Married, cheated addicted to P. New life new goals also dutch

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Babylonier, May 16, 2021.

  1. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Saville it feels like you are a close friend! Thank you for you’re honesty. It is really helping. I am doing all the things you say. Reading books about addiction, personal problems, walking, going to the gym. But I don’t have any patience! I just want to be at the finish. But I am realizing more that maybe there is no finish. There is only the proces and I have to learn to enjoy it! My wife she is just wonderful! I will be strong, I am going the things in and around the house. I wil do it!

    thx @Saville !!
     
  2. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Day 26: this morning we we’re intimate! She wanted to be close to me! So that was a new border breached? I’d did not want to O but I and she did! So i was afraid that when I O’ed i get in to a relapse and everything wil happen again from FMOing to PMOIng to flirting with other women! But nothing! There is nothing that I want! I just want my wife and I want to learn to be happy with my life like I always was in the past! But without the PMO or FMO! So i have to be focused coming week. I know when I was addicted and I did not know I was when we had sex I just wanted more! The samenvat more! The next day more! Watching P couple hours later after the sex. So I am focused for these feelings and habits. But really I don’t feel I want to to this! So that’s a win for me I Geus! Maybe tomorrow everything will be different! We will see. For now I am happy what happend this morning!

    just went to the dokter. He gave me some ssri medication (setraline/Zoloft). But in don’t know if I wanna take it. Ik hope a little bit that I can naturally wil be happy evenatualy! What do’s everybody think? Jeej or neee?

    have a good one!
     
  3. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    SSRIs can help with your mood, but they can have a big impact on your libido (especially Zoloft). Ask questions to your doctor and pharmacist, but you should also make some research on your own. You’ll find a lot of things on internet, just try to only visit serious websites. Forums like drugs.com and patient.info are good places to explore as well, but always stay cautious about what you read, after all they are anonymous forums, anybody can write what they want there.

    Big decision. If I had to go on meds, I would avoid Zoloft, because it seems to be the one that messes with your libido the most. There are other options, like Citalopram, Vortioxetine, and also some ISRNs that could do the trick too. But it seems there’s no way to know which one will affect your libido. I personally decided to not go on them and to rely on sleeping pills, and occasionally anxiolytics on bad days. I don’t recommend doing this, because these pills are supposed to be used only temporarily. But I haven’t noticed any difference in my libido and erection quality while using them, so that’s what I do when I feel like shit.

    In all cases, if you’re unhappy to the point it becomes unbearable, it’s a good idea to at least consider using meds, including SSRIs. I mean, if a man becomes suicidal or anything like that. Stay open-minded about the subject, make some research, and try to take the best decision.

    Good luck. And congratulations for your latest success.
     
  4. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    thank you Swaggins!! I got the meds now. But I think I am gonna wait. Today is a much better day than yesterday. Don’t know why and don’t know how. It is much better. So I am gonna wait. I still hoping things wil get better naturally.

    thx for reading, liking and replying!
     
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  5. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Day 27: wow in my head I was happy that we where intimate. But emotionally I was not happy. I don’t know why but I was. Little panic attacks, smoking than usual and asking my wife a lot of confirmation if everything wil be OK? I know that won’t help. But I am searching for something nobody can give and that is certainty that everything wil be ok.
    Allright. Yesterday before sleeping I took 2 painkillers for the headache. My neck is hurting me so i thought let’s try that! Wel the kids did nog make me sleep the hole night. 1 had nightmares and the other one did not sleep because of some fly’s in her bedroom. So that was my night and this morning I thought I wil not survive today. But actually I am feeling ok. Weird but much better than yesterday. After the kids went away and the wife I did some housekeeping. So maybe that is the reason i feel good today. Yesterday I could not even concentrate on my work. So I did some research about sertraline and we are going to build a new house so for that i had to do some thing to. But work. Hmm not that much! Ok my next post I am think to write about my co workers. I have a lot of go workers that are women. And my wife now thinks that everybody is an intruder or a potential goal for me to go flirting or maybe more! It is not! I would be crazy to do that! But ok next post more.

    Have a nice one everybody! Hope everybody is feeling what I am feeling right now!
     
