Hey everyone, I'm new to this place and only discovered the YBOP site and concepts yesterday. Having watched the videos and done some reading, I have done some serious thinking regarding my years of porn watching and fapping. But... I feel like I am in a different boat than most of the other guys I read about here. It seems that the YBOP videos are mostly discussing SINGLE men, or men who are trying/going in and out of different relationships. I also get the impression that most guys on these no-fap forums, blogs, and Reddit are 99% single, younger guys. My situation is different - and it makes me feel torn on what to do... Here is why: My background I'm 39 years old and married. I was (sadly) a late bloomer in life sexually speaking, as I despised partying and drinking (which at the time, I seriously believed was the ONLY way to get laid). Keep in mind - this before the time of PUA forums. Wished those had existed back then... In my teens and 20's I fully believed that the only guys who got laid so much was either A) hunks and jocks, B) drunk guys, or C) "extremely lucky" guys who got to do porn or could pay for a hooker. But I didn't want to do any of those things. So I stayed home for years playing computer games and ignoring my friends constant nagging to get me to have a social life (and boy do I regret that now!!). Naturally, I discovered porn early on and was hooked. It was my only way of release at the time. I then met the love of my life at age 25 over the internet. We met in real life after only 5 months, and I lost my virginity the same day (Lol). Fast forward one year, and we were married and already had one kid (the one we conceived on that first date...again: Lol) That was 13+ years ago. I am still married to the same wife, although my sex life, still consisting of only PMO, sadly has not changed. Why I'm married and still fap 4-5 times a week I love my wife with all of my heart. However, there is one BIG issue... We have never really had a sex-life. We have sex maybe 2-3 times A YEAR, and this is NOT because of me. She has physical problems that make her constantly tired, and she goes to sleep around 8-9pm before our kids even do. Daytime sex is out of the question too, as her libido is nonexistent due to physical reasons. Yes, she has tried treatments but nothing has helped. On top of all this - she has had multiple physical and non-physical affairs (long story) with me over the years, with the first one being the most devastating for me emotionally. We had a common "friend" that she decided to sleep with for several months until I finally found out. They never used protection, had sex in our baby's room while I was gone, etc. etc. It was horrible, and I am still emotionally scarred to this day from it with nightmares, etc. I have never fully forgiven her, but I have been able to put it *somewhat* behind me. She has apologized and I trust her now more than ever. She really has changed in that sense. But...those affairs have also at times caused me to have ED related problems in bed...those very FEW times when we have tried to have sex over the years. She then blames it on me, my porn (which she knows about but doesn't like too much), or my fapping (which she also has said I can do). Sorry for the long rant here by the way, but I needed to get this off my chest. I guess my question for now would be: What would quitting the fapping actually benefit someone in my shoes? I don't believe it's directly causing any ED issues, as most of that is related to my thoughts about her past. Also - I am very strongheaded and know for a fact I could quit the porn cold turkey. But quitting the fapping cold turkey is VERY difficult when it is my only way to prevent a slow death-by-blueballs. I am still horny every day like most guys and I fantasize about pretty much EVERY female I see, ages 18-60 (except morbidly obese or fugly ones). Besides, it's not like fapstinence is gonna help me get any of these chicks. I'm already married... Because - in my case, my fantasies, porn, and fapping IS my sexlife. Her and I have both given up on trying to have a normal sexlife, so what is a fapper to do? Just quit - and have NO sexual outlets for the rest of my life? That doesnt' seem right either. And I know what some of you are going to say, because I have heard it all before: "...sounds like you guys need some couple therapy or maybe consider changing breaking up.....". Nope, that isn't gonna happen. For one, she absolutely refuses to seek any form of such help, AND we still love each other and our wonderful kids WAY too much to ever break it up. I can see the benefits of fapstinence for guys who are single and in need of a change so they can meet real women. Over the years I have grown VERY bitter and angry at myself for not enjoying my single days more. I wish so bad I could rewind 20 years, and tell my young self to LIVE LIFE. Fuck around, have fun, party, enjoy it all. I didn't know that it would be like this. Thanks for listening / reading... Feels good to vent. What are your thoughts?