you Some kind of power that you are not alone fighting. If you are having a hard time just write it down!

    I hope you are doing wel! Keep you’re head up! Be strong and God bless!
     
  12. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    Day 45. I am going crazy. All good.
     
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  13. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    Hey guys, sorry to announce I didn't make it. 44 days is a good run for a first try though! I am frustrated because I hate failure but accepting it is the road to success and I am proud of my honest effort.

    Disclaimer: This paragraph might be disgusting to read but here's what happened. We're on a trip without my baby and I was horny as hell. My beautiful wife is not feeling well. Still, she's gorgeous so I had a boner and trying to avoid M. Had to urinate after that but B wasn't all gone. My penis and insides hurt after peeing. Strange disgusting pain, I couldn't even walk well. So M. It came out very liquid and not so white. I don't know if it is possible to get urine mixed with semen but i felt some kind of pressure inside and that was gone after M.

    Still no P which is what I was looking for. That's a big win for me! I would keep on counting but I have decided because of the real benefits of this exercise no more P for me ever again! That's how I quit smoking. If you lower your cigarette consumption, you are still smoking!!! It's either you smoke or you don't. Period. The same with P. I did it like that back then and was one of the most positive life-changing decisions I have made, so same with P. Remember I used to PMO up to 4 times a day and always P. That alone let's me think of this as a success story.

    What I learned after this exercise:

    1- I am not crazy, I am not alone, I am not a criminal because of watching the stuff I did. Thanks to so many people writing here. God bless you and may you achieve your goals. Thanks @Rudolf Geyse , @Babylonier , @Mudshovel , and many others I read but can't remember names. Sorry I don't @ you all guys. Keep it up!

    2 - P is actually harmful. I do feel amazing after this. Clearminded, and not looking or thinking of P all the time.

    3 - This is a cultural behavior. P and P related language and behavior is more and more common. I'll try to avoid it and avoid social situations where it is accepted. This is the part of morality I am willing to accept and commit to.

    4- I still believe M and sex in general are necessary, good and healthy. Remember I am a testicular cancer survivor. I found the tumor early thanks to my frequent touching and didn't need chemos or anything. I have good healthy lifestyle and had a baby with my one amazing testicle. Testicular cancer can happen at any age but it is more common between 15 and 40. I was 34. Don't alienate yourself from your body. Touch yourself frequently and M without hurting yourself. Enjoy your body and take care of it.

    5 - I am more easily aroused by my wife even in not sexual situations! Just being near her and talking to her and hear her laugh or giggle is more exciting than before. Like when we began dating. This is absolutely amazing! Not that I didn't get aroused before but I really feel more atracted in general about being near her. I feel more greatful and lucky than before this exercise. It's a new joy or a repressed joy that came out again!

    6- Hopefully this is also true for sports which was why I tried this in the first place. In theory, the search for sports related dopamine will make me better at it. I'll let you know. The lesson was sports have helped me in every aspect of my life. I will dedicate them more time. They are one of the most enjoyable and greatest life gifts.

    Thanks again for reading and helping. Thanks to the admins and wonderful community.
     
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  14. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Aah to bad brother! But it is all good what I read! You learned much and you have a new mindset. You can be greatfull for that!!
    Are u going to stop posting?
     
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  15. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Wow guy what a success story so far. I need to catch up to you now.

    This speaks to me. Thanks. Go for it
     
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  16. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Wolf?! How are you holding up?
     
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  17. Mudshovel

    Mudshovel Active Member

    So do you have any PIED? Because if you don’t then it’s fine if you M. Humans have been doing that since, forever. It didn’t become a huge problem until internet porn and people just started binging
     
    Wolf333 likes this.
  18. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    Hi @Babylonier how have you been doing? I'll catch up with your thread, thanks for always supporting.

    I'm back to try again. I have seen P once since I left, I feel bad about that. I am going through a tough personal time here and have been M frequently lately because of anxiety. I thought quitting P was enough but now I can tell there was a real benefit from no M also so I'll try again. This time I'll set 50 days. Hope I can do it or at least get some benefits again out of it, mind and physical. My goal is to set a healthy way to enjoy sex, I do not want to feel I need M every time I am anxious. Day 0 today, oops, wish me luck!
     
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  19. Wolf333

    Wolf333 Member

    Hey @Mudshovel , no PIED thank God but I did have anorgasmia for a period because of antidepressants. I didn't came here for that though. My P use was too high, read somewhere it is now considered an addiction and found YBR. First try I felt many benefits. Now I came back to make those benefits a stable part of my life.

    Though I agree with you M is ok and is healthy, it is not if it's too much. Anxiety makes me want to M, like an escape from trouble. I am going through deep trouble now, the toughest ever so, even though I am not using P after that first try which is a big success for me, I've been M many days in a row, more than once a day sometimes. The sports article that brought me here focused on hormone levels being balanced to achieve better in sports, the idea being sports give you the same rush of dopamine or whatever and if you are out of it you wouldn't do as well because you are getting the reward anyway, so why bother to make an effort or succeed. After my experience, I feel like I, we, are more driven to make a better effort if we have enough hormones to make our body look for that reward.

    Hope that makes sense. Thanks for reading, let me know your opinion. Good luck on your path and wish me some!
     
  20. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member


    Wolf!! Good to have you back! I have learned a lot in the meanwhile. It’s not only having flatlines, no morningwoods or ED’s. It is also psychological, allot actually. Read thru my thread and maybe you can secognize things. The anxiety with me is when I M or PMO or FMO I get anxious in the days after when I do not MO. They call it a chaser I think. I chases you to M again! That’s the anxiouty you feel. That keeps you away from the real stress you have from other things. I think i am on YBR for life. Because when I read others threads of men that have been here for years it is a thing that actually never go’s away. Because it is in our nature i think. It is in our nature to O! We want to multiplate.. and modern technology is keeping us prisoned In a way we don’t even feel we’re prisoned! I hope you react on my posts i actually wanna know what you think. I resetted my counter a couple of days ago. So I am a little disappointed with my self! But i am back on the saddle and I am pulling my big boy pants up and not bitching about it!
    Be strong my brother! You can do this! Be strong and god bless!
     
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