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    It's wonderful that you and your wife were intimate. This does absolutely break down a huge barrier. It's a good sign that she allowed you to share her body, but she was also claiming you as "hers." This is a fuck you of sorts to the other women. She isn't over her hurting and it is still going to take time...but, it's a good start, my friend.

    Try, if you can, not to get her to validate your feelings. Women usually validate a man's feelings because they want something from him. Men, on the other hand, want to be validated because they are essentially looking for permission to be happy from the great matriarch...this is why men like us cheat in the first place. Be open, be transparent, but don't overshare.

    I look forward to your post about your co-workers. My wife was the same way. She was convinced that even the 75 year old lady across the street was a target for my affection. Trust takes time (there's that word again) to rebuild. Again, words don't build trust, it's always down to our actions. In my own case I had left a lot of shit undone. So, I decided to take care of all those small jobs, one at a time. I made a garden with beautiful flowers, I painted our bedroom, I fixed the running toilet, I washed all the windows. These jobs made me feel good and they showed to my wife that I was serious about changing.

    I also changed my attitude. I started looking at women differently, especially the ones that found me attractive. The women I cheated with were narcissistic bitches. Even though they professed love it wasn't real. I have incredible radar now for such women and I give them a wide berth. It sounds harsh, but I know that they are cunts. Whenever I have an issue with my wife now I will write about it on here or talk to one of my guy friends. I never confide in women anymore. Never!

    You are doing all the right things, Babylonier. In a years time you will wonder who that man was who cheated. You will be stronger and the bonds with your family even deeper.
     
  7. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member


    Thank you Saville! Yes I am happy about that! And yes I know en feeling everyting is going to take a long time before everything is going to be better! And I am up for that! I wil do everything for that!
     
  8. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Yes i understand what you are saying. I just get more and more new insight from you dear Saville! Thank you! But that’s zoo difficult! How do you do this? Just by doing chores around the house? But how can you feel happy when nobody validates or appreciate what you do or who you are? Do you have a book where I can read more about this subject?
     
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  9. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Day 28: Ok started the day with a huge morning wood that would not go! So that was pleasant! I think i am getting back for what I was! But mentally I am not there yet! @Saville he sayd that is is looking forward for what I wil write about my co workers. Wel this story begins 14 years ago. I met my wife in a cocktail bar where I was working. I felt like Tom Cruise in the movie Cocktail. Ok but we met, we had Some dates. Everything was just perfect. A couple in the seventh heaven. After a while she got more and more problems with my work, the people i spend time with and stuff. But I was young and stupid and did not see what she saw. We argued, i have sent her away and sayd we where over. That happens a couple of times. In one of those times I spend an hour or so at a house of a old contact where we were in the past co workers with benefits or somethings. So it was over and i went to that girl. After a couple of days me and my wife got together. I did not want to tel her because for me it was nothing. After a while a co worker of my wife told her what happens because the co worker of my wife and the old co worker where I did something knew each other. We had some big arguments Ok we stayed together. After a while and i do not even know we where seperated for 2 or 3 months. We where done. So what happens. In those three months in spend some time with some new girls I had met. Yes we had sexual contact. Nothing serieus because I could not get my wife out of my head back in that time! I also kissed a classmate and slept in one bed with a roommate. After three months we got together again and again I did nog say anything about it! I just did not want to risk that she could not life with me knowing what I did! We got together. And after a month of 3 we got pregnant of a twins. We talked we sayd we want to go for it. Leave our problems behind and go full for tho’s kids! And we did! 2 or 3 years pas away. We worked out asses of want to university and stuff. But with al that work we also lost each other in a periode of time. There was a moment a old woman that I knew from the past send me a message. She was in town and my wife ande the kids were not. So what did this stupid do! He went out for a drink and went with here to the hotel. Damn! Stupid! I knew at the moment you can think again you are wrong! I went in a rush to my house! Showered! Sayd to my self this was a big mistake! And I wil do This never again! Never never again! And I did not! Again 2 years went by.. my wife was pregnant again! Now of our baby girl! In that time my wife was 6 months pregnant or so. One day she called me at work. Asking me to come home right now! Ok i went home not knowing what she is going to tell me! Coming in house I am seeing my two boys playing with there Duplo. And my wife crying. She sayd i have to say something terrible! She says she had a affair with a coworker of here’s. In the time i made a misstep. Ok I could not get mad, I made some dinner with the kids. Brought them to bed and send her away to her moms place! Here begins all the shit I did. She went away. Normally when somebody cheats I am gone. Not even cheats if somebody talks to me in a wrong way then people don’t have to stay in my neighborhood. Ok but we have kids that makes everything different. So after a couple of days she comes back. We had a vacation to Portugal and we went as a family to that place. Because of my insecurities i wanted al the time to have sex! Really the whole fuqing day! When de baby’s slept i wanted to be intimate! And she did not had the balls to say no. Shit happens. That was a periode of couple of weeks after a couple of weeks is still did not know what to do. I just thought I could not life with this new fact! She had a affair with a co-worker of her. In the car, in a house of a girlfriend and in a house of a friend of his! But the car thing broke my mind! Don’t know why but it did! Maybe because i thought they where so passionate they could not wait more days to fix a bedroom or so. But ok. Days weeks went by I think. And in those weeks i went to a whore, spend 2 nights at a co-worker and had sex. I knew I do not want that and I know I wanted my wife and my family! But my mind could. It think straight in a coming years. Got a new job. Got a membership at a nice gym. And made new friends. And then every fuqing time something or in have to say somebody made a flirt or a move I could not resist just to see what would or could happen. So i did go to 3 women’s houses. Had a coffee 1. Nothing happend. 2. Just kissed. 3. She hold my dick in her hand.
    ok what the fuq was I doing!? After a while I was realizing what the fuq am I doing! So I quite everything! Only my wife and my kids got my attention. But something was not good! I felt like having a burn out! Did not sleep for 2 years maximum 4 or 5 hours a night. Now I am sleeping 6,5 or 7 hours!
    So I told my wife everything! And she is heartbroken! I see it in her eyes! She is devistated! Now I work in a place where I have a lot of contacts with women, therapists, social workers, dokters. 90% women. But ok. That those not mean i am going to or want to fuq them al. In the past I told here there are 2 or 3 co workers I have a good klik with. And yes ther quit good looking. But you know. Not one cell in my brain thought I wanna have a intimiteit relation with one of them. She thinks that every time now a girl or woman flirts and let me know she want something from me I can not resist! Ok in the last I could not resist! But I also wanna say those women i visited inslapen wanted to see if I could resist to say no or not to fuq. And I did not! So I can controle my habits or something .. in some kind of wierd way I wanted to test my self. And I think I am addicted to the rush the adrenaline to do something that is not ok!
    But ok the co-workers. My wife just want to kill every damn girl that’s in my neighborhood.

    That’s for now! It is a long read this one sorry. But is feels good to write it down

    thank you for reading!

    Be strong and god bless!
     
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  10. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    End of day 28: just wrote everything what I wanted to share. Now lying in my bed and can’t catch sleep. So normally I just have some PMO or FMO. I don’t now! Because I have a goal now! The kids are at my parents place and me and the wife went to the city to do some shopping and go for a drink. She had a bad day. She did not want te be close to me. The house is a mess. Troubles with the washing machine and it’s a bit messy. So tommorow I am going to fix that. Tommorow we are going to the gym together and we wil pick up the kids and eat at my parents. I just want that everything is normal again. Our own balance. How everything was in the past without the leis. It’s hard for her. I know. And it is hard for me two. What I normally do is just go away and be on my own. But now that’s no option. And that’s makes it hard for me. There’s no fun.. everything is so negativ. And I am the reason of all this. This big nightmare that we can not escape from! How will we ever be normal again? I am going to try to sleep now!

    Have a good one fellas!
     
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  11. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Day 29:
    Beginning a new day. After a coupledom negative days. With a lot of arguments with the wife. She is making me feel so little. Indeed I was stupid in the past! Very dum. It was like I was numb in the past. Like uncoils not gee that what inwas doing was wrong. You know it’s wrong but you can’t stop it. Like a addiction.
    Today I am feeling strong. Body and mind are strong today. I’ve had a morningwood. And yes i want to be intimate with the wife. But she does not want to. I don’t feel save anymore for her. That makes me sad.
    I know my problems are a bit different than many others. Because I read men are having problems getting sex with a real person or don’t have a relationship or have trouble getting in to a relationship.
    Today indeel that strong that it’s scary. Because when you’re strong, the addiction is at it’s best. Because of the strong mind and body you think you can survive everything. So i have to be focused. I think because the last days were so negative. I made a different mindset for my self. What Saville says. Focus on other things. Chores in and around the house. Housekeeping. That sort of stuff. I want to stay with my wife the rest of my life. But now I told everything of my escapedes. She has to make a decision. I know if she leaves me I can be happy to without her. Not that happy with her but. I wil survive. I know i don’t need sex or P to be happy.
    allright let’s act like that!

    Have a nice one everybody! Be strong and god bless!
     
  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You really unpacked a lot in your previous posts. Bravo! That's not an easy thing to do.

    Your wife had sex with you because it was an ego thing for her. She had to prove to herself, and you, that she was still attractive. She claimed her territory, as I mentioned before. But, don't expect regular sex (I think you know this) because she is still very raw. Yes, and she is probably going to punish you a little, too, as that's human nature.

    I like that you are feeling strong today. This is good. Let your inner man feel his strength and groove on it. The marriage is important, but it's not what's at stake. Your job is to let your inner-champion out, who is your biggest fan, after all. You have good insights and I also love that you are feeling passion about the situation you are in. That is fuel for staying healthy and getting healthier. Dust and garbage is going to swirl around you and your job is to not get swept up with it.

    My wife was a real bitch to me, beyond what she needed to be. She wanted me to pay for my indiscretions, over and over again. I put up with it for a long time. I smiled, I did my chores, and I never gave her any reason to doubt my fidelity. You mentioned a book you might read. One book that really made a difference to my outlook on life is "No More Mr. Nice Guy." I found a copy for free online and only read the first few chapters, because those ones are the best, the rest, imo, being filler. It made me realize that I was always laying myself at the alter of femininity. I grew up thinking it was my job to please women, but the women I was attracted to, and who were attracted to me, were women that could NEVER be pleased; starting with my mother. Because of that book, and journaling here, I eventually stopped my wife from punishing me. I realized that my wife deserved have an honest, reliable, loyal husband, but that she didn't get to diminish me forever. I told her not long after coming to YBOP that if she had something to say she could say it, but that I was moving on from what I had done and would not listen to her talk about it, or give me looks, anymore. You have a ways to go before that happens, but you can feel good knowing that there is an end. Again, we must be men and that means standing up for ourselves. I think you'll find the book enlightening.
     
  13. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Don’t know what day it is. My wife had been the detective and did some research and talked ronde women i cheated with. The story i told her. Was not the same. And now she want a divorce. I think this is for real now. So i did some FMO to just take my mind of things. I think after a month i did pretty wel. So I am going to reset my bar by tomorrow. Because indon’t think how the next 24 hours wil be.
    I am regretting everything i did in the past. And I don’t know how but I just can not remember everything. Everything was for nothing. We have 3 good Nice lovely kids. And they are going to be the victim of my wrong choises. Of my lying. Lying to my wife but more to my self! How can somebody be like this? I am promising my self that i am never going to lei about anything any more! Can’t sleep. Laying on the couch! And life’s fuqed up right now!
    I went with one of my sons to a city beach. And there where allot of students. Allot of women. But you know I don’t even thinking about having sex with one of them! I am just thinking how can I save my marriage! Financially it’s probably a good thing. But emotionally! I am think I can not life without this woman! Rationally I know I will survive! I wil and I wil show everybody that i am the man! After this nobody is going to bring me down! Tommorow reset bar again. And I thing I am going to reset it a couple of times again! After this hole storm and nightmare has past by I wil do a hard rest! she saying she is going to live somewhere Els. We will see! Hope she don’t. I know here she will!

    God bless!
     
  14. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Slept 2,5 hours. Waiking up like this is like hell. Tried to talk with the wife but she is resoluut. She want a divorce! I don’t know what to do right now! I want to get mad and shout and tell her she is not perfect either. But I think it is not the right time. The most of my infidelity was after she had an affair with a co-worker of hers. A couple of weeks ago I tried to tell everything but my head made one of the story different then it was. So now she contacted one of those women and she told a hole different story. For a part it’s treu how we met and stuff but that woman also told things that were not treu. Like I wanted her very much and stuff like that. But that was not how it was! Imam trying to explain but everything what I say now is like shit for the wife! Don’t know what to do! I am begging not to push treu the divorce...
     
  15. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Day 1: let’s start all over again! Went with my wife to my therapist. He says I have a
    attachment disorder and a narcisme. What he says was that I wil never be able to attach to someone or something. That was really harsh. Allot of explaining. About what I can do to make the problem less big. How I can attach or look like I can attach. I can learn from my past but it takes a lot of effort to change something whats very deep inside you! How fuqed up is that to hear! It’s like saying I am going to travel to Mars or something. But I feel i am capable to change! I am a guy that if he want something i wil do anything for it or let anything for it. So I said that to the therapist he said 90 % of the guys who sit here say that. Damn. Ok what am I supposed to do!? Just be ok with it? That I can’t manage a stable relationship? I can not be ik with that. If only I can make my self better for 50% that wil make a lot of change in my daily life. Now this is my theorie. At the moment I saw that I am an P addict. I did not do anything for almost a hole month without therapy. So what if I can handle my personal disorders with therapy and medication. I am going to start sertraline today. It takes 6 weeks to feel or see any changes. I wil try my best.
    He also says stop begging you’re wife to give you another chance! I thought was to help me. And my wife nods and says yes it is over. He has to respect that. And maybe if he respects that maybe a 1 % chance I wil give him a chance. So there we go!
    And I know myself if I don’t make contact. I wil get angry with my self, gonna feel depressed that sort of things. But we wil see what is going to happen. today no fmo or PMO thoughts. The stress is to highly.

    Be strong and god bless!
     
  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I've been caught in many lies, because that was also the way I operated in life. I also learned the hard way that lying was a part of the problem with who I was. In fact, the lies are worse than the cheating, because they mean that we don't believe in ourselves as men. It sucks that some of us have to be hit over the head with a hammer to wake up, but we're awake now!

    Your wife talking to those women also puts into focus just how unworthy they were of your attentions. If they cared at all for you they would have would have tried to protect from harm. This is also an important lesson. Now you know that the kinds of women that you attract are narcissists. Speaking of narcissists, it is likely your wife has these tendencies, as well. Your therapist is dead wrong when he says that you can't change. He's also full of shit saying labeling you in front of your wife. He's not helping you, at all. In fact, it sounds like he's very much on your wife's side, which means he's a terrible therapist.

    Listen, Babylonier, you didn't grow up with the necessary skills. I didn't either. What I learned from the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is that a boy's formative influences are from women. Our mothers molded us into the kinds of men they wanted, which was basically a man who act like a little bitch. The influence of fathers has diminished significantly over the years and it is boys who have payed a steep price. Anyway, all this to say: don't beat yourself up. Yes, you cheated, but so did your wife. Yes, I cheated, but my wife withheld sex from me for years before I ever cheated. Damaged people get together with other damaged people. The women you cheated with: damaged! Your wife: damaged! Healthy people don't cheat on their partners.

    You have no control over what your wife is going to do. The therapist is right about one thing: stop begging her to keep the family together. Why? Because, this takes away your power. This puts your wife totally in the driver's seat. Yes, acknowledge you did something wrong, but you mustn't go beyond this. Why is keeping our power important? Because health starts when we keep our integrity. For us to really get to know our inner man, our champion, we have to hold onto our male power. It's not the kind of power we hold over other people, it our own personal strength. It says: I matter, I count, I don't need anyone's permission to lead a good life.

    I have more to say, but I'll write it another day. We're just men on the internet. This forum is helpful, but you should seek out the company of men who you can talk to (bitch to) so that you have a real, live, support network. I'm pulling for you!
     
  17. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    What a terrible therapist. Who says stuff like that. It’s like he’s demolishing your good morale and willpower. Don’t let anyone ever tell you you can’t change! The brain can change and rewire. Our personalities can change. Keep putting in the effort man.
     
  18. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    “ Yes, acknowledge you did something wrong, but you mustn't go beyond this. Why is keeping our power important? Because health starts when we keep our integrity. For us to really get to know our inner man, our champion, we have to hold onto our male power. It's not the kind of power we hold over other people, it our own personal strength. It says: I matter, I count, I don't need anyone's permission to lead a good life.“

    Woow this was good @Saville ! This can help me in my inner struggle
     
  19. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Wow thx guys! You all are giving me allot of insights! Really it gives me also a lot of strength! It’s like I am not alone in thisZ I am talking a lot with a guy friend. I also piked up the tip not to open up to women any more. I had a good co-worker that was in the past good with. We are still ok with each other but no opening up any more.
    Martin Appelo is my therapist. He has a couple of books he wrote. Maybe there translated. I think he has also very good insights how the brain works. It’s al connected. Dopamine, serotonine and all those happy hormones, youth trauma’s, can’t get attached to someone somehow narcissem! All that stuff it’s al connected. But also what Saville says about that boys been brought op by women and they grow up like little bitches! The last few weeks I acted also like a little bitch. Not knowing what other options are to choose from. It wil not be a easy thing to do I think but it has to be done! The last few days were a hell in house. I hope its going to be better! I hope it! And i am begging god to forgive me and has mercy with me! I am doing good again about the PMO more than a month now! FMO resetting. 1 time failed not to FMO. So I think that’s pretty ok for a first timer!

    time will tell what the future brings. Only god knows!

    God bless!
     
  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    If you write a book about narcissists then you begin to see them around every corner. I have no doubt that his academic book is well-researched, but many therapists also see the world in absolutes. There are degrees of narcissism, just like there are degrees of empathy. He seemed to write you off quickly and then all that was offered was: "you will never change, you have to accept that, as does anyone who lives with you." I don't buy that! I know that I could be an unfeeling dick, a deceptive person who led a double life for a certain amount of time. Why? Because in my home it wasn't safe to be myself. My mom would rather I lived a lie than to have me be my own man. Many of us men face this. We are acceptable if we put a fake face on. When a man can't be authentic (or feels he can't) then he acts out in different ways.

    Even if you think there is no chance to get your wife back I would consider the following: write a letter to your wife. In it I would acknowledge your wrong doing, but do NOT beg forgiveness. Acknowledge the hurt you caused and that causing that hurt was not OK. Next tell her that you still love her, though you know her heart is set on divorce. Make sure you use the word "divorce" because it has a power that the word "separation" doesn't. It highlights that your wife's decision is final, which may give her pause when she sees it in writing. Tell her that you know you need to change and that those changes are already beginning. You can mention that you realize that you had a poor skills set for being a husband and that part of that poor skill set was to tell lies. You might say that telling lies seemed easier than facing your feelings and that you lied also because you were afraid of confrontation. Tell her that you realize now that "I don't get to choose how you feel and how you process your feelings. I didn't always tell the truth because I thought if people got mad at me it meant they didn't love me." After that conclude that no matter which direction her journey takes her that you will support her and the kids and will be the kind of former husband who is easy to get along with. Then say something like: "I'm hoping the journey we're both on will lead us back together, but I know there is a lot of hurt, anger, and grief to get past. I would say that what the therapist said shocked you, but that you don't believe you can't change, because, after all "I have empathy and love for my family. However, I'm going to change for me, because then it will be lasting change." Mention that you're sorry for the train wreck you've cause, but that your not sorry for loving her and the wonderful kids that came about as a result. Tell her that the letter is not about wooing her back, but it is very much about setting her free from the tyranny of how you've behaved. End with the usual kind of thing: "much love, Babylonier."

    If you do write the letter don't keep saying sorry and don't get sappy or romantic. Self-indulgence gives away your power. After all, you are a man who made a few mistakes, not a killer. You are still a valuable person, a man who has much to give in life.

    You might join some kind of sex addicts anonymous group as a way of showing you are serious. Further, if there is something you never did for her, something that she always nagged you about, now would be the time to do it. When I got caught teaching I remembered that my wife had endlessly been after to me change the flooring in our bedroom. I not only did our bedroom, I did the entire house. I felt happy doing it, too, because even if my wife had left me I knew that I'd given it my best shot.

    Btw, I'm not telling you to do these things, only offering a bit of advice. You must do what you think best, obviously.
     
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